Coqui over at Stand in the Wind is finally back after an extended absence, but her commenting system does not work! So go pay her a visit. Today she talked about being corrected occasionally for her English, (she's originally from Argentina) and so I wanted to comment that the fact that she knows two languages puts her ahead of most Americans, and not to sweat it. But since I can't do that, I will say it here and hope she stops by and sees it. As you know, Pooing in the Woods strives for linguistic diversity, as can be seen in my Spanish X-Men poost yesterday, and a language primer on poo I poosted a few months ago. Homie Bear has nothing but respect for those who are truly multilingual, and not just charlatans like me.
But for those of you who occasionally need to translate something, here is a handy, if imperfect translator webpage. See if you can translate this:
Verwelkoomt te Pooing in de Hout! Homie is Beer de best guy in de wereld!
Hmm, I am not a beer, but that DOES give me an idea . . .

Welcome to Pooing in the Woods: The Curiously Strong Poo.
Gives a Meal Poo-Appeal!
Good to the Last Poo.
The Lighter Way to Enjoy Poo.
Dial Down the Poo.
We'll Leave the Poo on For You.
Shake the Bottle, Wake the Poo.
It Needn't be Hell With Poo!
So Easy, No Wonder Poo is Number 1!
4 out of 5 Dentists Recommend Poo
If you like a lot of poo on your biscuit, join our club!
P-p-p-p-pick up a poo!
Dude, You're Getting a Poo!
Don't say Brown, say Poo!
What can poo do for you?
A Tough Poo to Follow

No, I'm not an advertising genius. These are but a sampling of the slogans I got when I ran Poo through the Advetising Slogan Generator. And remember- Make Every Poo Count! It's a Poo Adventure!

So the new guy moved in a few days ago. And although it would make for far more interesting writing if he was some sort of psycho, he is (regrettably) a really nice guy. His name is Matt. He told me he was expecting a package in the mail, and this morning the doorbell rang and it was our mail female. She had a package, but it was addressed to Kyle W________. Momentarily confused, I tell her that maybe my new room-mate's first name is Kyle and he goes by his middle name or something, so I tell her I'll go down and see. He wasn't in his room, and I didn't realize he had just stepped out onto the pootio to have a smoke. So I tell her I didn't know, but that we get a lot of mail here for people who don't live here, so she decides not to leave the package. She gives me a slip in case it is Matt's after all, and leaves. Matt steps back inside three minutes later, and I tell him what happened, and he says that Kyle is his buddy. So I feel bad, but no harm done because he can still just go to the poost office and pick it up.
Later today the phone rings, and it's for James. Now thoroughly confused, I say "I don't think a James lives here, but I'll just check. . ."
And the lady on the line says, "James B_________" And the weird thing is, B_________ is a name I know well, from Hinton. It's the very distinctive name of a native family. So I say, "No, I know that name, and he doesn't live here, sounds like he's from Hinton."
And she says, "I was expecting him to be on the reservation actually." She confirms that she dialed the right number, and that's about all she can do. But now I am very confused, and can just imagine the following conversation:
"Hello, James B_________ please."
"Sorry, he doesn't live here."
"And yet my colleague Detective J_________ called earlier and said you knew the name."
"Yeah, well, I'm from a small town and the name rang a bell. But I don't know him."
"I see. Well, Mr. . . .?"
"Bear. Homie Bear."
"Well, Mr. Bear, I find it very odd that you happen to know the name of a known fugitive who left your number as his forwarding info, and yet you profess not to know him. Perhaps I'll send a squad car down to question you a little further."
"Uhh, that won't be necessary, I think my new room-mate Matt knows where he is, why don't you call his cell?"

My sister was telling me how much she's been enjoying watching the X-Men movie in Mexico recently. I think she uses it in her classes, so she watches it regularly. It just struck me that in Spanish, the X-Men would be los Equis-Hombres. Cyclops would be El Senor Uno Ojo. Storm, Tempestad. Lady Deathstrike would be Senorita la Huelga de la Muerte. Nightcrawler becomes Crawler de Noche. And Wolverine would be El Carcayu. Spanish is such a lovely language, don't you think?

Take the "Which Marvel Comics Hero are you" quiz!



I just rigged the quiz to get the desired results. I couldn't find one for the Hulk, though. Basically it would say: You are big and green. You would think no one would ever mess with you and yet someone does all the time. You like to say "Hulk Smash!!!!!!" And then you smash.

Update: Found one. River Selkie had this on her blog last month but it was down earlier when I was trying to find the link.

X2 is coming out this Friday already! Nice. I thought it was still a few weeks away. I bought the X-Men 1.5 DVD a while back and it came with a coupon worth $10 to go see Daredevil or X2, so that's a pretty good deal. I'm also very excited about the Hulk, but I don't know when that's coming out, June or something. I feel a couple of 0 Poo ratings coming up! I remember an issue of the Incredible Hulk from a while back (15 years ago? I am so old!), when Todd McFarlane was drawing it, and the Hulk was smart and grey instead of dumb and green (the world of comics is a labyrinthine mess of twists and turns) and Wolverine dropped by to fight the Hulk for a while. That was a cool one. I think they tied. Wolverine actually made his first appearance in an issue of the Incredible Hulk back in the '70's, but I was a little too young back then.
Todd McFarlane is a partial owner of the Edmonton Oilers and designed their third jerseys, by the way. He is originally from Alberta, just like me and Wolverine. We actually have lots in common. All three of us fight evil. And we all love the Oilers.

Maps are cool, and here is a Canadian map generating tool. Don't bother with the how-to thing, it didn't work on my compooter, anyways. Just dive right in and enjoy. You can zoom in as much as you want, almost. See if you can zoom in on my house.

