Pirate Month: Blackbeard, Buccaneers and Bristol!

This month's National Geographic is, as always, a treasure trove- not only does it have panda bears, it also has an article on Blackbeard's sunken ship, the Queen Anne's Revenge. You can explore the wreck and history online.
Although little is known about Edward Teach, aka Blackbeard, it is thought he was originally from Bristol. Since I just read Treasure Island, I know Long John Silver and the crew of the Hispaniola hailed from Bristol also. According to my dA friend Andy Council, a modern day Bristolian buccaneer, the "arrr yarr" pirate lingo is probably derived from the Bristol accent. That may be the case. All I knew about Bristol prior to Pirate Month was that Andy rendered it as a giant animated dinosaur! And also a wee baby one (non-animated)! Arrr rarr!
And it turns out the artist behind the pirate bear you see to your right, Karen Ellis, is from Bristol, too, which makes at least two artistic geniuses and two pirates from one city. Wow. Oh yeah and Bristol also has a giant robot sculpture named WEEE!
Makes me want to move to such a piratical paradise.

Pirate Month: Rhyming and Stealing
A poem about pirates! The seeds for this poem were originally planted three years ago when PotC first came out, and I just never got around to writing it till yesterday- it was surprisingly hard to figure out the best way to write it. Not sure if I hit the nail on the head but I'm happy with it.

The Pyrite Pirates
Arrr! Cap’n o’ the Midas’ Revenge be I
Doomed to sail the seven seas till I die
Which might be this day if I don’t get my say
N’ if my bilge-sucking mates instead get their way
Aye, bucko, ‘tis true, that I, Fearsome Stu
Must now contend with a mutinous crew
“By thunder!” they cry, “We can’t help but wonder
“If not for your blunder would we still have some plunder?
“ ‘Twas you that pilfered that mermaid’s purse
“Bringing upon us the mermaid’s curse!
“So now walk the plank, n’ join Davey Jones
“Where the fishes n’ squids can chew on your bones!”
“Me hearties!” say I, “Pray let me reply
“Before you condemn your poor Captain to die
“Aye I admit, that down in our hold
“All of our booty has been turned to Fool’s Gold
“But my dear pigeon Pauly don’t care about carats
“He only wants to be changed back to a parrot
“That mermaid’s magic turned everything fake
“But we’re men n’ we’re pirates! We steal n’ we take!
“I mean, shiver me timbers! It could ha’ been worse
“We could ha’ been hexed with a Dead Man’s Curse
“So come, buccaneers, let’s put bygones aside
“Weigh anchor n’ hoist Jolly Rodney with pride!”
I could see that me words had stirred their black hearts
I would escape with me life and all o’ me parts
“Arrr!” roared me mates, “You’re still Fearsome Stu
“N’ we be your crew n’ we’ll always stay true!”
I stepped off o' the plank on to the poop deck
I thanked me smooth tongue for saving me neck
“Now scurvy dogs, ahoy and avast
“Sing me our shanty while we sail real fast-
“Yo ho ho and a bottle of juice
“The Pyrite Pirates are on the loose!”


Bonus booty to anyone who gets the joke embedded in the Captain's name. And mermaid's purses really exist!

Can't Get Enough Pirates
Since I and everyone else loved Pirates of the Caribbean so much, here are the lyrics to a song written by a local band (The Arrogant Worms, covered as well by Captain Tractor) , about pirates on one of our very own rivers:

The Last Saskatchewan Pirate

Oh, I used to be a farmer and I made a living fine,
I had a little stretch of land along the CP line
But times are hard and though I tried, the money wasn't there
And bankers came and took my land and told me fair is fair
I looked for every kind of job, the answer always "no"
Hire you now, they'd always laugh, we just let twenty go!
The government, they promised me a measly little sum
But I've got too much pride to end up just another bum.
Then I thought who gives a damn if all the jobs are gone
I'm gonna be a PIRATE! on the River Saskatchewan!
(ar.. ar.. ar..)

Chorus:
Cause it's a heave-ho! hi-ho!
Coming down the plains
Stealing wheat and barley and all the other grains
And it's a ho-hey! hi-hey!
Farmers bar your doors when you see the Jolly Roger on Regina's mighty shores.
Arr!

Well you think the local farmers would know that I'm at large
But, just the other day I saw an unprotected barge
I snuck up right behind them and they were none the wiser,
I rammed their ship, and sank it, and I stole their fertilizer!
A bridge outside of Moose Jaw spans a mighty river
The farmers pass in so much fear, their stomachs are a-quiver
Because they know that TRACTOR JACK! is hiding in the bay,
I'll jump the bridge and knock them cold and sail off with their hay!

Chorus

Well Mountie Bob he chased me, he was always at my throat
He'd follow on the shoreline 'cause he didn't own a boat
But cutbacks were a-coming and the Mountie lost his job
Now he's sailing with me and we call him Salty Bob.
A swingin' sword, and skull n' bones, and pleasant company
I never pay my income tax and screw the GST- SCREW IT!
Prince Albert down to Saskatoon, I'm the terror of the sea
If ya wanna reach the Co-op, boy, you gotta get by me!

Chorus

Well, pirate life's appealing, but you don't just find it here
I've heard in North Alberta, there's a band of bucaneers
They roam the Athabasca, from Smith to Fort McKay
And you're gonna lose your Stetson if you have to pass their way
Well winter is a-coming and a chill is in the breeze
Our pirate days are over once the river starts to freeze
I'll be back in springtime, but now I 've to go,
I hear there's lots of plundering down in New Mexico!

Chorus
Copyright 1992 The Arrogant Worms All Rights Reserved

The song itself is a lot of fun, especially the Captain Tractor version, for which they filmed a video on West Edmonton Mall's pirate ship. You might be able to find this song in mp3 format somewhere . . . . and there is a Veggietales song called The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything. Lots of pirate songs for you today. Two, I guess. I'm sure there are others, though. Maybe one about Space Pirates. And one about Software Pirates. Probably one about pirates who only plunder Fool's Gold- Pyrite Pirates. Hee hee.
Anyways, like I said yesterday, I'm off to do some plundering in Southern Alberta. In a canoe. So poo.