Today I stopped by a campus bookstore that sells excess warehouse inventory for cheap- I bought 4 brand new books for $20, three of them hardcover. Not too bad, eh? One of them is a little book called Dragons and Fabulous Beasts. On the first page of the Fabulous Beasts section is a picture of Homie Bear. Just kidding. Anyways, there's a bunch of pictures of dragons from different cultures, and other beasts and monsters such as yetis and gryphons. And there's a section about unicorns. Here's something I never knew- in medieval times a unicorn symbolized Christ, and every year during Annunciation (when Mary is told by Gabriel that she will bear the Christ child) it was said that the archangel Gabriel and his four hounds (Mercy, Truth, Justice and Peace) went on a unicorn hunt, chasing the Unicorn into the lap of the Virgin Mary. Interesting. I'd like to look into that a bit more, since that's about all the book says on the subject. I really like how the Medieval guys used a lot of symbolic imagery and such to enrich their faith.
Have you ever read Not Wanted on the Voyage by Timothy Findley? It's a fictional take on Noah's Ark, and explains why unicorns and dragons are no longer with us. It also has fairies and demons and Lucy the female devil, and a blue-skinned Japheth. An interesting read, and challenging. For you non-Canadians, Timothy Findley is a Canadian literary icon. He actually just passed away last year.
Oh yeah, the other three books I bought today are about an American Buddhist pilgrimaging in China, Beck Wethers' account of the fateful 1996 Everest expedition most famously written about by Jon Krakauer in Into Thin Air, and a book on strange little artifacts called Jumbo's Hide, Elvis's Ride and the Tooth of Buddha.

Now that Pooing in the Woods is an international phenomenon, I've had some interesting search referrals. Aside from the plethora of sickos looking for pictures of girls/women/boys/old ladies pooing (here's the picture you're looking for, perv, now get outta here), I've had people drop by looking for "art of the country of chad". Sorry, he's not here- I'm Nathan of the country of Canada. Then there was "meaning of unilingual" which is a fair question, especially as the searcher apparently has not yet achieved unilingualism.
These ones are particularly intriguing, I wonder what they were hoping to find- probably not a pooblog, that's for sure:
"Canada and movie and seniors and bus and lost" Sounds like a blockbuster.
"rollicking+frollicking+camelot" Thanks for stopping by, Blaine!
"how to speak like a homie" Homes, if you need to search the web to find this out, you ain't no homie.
and my favorite (so far): "Two Towers bootleg subtitles forgot glasses"

I'm not exactly sure what this is, but it fits the monkey theme today:

Homie Bear is a mighty Man-Eating Colobus Monkey ...with a Battle Rating of 7.8 To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can defeat Homie Bear, enter your name:

OK, looks like it works, but now what? When do we fight each other? Or is it freestyle rap battles? I'm not very good at that. And I would like to point out that Homie Bear is not a monkey, he is a bear. Maybe they're sending me some monkeys in the mail? That would be cool. I will need 12 of them, please. 12 monkeys. But make sure they're potty trained, I don't want them pooing on the hardwood. And make sure they're not those sea monkeys, either. I know for a fact that those aren't even real monkeys. I don't even think they're real shrimp.

12 Monkeys (with Bruce Willis of Fifth Element and Sixth Sense fame, and Brad Pitt of Se7en, but not Adam Sandler of 8 Crazy Nights) is much better than 4 Dogs. It was one of my favorite movies back when it came out. Tyler Durden is really good in it. But I noticed something which may be common knowledge out there in internet-land. Bruce Willis' character, James Cole, says at one point "All I see are dead people!" referring to the fact that soon 5 billion people would die of a virus.
So I'm thinking a certain M Knight also considered 12 Monkeys one of his favorite movies, and got a touch of inspiration from that line, and wrote a movie about a character named Cole Sear, who, of course, sees dead people. The fact that this movie also stars Bruce Willis just proves my theory.
4 Dogs Playing Pooker is an alright (like, not quite 4 poos; didn't actually feature and pooker) independent low-budget film that reminded me a little of Christopher Nolan's forst movie, the one before Memento which I can't remember the name of. Followed or something. Anyways, Forrest Whittaker has a small role in 4 Dogs, but he was way better in Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai. Any movie featuring a mafioso performing Flava Flav rhymes, a bushido-studying hitman and a French speaking ice cream man is a fine movie in my eyes.

It's Noah's Ark Night tonight at the House of Poo- we rented 12 Monkeys (great movie) and . . . . 4 Dogs Playing Pooker! Mike saw that one and had to get it, even if it turns out to be the worst movie ever made.

Are you pooing me? Anaheim is 6-0 in the playoffs? That's completely nuts. They've won every game by one goal. I would love to see them knock out Dallas, but I could not stomach the thought of Lord Stanley's silver Cup emblazoned with the name "Mighty Ducks of Anaheim".
Speaking of general craziness, sounds like Calgary is completely snowed in. The snow is 60 cm deep apparently. Tom's parents were supposed to come up today and move him out (now who am I going to torment?), but they had to cancel. Tom then bought a bus ticket to Calgary, and they called back and told him all coaches to Calgary were also cancelled. It's pretty chilly here, but no snow so far- forecast calls for 10-15 cms by tomorrow though, which will be hard on the grass that is just starting to turn green around here.

Oh man, my poor boots. I kept meaning to go by a new pair of hiking boots this winter while it was the offseason, but of course I never got around to it. And now I will have to buy a new pair at non-sale prices and break them in somehow before taking them out on the trail. As much as I hate to do it, I have to retire my old boots, which have served me so well these past 8 seasons. They are Merrells, and Homie Bear heartily endorses them. I bought them for my Geology 298 Field School in 1995, and have seen many miles of service since, notably on the harsh asphalt of the Trans-Canada highway (while hitch-hiking) where they were worn down almost to slippers. Last year on the Chilkoot I noticed that there was a little leak in one of them, and they are no longer waterproof, and thus no longer (sigh) fit for hiking. Yes, I get way too attached to my stuff, but my boots (brown leather but with green highlights of course) and my little green jellybean have something in common- they both bear me to great adventures.

I performed the Yak Song for a group of high school students on the Chilkoot Trail in Alaska. On the first day of the hike, after we arrived at our camp (Canyon City for you hikers), Alex and I went out to tromp through the bush in the rain, and as a result my pants and boots got soaked, so I spent a good portion of the evening in the cooking cabin drying by the stove. It was worth it though because Alex took some great pictures, which you can see here and here. The boiler was a huge old thing that was dragged in by horses in 1898 to power some of the chairlift contraptions they designed to carry things over the Pass.
Some Alaskan teenagers were volunteering on the trail as part of a Scouts type of thing, and they were having a talent show in the cabin. So I cheered them on and they asked me to perform, and the only thing I could think of was the Yak Song. But it went over well.

The Yak Song
I like yaks. Do you like yaks? In Tibet, me and Richard made up a little song about yaks. It went like this:

I went out back to tend my yak
he wasn't there I checked the shack
Then I saw him on the track
I cut him up and had a snack
And that's the end of my yak named Jack
Yum yum yum

I found yak meat to be surprisingly tasty, especially with a side order of naan, sort of an Indian version of a tortilla, and yak milk and yak ice cream were also very yummy. Tibetan Buddhists, with their utmost reverence of all living things, make use of a yak in much the same way some First Nations cultures used a buffalo, not wasting anything. So the wool goes to make clothing, the poo for fertilizer, and of course the meat for eating.
Do you know what a yak/cattle hybrid is called? A kayak. Hee hee I so funny. Just kidding. It's actually called a dzo.

Wow. Vanpoover ties it up with 1.2 seconds left in regulation and wins it in OT. Cool. Now that the Oilers are out, I cheer for Canada's two remaining teams, the Vancouver Canucks and Ottawa Senators. They both won tonight, and both came from behind to do it.
I would love to see an all-Canadian final. I can't even remember the last time that happened.

Bears and wookies are ancient allies, as everyone knows. I think they fought together in the Trandoshan Tiger Wars, so it's good to see that Chewie will be back for Epoosode III. Let me be the first to wish him a Happy Life Day.

The other day a buddy called and asked me if I could help him out with some spring cleaning at a housing complex. Sure, I said, no problem. What will we be doing?
Oh, just some raking.
So yesterday I showed up and we got to work. The housing complex was a whole neighbourhood of high-end condo things in the ritzy part of town, where guys like me venture not. The home of oil magnates and Oilers. Anyways, it was huge.
Ten hours later, so sore that we could hardly move, Doug thanked me for coming. It was his least favorite day of his work year.
"I thought we were just doing some spring cleaning."
"Yeah, well, I couldn't tell you what we were really doing or you wouldn't have come."
Actually, it was certainly very hard work, but I've had worse days. Parts of it were even fun, like when we had to stuff a couple of tons of grass into the back of a truck (not a pickup). We got to jump up and down like a bunny to pack it down. Jumping like a bunny, working like a bear.
At one point, Scott, one of the other guys there, joked that he needed a smoke break. This was funny because he has severe asthma and will never smoke a cigarette in his life.
"Yeah," I said, "I could use a poo break."
More hearty laughing from the guys. I wasn't really joking though.

My good friend Steve is in town for a few days. He's getting married on May 10th. He came over last night to play some pooker, and I confronted him:
"You didn't invite me to your wedding!"
"Yes I did, and you RSVP'ed already."
"What? No I didn't, I would remember something like that."
"Yeah you emailed Cheryl and told her you were coming, you were the first one to RSVP!"
"But I don't even know Cheryl!"
"Don't you remember? I came over and gave you the invitation myself."
"I don't even have an invitation from you, so that's impossible."
Anyways, Steve was eventually able to convince me that I had indeed been invited and had confirmed my attendance- his case seemed pretty airtight when I found the invitation on my somewhat cluttered desk. I guess I sorta remember now. I feel bad for calling Steve all those names now.
But this puts me in a bit of a jam, as I also RSVP'ed to my good friend Coralee's wedding, which is on the same day. I think I can manage both, since they are at slightly offset times, but the receptions will be tricky, one starts at 5 and the other at 6.
I had a room-mate for two years, and we even went to Tibet, and he never invited me to his wedding. Or maybe he did and I just forgot.

Okay, one more story about swimming. I'm being especially poolific right now because tomorrow I will be gone all day helping a friend out, so no poosts tomorrow.
On the Chilkoot Trail last year, I met a true kindred spirit by the name of Clinton. At the summit, we tromped around and explored, and did some bum tobogganing. Then, at Lake Lidemann, we decided we must go swimming. But since Erica and her family were there, and since Erica and her family had not yet become the dear friends they now are, we decided to travel around to the other side to do our business, as it would once again entail swimming in underwear. We didn't want to offend anyone's sensibilities after all.
So we went, and we swam, and we had a fine, manly time. My underwear was some threadbare old boxers which left little (actually nothing) to the imagination. They have since been retired. I was about to dive in for a second dip when along came Alex, Dave, as well as Erica and her family.
It's a tribute to their family that they were not traumatized for all time.

The swimming thing started in high school, with the two trips me and my buddies made to Jasper. We swam in our underwear in Maligne Canyon, and waved to all the tourists. Then on the Skyline hiking trip, we swam in an alpine lake high up in the mountains. I will not tell the whole story of that one, since Rowan reads this blog quite regularly (heeheehee). We also spent an afternoon in Jasper townsite sneaking into hotels to swim in their pools. We even swam in one that wasn't even open yet.
Among other places, I've swum in Russia (just a pool, unfortunately, but getting permission from the freshly-ex Soviets was quite the adventure in itself), and in the Black Sea, and in the Sava River, Lhasa River, Bay of Fundy, Gulf of Mexico and I think the Caribbean Sea- is that where Cancun is? Forgive my uncharacteristic lapse in geography.
In the Queen Charlottes, Cliff and Ron and I were climbing a mountain, and I promised them that I would swim in whatever lake we found at or near the top. But it rained the whole way up, and by the time we got there we were soaked to the bone. Cliff pointed to a little lake and asked me if I was still going to go swimming.
No, I said, that would just be redundant.

Did I ever tell you about the time I went to Yellowknife? It was back in the summer of '97, the same year as my hitch-hiking trip and other Cross-Canada adventures. I went with a friend from work, another summer student who was from Nova Scotia, so he wanted to go up to the North West Territories. We took one of our four day weekends and headed on up. It was a fun trip. I swam in the Great Slave Lake. My friend, Pat, declined. Swimming is kind of a thing I do wherever I go. Since it was summer, the sun didn't go down till after midnight. I love that about the North. Of course, the corollory is that in the winter the sun doesn't come up till after noon, and only for a few hours. Anyways, in Yellowknife we had to get some supplies, and we were directed to the Pandatoo mall. "Pandatoo," I thought, "must be an Inuit word. I wonder what it means."
When we got to the mall, there was a sign that said Panda II Mall, and there was a little picture of a panda. I don't know what pandas have to do with Yellowknife, but then I don't know what yellow knives have to with Yellowknife either.
I never found out if there was a Panda 1 mall. Personally, I think it should have been called the Panda Poo mall.

Cardinal River Coals, the mine where I worked, was strangely devoid of cardinals. At least, I never saw one. But it was a refuge for lots of other wildlife, from bighorn sheep to grizzlies. One guy, the story goes, even saw a sasquatch, who threw barrel drums at him in his grader, and so he turned around and hightailed it to the shop, where he quit, never to return again. I guess he had the poo scared right out of him.
The bighorns were pretty cool, though sometimes they could be a pain as the herd would often block the haulroad, and didn't seem too concerned when nearly 500 tons of metal and rock tried to get by. In fact, they seemed to prefer the company of the equipment, and often ewes would go and give birth right near a shovel, where the newborn would be nice and safe from coyotes and other predators. And the rams would get ornery in mating season, and charge pit buses and pickups. They may have charged the haul trucks too, but if so we never noticed. Once, we got to witness an awesome sight- two rams with full horns butting heads directly outside our pit bus. Bone chips hit our windows.
Porcupines and other rodents were common, of course, as were the ravens who often came and perched on our railings, begging food. One time my truck was down (I lost my dynamics) and so I sat out on the deck waiting for the electrician to come. I had a granola bar and I enticed a whiskeyjack to come sit on my hand and eat some granola.
There were wolves, too, though they were very shy and only appeared in the rarest of instances, flitting between the trees like wraiths. I only ever saw two, both at the same time, one white and one black.
One time, Shovel 8 (my Dad's shovel) was down for some major maintenance, and the contractors found a dead cat. No one knew how it got there. Maybe it was hiding from the sasquatch.

Make sure you read La Pinche Esa today, I think she has written her best poost yet. And this is easily my best poost ever.

Reason # One Hundred and Eighty-Poo Why Hockey is the Greatest Sport in the World:
After going into double overtime last night, the Maple Leafs and Flyers are playing game 7 of their series right now. Playoff games are rougher than any football game and they're playing less than 24 hours after going 5 periods. Wow. Plus two other games have gone into multiple OT this series too, double OT in game 3 and triple in game 4. So in a seven game series these two teams have actually played two extra games worth of hockey. Crazy. I'm not even a big fan of either team but it's sure been good hockey. Oh yeah and there are two other game 7's going on tonight too. A hockey cornucopia.
**Update: Looks like Toronto was out of gas after all. Philly, who are a touch younger, took advantage and won 6-1.**
***Update #2: Vancouver just played one of the hittingest games I've seen in a long time, and are rewarded with a trip to Round 2 against . . . the Minnesota Wild!!??!! Crazy, the Wild came back from being down 3 games to 1 and beat the Avs in OT for their first series win, in their first playoff series ever. In fact, both Minnesota and Vancouver were down 3-1 and came back to win their respective series. Add that to the Anaheim sweep of Detroit, and I have to just shake my head, sigh, and wonder why the Oilers couldn't also have found a way to win. The only person I know in Minneapolis (sort of, anyway- Sarah J of Desolation Angels) is not even a hockey fan. She knows not what she is missing.***

I washed my car today- it was pretty dirty plus it had some bird poo on it. I've always enjoyed washing my car, but it gets harder the older my car gets- I have to acknowledge the little bit of rust by the rear fender, and all the paint chips on the hood. I used to say that some day I would paint my little green jellybean with the colors of the General Lee, but I doubt that will ever happen now. Last year I briefly got to enjoy having to get in and out Duke Boys-style, when Cory and I went canoeing and we tied the canoe to the roof of my car, which also tied the doors shut, so we had to get in via the window. I also caught a little air, in fine General Lee fashion, last summer when I was driving perhaps a little too fast on the Alaska highway and hit a very nasty pothole/crater.
Back when I was a coal miner, the trucks we drove were all numbered, starting with unit 5501 and going up to 5534. Units 01 to 26 were 170 or 190 ton trucks, while 30-34 were 260 tons. 01 truck (say zero one) was referred to as the General, 02 the Roach, since it was once infested with bugs. 03 got smashed up when it went over the dump, 05 broke in half one day, 09 flipped over and sadly killed the driver, so it was retired along with 07 and 08. There never was a 13 truck- I guess they thought no one would drive it.
Let's see, my buddy Al was driving Truck 14 when a tire blew and it flipped over on its side. Pretty much every truck in the fleet must have flipped over or caught fire at least once in its career. I never had any major mishaps while driving, but lots of minor little adventures. It's always startling to be driving down a grade when all of a sudden sparks start shooting from your gridbox, which is the heat radiator for the dynamic retarders (a form of brake, your most important one)- this is especially dramatic on nightshift when the sparks light up the sky. My last truck was 31 truck, and I kind of miss her. Yeah, I call it a her. When you spend 12 hours at a time with something, you develop a relationship with it. Strangely, though, my own car is a neuter to me, its only nickname being little green jellybean, which my even-littler friend Rayne gave it when she was about 4.

I can't believe how nice it is right now: 20 degrees! Wow. I am going to go out and read on my pootio. I just pulled out my sandals for the first time this year- they are still caked with the sand of Cancun from when I went to visit my sister in October. She doesn't live anywhere near Cancun but that's where I flew in to, and on my way back my cousins were kind enough to take me to the beach before my plane left. If you've ever been to the beautiful white beaches of Cancun, you may have noticed that the sand is not sand at all, but billions and billions of tiny little shelled organisms, most likely diatoms (if I recall my Paleo and Carbonates classes correctly, which I might not). So now I will go outside and read about Arctic exploration while wearing sandals caked with Cancun sand.

Time for another quote from Pierre Berton's The Arctic Grail, concerning Franklin and the doomed expedition he led in which he and his entire crew of 128 men died:

The most ambitious Arctic expedition yet mounted by the British was to be led by a man who got the job because everybody felt sorry for him.

And here is a link to a site about the Antarctic which fits well with the overall theme of poolar exploration in my readings.

I hope you had a fine Easter, cause I certainly did. It was the nicest day of the year by far, I think it was easily 20 degrees (Celsius), which around here at this time of year = hot. I went to church but they were watching a movie I had already seen so I went out for a liittle walk, and it seemed like everyone else was also out walking, or playing in the parks, or having barbecues. It was nice. The occasional house had Go Crazy! posters and Oilers flags in their windows, looking so forlorn. I then returned to the Gathering to enjoy a very nice set of music by Sanctuary, one of our house bands. Before that, I went over to my Mom's house to see if I could beg some Easter Dinner, but she had just returned from Hinton where my Dad is working, so there was no home-cooked meal to be had today. Instead we went out to a truck stop for supper.

"Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here, he has risen!"
Luke 24:6

So the Oilers season is over. Darn pooStars. I'm sad, but it's hardly the end of the world. It's Easter today! Spring is here! Lent is over! Happiness abounds!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate them so much!

In the newspaper today there is a little blurb about a guy from Japan who is selling gold-coated poo. It doesn't say the process he uses to achieve this effect, nor does it say if anyone actually buys the stuff. I'm not really sure I want to know, though. Still, gotta admire the work of Poo Pioneers, even those who are perhaps a little misguided.

Here's a picture that I drew from a photo that my buddy Colin took of Jay and I in Jasper National Park when we were in high school. I'll see if I can find the original photo, and scan it and put it up too. The photo is way cooler.

It's hard to scan pencil sketches (doodles really) but I hope you can see it. That's me on the top corner, and Jason in the other one, but they could just as easily be any two guys. That was a pretty fun trip, we hiked the Skyline Trail. We had all gone and seen Universal Soldier (this was back in 1992, remember) before the trip, so we had fun reenacting some of the scenes, including the one where Jean Claude Van Damme is fighting Dolph Lundgren, and one of them throws a grenade at the other. "You're dead, soldier boy!"
"No, I'm alive!"
Excellent dialog. I got a little too into it though, and almost blew up Jason when I threw the little firecracker a little too close to him. Lots of other stories from that trip, too..

My room-mate Mike and I went CD shopping today. In this age of mp3's, I have to admit I buy far fewer CDs than I used to- but I more than make up for it with my DVD purchasing. But I bought the new Linkin Park CD and am listening to it now. Sounds good so far- Nobody's Listening is particularly cool, with a Japanese flute sample. Anyways, while were at the cursed Futureshop (Home of great prices and surly cashiers), Mike considered buying a basketball movie. He hadn't heard of it though, so I helpfully pointed out that Tupac Shakur was in it.
"Yeah, he's dead right now," said Mike.

Little Bunnies Jump
Back in Grade 9, when the pinnacle of desktop publishing was a program for the Apple IIE called Printshop, my computer class was given the assignment of creating a little newspaper . More of a bulletin, really, on one sheet of paper. And I still have it! It is one of my proudest achievements, in fact. I called my paper "Little Bunnies Jump", and I even modifeid the rudimentary clipart to make it look like one of the bunnies on my banner was indeed jumping.
The first and only issue featured stories such as "Chickens Fight for Their Rights", "Poaching Heats Up In Africa", "Harry the Beaver Hailed as Animal of the Month", and "Roy Rhino Wins First in Hurdles". All of the stories were accompanied by more clip art, some of it changed slightly to better reflect the article, as in the Rhino story, where I added a little hurdle beneath Roy. And Harry the Beaver had a little medal added to him. Strangely, there are no stories about bears or poo. My favorite story, because the clipart is so great, is "Mouse Killed by Elephant". The clipart I used was a picture of a smiling elephant with one foot raised up just off the ground, so I added in a little mouse just underneath the foot. The copy reads, "Today was a day of tragedy for people of the mice persuasion as a long and uneasy truce was broken by a member of the elephant species. It seems that an elephant in cold blood stepped on a defenceless mouse as shown here. Mice are now preparing for war and some are being sent as harbingers of war already."
As you can see, my editorial bias seemed to favor the mice, which I am quite happy with in hindsight given my recent affiliation with a mouse.
I got 90% on the assignment, with the only comment being "Weak banner", which quite offended me since my banner featured a little bunny jumping. I wish I had a banner even half as good for this blog! What else was I supposed to put in my banner? So I crossed out the weak and wrote in great, like this: Weak Great banner. I continued this practice of self-affirmation well into university.
As I recall, Jonny Smelter also came up with a great design, though for the life of me I can't remember what it was. I will have to email him and ask him about it.
Anyways, Happy Easter everybody!

I've been talking about bunnies all week, and today's issue of Vue Weekly features a cover story on the little guys. To sum up: there are 1000 rabbits living in Edmonton, and rabbits have made quite an impact on both high and pop culture throughout history.
Certainly an Informative and Incisive Expose on our hoppng friends, but I would add this important fact: like all animals, rabbits possess the ability to poo.

Those crappy pooStars!!!!! GRRRRRRR I hate them so much!!!!!!
So much.
But anyways, it was good to see the Senators advance. And how about the Red Wings? Wow. And then the Shane Corson blow up in Toronto. Good riddance to that guy, he was the only captain in Oiler history to be stripped of his captaincy.
The Oilers will still prevail, don't worry.

From The Arctic Grail, by Pierre Berton:

Thus it came about that the longest peninsula in the Arctic and also its biggest gulf both bear today the name of a popular brand of British Gin.

Updating the Poolinks
It seems like the Cubicle Dweller has been evicted from his cubicle, so until he gets his website back, I have replaced his link on the left with that of a fellow Edmonton blogger who dropped in and left a dropping the other day. I've looked at her blog and it has some pretty funny stuff, and some nice pictures too, many of which are of the U of A campus. Nice to see some local bloggers that I don't know. As far as I can tell, her name is Crazy White Girl with a Keyboard. So greetings, Miss Keyboard.
Also, it turns out that a China blog I read from time to time, Big White Guy, is written by an ex-Edmontonian! I didn't know that. Us Edmontonites are everywhere, I guess. My sister is of course an ex-Edmontonian who now lives in Mexico.
Rinlee, who is from Edmonton's ugly twin sister city of Calgary (OK, to be fair, Calgary is more like the beautiful twin sister who always wears too much makeup), used to have a blog but she no longer seems to update it, or does she? If it turns out she does, I will gladly add a link to her blog too. Hint hint.

Poor little bunny. I saw on the news today that someone shot a rabbit through the neck with an arrow in the west end of Edmonton. It was still alive when city officials captured it, but they put it down.

Picked up Spirited Away on DVD today- except for all the Disney advertisements (which wouldn't be so bad if you weren't forced to sit through them before the menu) it is a great DVD, zero poos out of five. I haven't watched any of the extra features yet, but to be honest I hardly ever get around to watching that stuff anyways. I love Hayao Miyazaki's stuff, the strong female characters, the lack of clearly definable evil, the unusual creatures that populate his stories, not to mention the stunning animation Studio Ghibli consistently puts out. The only thing is, if I were Chihiro I think I would have just stayed at the bathhouse, especially since her parents didn't seem to be all that nice to her. And of course, as with any movie, it could have used a grizzly bear or two to liven things up. Anyways, I won't say much more more about that, so as not to ruin anything for you, just go watch it as soon as you get a chance. And if you haven't seen Princess Mononoke or Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind, you should see them too.
Now if only the Oilers had Spirited Away another win tonight. My room-mate Mike went to the game, and he called before the opening face-off- it was soooo loud, but the final score was 3-1 for the pooStars. I hate those pooStars.
Oh yeah I finished The Virgin Suicides too. It was alright. I doubt I'll ever reread it though. I liked the stylistic choice of a first person plural narrator- I don't know if I've ever seen that before. I think I'll rent the movie to see how they treated it, the book was written as a report, and didn't have a conventional plot or storyline. Anybody else out there ever read it? What did you think?
Now I'm reading The Arctic Grail, by Pierre Berton. For those of you who don't know, Pierre Berton is a chronicler of Candian history, and there are none better. He is one of my very favorite writers, having written Klondike, among others. Alex gave me this book, with the inscription "Here's a book to inspire you to make it to Nunavut. One more territory to go." It's a book about the quest for the North West Passage. I'm getting pretty inspired. But Nunavut may have to wait. Or heck, maybe I'll go there tomorrow.

Bunnies!
I just looked outside my picture window and noticed two things- I saw that it was snowing, and then I noticed a little bunny rabbit in the front yard. There are actually quite a few wild rabbits around here (and where there's one there's always more), but it's always nice to see one hanging out in your yard.

Mutants!
A problem has been plaguing me for years, ever since I read my first X-Men comic book as a kid. The problem: how to go about obtaining a mutation of my own. The X-Men all had pretty cool powers arise out of their mutations, so like all youngsters of my generation (X, naturally), I concluded that if I could just get my hands on a suitable mutagen I too could gain the ability to transform into living steel, or control the weather, or teleport, or have a healing factor. Heck I'd even take the mutant power of understanding all languages like that one guy had. Poor guy, kind of a bummer power to have in a world of superheroeas and villains, though it would sure be handy in real life. The tricky part, of course, was in obtaining a quantity of radioactive material. Polonium Oxide (PoO) and the like aren't that easy to get a hold of. It's not like you can just go out and buy some at the Radioactive Shack.
But today I am pleased to inform you that a company called Stratagene has apparently developed a serum of some sort that produces mutations! I'm not kidding- I discovered an ad for it in Science magazine today when I was researching something. The ad copy honestly said "Need mutations? GeneMorph. A new way to get unique mutations!" and there was a graphic of all these cool ants with impressive-looking new appendages like massive mandibles and wings and stuff. And that obviously doesn't show the new powers that are invisible, such as the ability to control the force of magnetism, or telepathy, or psychically manifesting an enemy's greatest nightmare. What? Still don't believe me? Check out the GeneMorph website then.
Ummm . . . I think you should try it first, and let me know how it goes.

Whale Hunting
Although I have had many opportunities, I have never seen a whale in the wild. In captivity at the Vancouver Aquarium, yes, but not out on the ocean where they belong. On both coasts I've gone looking, and even at the Hudson's Bay, though since it was frozen over I wasn't really looking for whales so much as poolar bears.
Once, in Newfoundland, I spent a pleasant day walking on the beach, watching out for whales in the cove while simulataneously keeping an eye out for shark teeth in the sand. As a child I once read that shark teeth often washed up on shore and they could be found by a sharp eye, though they have eluded me so far. After a while I came across a group of fishermen who were preparing their lines with their catch of herring so they could go out and catch cod, so I helped them for a few hours, slicing herring into six sections, getting covered with blood and viscera. The fishermen laughed at the landlubber, and I laughed at their jokes, spoken in a dialect almost indicipherable to me. Later that night I fried a herring fillet on my campfire and revelled in the new memories I had made. But no whales showed themselves that day.
But in a way, I have slept with whales. Coming back from the Queen Charlotte Islands on the ferry, I slept the night out on the deck, using my backpack as a pillow. I could hear the sounds of the whales swimming nearby, their whistles and their squeals sounding ethereal in the starry mist. I tried to see them, but it was too dark, the ocean and the sky blending together into nothingness. They were out there, though, and I was satisfied.

What's the Friday Five thing all about? Seems like every Friday all sorts of different bloggers from all walks of life spontaneously answer the same five questions, usually about things like places you have lived and stuff like that. How come no one asks me the Friday Five? I kinda feel left out. Well, I will make up my own. But since it's technically Saturday right now, I guess it will have to be the Saturday Four.
#1. Is it true that you are a gemius? Yes
#2. Can I get you a beer? Please
#3. Do you know any good latin phrases? Empoorius Poorium In Perpootua
#4. What is the difference between a bear and a whale? Most don't have wings

I don't know if I've ever seen a game quite like that before- the Oilers played short-handed for the last eleven and a half minutes of the game, two men short for much of it. Ugly. I hate it when the refs poo all over a game like that. Dallas was going to win this game no matter what, in all likelihood, but the officiating was so stupid it became comedic. Mike was even worried that they might have to leave Cory Cross in Dallas until he's finished seving his penalties. Oh well, it's just one game. They'll bounce back here at home on Sunday. Nothing like the atmosphere at Skyreach Center during a playoff game. And all the kids on the sidewalks waving Oilers flags, the cars all honking in support.

Here are the lyrics from As the Worm Turns, written by Faith No More, who undoubtedly hold the copyright:

As The Worm Turns

One day you're thinking that maybe you're feeling better
And you're probably an OK person, if you only had a job...
Through the hollow tombs I can see them
Through their mouths I can hear them praying for pain
But it's only a game

Listen, man, I know
That things are really rough
And everybody gets you
And life is really tough
But I know that deep down inside
There's a feeling that rides
All the way to the end

Thursday you sit in your room with the lights turned out
And you don't answer the door
Friday morning looks sunny and bright
Like it's going to be a good day
And it would be if you only had a job . . .

Time is on your side, you're young
Don't waste your time today

For no particular reason at all, here are some CD's that are more than a decade old, but less than 15 years old, that still poo my world. (in other words, music from my glorious high school days of 1989-1992)
#1. Faith No More, The Real Thing. Actually I am listening to Woodpeckers From Mars this very minute which is what prompted this poost. Absolutely brilliant album from start to finish. Might have come out in '88 though. Which is allowed cause who cares.
#2. Uhhh, what else I got loaded in my mp3 player . . .let's see, well none of it's really from the specified time period at all so never mind- just go buy the Real Thing without delay!
#3. In actuality, it was my Dad who bought the Faith No More CD originally, but I managed to "inherit" it from him pretty shortly thereafter. I inherited his copy of Lou Reed's New York in much the same way- also an excellent CD that you may not be familiar with.
#4. Live From Brixton: You Fat B**tards! is a concert video that came out shortly after FNM toured in support of The Real Thing- one of the few concert vidoes I can actually watch over and over. It would be worth your while to somehow (kough kough ka zaa) track down a copy of As The Worm Turns and We Care a Lot, two tracks they perform live in that concert which predate The Real Thing and hence Mike Patton.
#4.5 The studio version of As the Worm Turns with other guy on vocals, is pretty good, too, and also happens to feature some excellent turntabling, surprising since it was recorded in 1987.
#5. I remember reading an interview with one of the guys in the band (Mike Bordin Roddy Bottum, if memory serves, but it was a long, long time ago) and he mentioned watching Care Bears one Saturday morning and hearing their theme song "We Care A Lot" and thinking the Care Bears had ripped them off. But they decided not to sue as they didn't want to go down in history as the band that sued the Care Bears.
#5.5 After downloading and listening to the Care Bears theme song, I conclude that they would not have had a case.
#5.5.5 After hearing the Care Bear Fight Song, I am willing to concede that in fact, they might have had a case.
#6. Their followup CD, Angel Dust, is equally as brilliant, though less accessable at first. Requires multiple listens but is worth it.
#7. I got Angel Dust the day it came out, and it was the CD I listened to on my very last day of high school, a day for which I otherwise retain no clear memory.

Seven out of eight games were won by the visiting team. Wow. That's unheard of. I don't know what happened to Vancouver exactly- they sure pooed their pants against St. Louis tonight. 6-0. Crazy. And how about triple overtime in the Detroit-Anaheim game? Good ole playoffs. Oh well, what's important is that Edmonton won. Oilers pretty much have the playoffs sewn up, looks like. On to other matters.
Excpet there are no other matters. I've been sick for the last few days, and today when I finally felt good enough to go do something I wound up taking on some deathly freelance work instead- a total of 5000 words over six articles on a subject I care nothing about (and, incidentally, knew nothing about) in about seven hours. Yuck. Good experience working under a deadline though. Oh wait- I went to university for six years so I already know all about deadlines.
Tomorrow I'm going outside. To play.
In the Woods ;)

Seven Devil Fix have moved their website, but don't worry I already fixed the link so the transition is superpooper smooth for all of you fans out there- you would have never known if I hadn't just told you, but I mention it so you can go visit their newly updated page that has all sorts of new mp3's. Check out Midnite Clear, which is not only superheavy, but is also a medley containing a Bush song and Jesus Loves Me, my favorite slow song of theirs. Basically the Sunday School song rewritten for adults- beautiful. And Skeleton Army is a heavy little bit of goodness, too. Heck, they're all good! Enjoy!

Oilers Win!
Dallas Poos lose! Yay! Go to Oilers Poondits for the indepth stuff, stay here for the trash talking. Grrr I hate those guys!!!!! Dallas I mean. They're so dirty. Oh yeah and sorry Erica, Sens lost. They'll bounce back, though, not like the Stars who are done.

Just over an hour to go . . .
. . . I can't believe how excited I am. I'm still pretty sick, though, but that's quite alright. Feeling like poo while watching the Oilers in the playoffs is still better than being 100% healthy and them missing the playoffs. So good luck, boys. You might need it. And good luck to the Senators, too- they are a fine team out of the East, I think they will go far, and I know Erica will be cheering them on tonight from Ottawa. Sadly, the two games are on at the same time, so I will be unable to watch them both. Not to complain too loudly though, I know my sister is very very sad that she will be unable to see even a single game this playoff year, as ice hockey is not a very popular sport in Mexico for some reason. But she is doing her best to change all that, as she details in her blog.
And for you non-hockey fans of the world (are there any?), I am currently reading the Virgin Suicides. I haven't seen the movie, but the book is fairly interesting. At first I wasn't too sure, what with the mafia and secret tunnels (I was like, can't anyone write a book without the mafia anymore?) but then I saw it was all about the sisters, and everything else was just a vehicle. Or something like that- I have to finsh reading it before I know for sure.

Homie Bear=Sick
Not much wisdom will be forthcoming from the Woods today, so go peruse some of the links to the left- I know Little Bear recently had some interesting things to say about boogers and snot. Snot is suddenly a subject of more immediacy to me right now than poo.
I'm off to drink some Neo-Citrin.

Party Hard!!! Moderately!
In the pre-game warmup to the Oilers season finale against Calgary the other night, Andrew W.K.'s Party Hard was booming through the sound system, and apparently the Flames got pumped up cause they kicked the Oilers' asses. And the Oilers didn't seem to be in the mood to party very hard at all- but that's OK because they knew that on Wednesday the real party would begin, right? So until then, Homie Bear suggests, in the words of Pink and KoRn, Let's Calmly Get This Party Started!
Oh yeah, and the Oilers handed out their team awards that night too, and Todd Marchant was given the Zane Feldman Trophy for MVP of the Oilers, and Tommy Salo was the co-winner. (Sadly, Zane Feldman, an original owner of the Oilers way back, actually passed away that night -RIP) You might remember a few months ago I implored GM Kevin Lowe to not trade Toddy away, and he obviously read it and changed his mind. As promised, I hereby dub him Sir Lowe, Super Pooper Extraordinaire. Unless I already did- I sorta remember doing it already but I am sick and feverish at the moment so it could just be the Delirium Tremens getting to me.

Regular Season Over, Stanley Season Begins!
I won my hockey poo! The outcome was never really in doubt, as I had 130 points more than the closest person to me, Alex, who I believe now has to become my poodawan, isn't that right? We made some side bets, and Mike (who finished dead last) now owes me supper at Moe's while we watch a playoff game.
And the playoffs start on Wednesday!!! Wow. Oilers will be playing Dallas. Again. But that's fine- it's a good rivalry, and kind of ironic since both teams missed the playoffs last year, after facing each other in the first or second round for five straight years. Dallas won four of those series . . . but that was then. I kind of feel sorry for Dallas- they had a pretty good season, finishing first in the Western Conference and all, but they will Lose Demoralizingly Badly to the Oilers. Remember that time Todd Marchant scored the series winner in Game 7 OT? After being down in the series 3 games to 1? And then the next year they were losing to Colorado by the same margin and came back to win that one too? I can't wait to see what new chapters will be written in the Oilers' Glorious Playoff History this year.
After Dallas we will likely face Detroit, then Vancouver, and finally, Ottawa, before drinking champagne from Lord Stanley's Silver Mug for the first time since 1990. All the other teams might as well just concede now.

Here is the finalized version of the Poo Primer
A is for Apoocalypse, the world come to end
B is for Bear, man's very best friend
C is for Cult Leader- Promoting the Violence
D is for Dropping, no need for your silence
E is for Eating, as in Eat My Poo
F is for Flushing, to clear out the loo
G is for Growl, a great Grizzlie greeting
H is for Hornet-Dog, stinging and eating
I is for Indulgence, to get out of limbo
J is for Jezebel, she is a bimbo
K is for Klaw, yeah, I spell it with K
L is for Legomouse, cause he passed away
M is for Murderous, as in Axe of Morgoth
N is for North Pole, where it's cold like on Hoth
O is for Orc that bears like to eat
P is for Poo which isn't as sweet!
Q is for Quebec, where a bear is an ours
R is for Restraining Order, Here, I have yours!
S is for Sasquatch, they give me a scare
T is for Tibet, super-high in the air
U is for Umm, a handy word for sure
V is for Virtuous, cause I am so pure
W is for Waddell, Homie Bear's clan
X is for Xerxes, a Syrian man
Y is for Yak, ornery and mean
Z is for Zero, number of Yetis I've seen

There, the Poo Primer is finally all done. Now to work on getting it into the preschools as the standard curriculum.
In other news, I'm a little bit sick right now, and I have to preach in a couple hours. I hope my throat can hold out.

Not only does April feature the Day of Fools (and God's joke on us this year is all the extra winter we're having), it is also the month of Poolight Savings Time. So even though my body says it is 2:30 right now, which is already late enough, it is now legally 3:30. So just a pooblic service announcement: move your clocks one hour ahead. It is important that I remember because I am preaching tomorrow at the Gathering, and not only do I have the bad habit of thinking we start at 7 when we start at 6 (PM), but if I forget about the time change I could pootentially be 2 hours late.
Did you know that all of China is on Beijing Standard Time (or whatever it's called)? Kind of sucks for the Tibetans and Uighurs who have to get up at 6AM BST, and it's actually like 3 or 4AM. At least they probably don't have to deal with telemarketers who call at 9:00 their time and it's still 7:00 my time. Grrrrrrr.

Q is for Quebec, where a bear is an ours*
R is for Restraining Order, Here, I have yours!

* Ours being French. Thanks to Erica for the suggestion- I want to give her credit here too in case you don't read the droppings. Which you should. And leave some too, it's free!

More Poo Primer Fun
C is for Cult Leader- Promoting the Violence
D is for Dropping, no need for your silence
E is for Eating, as in Eat My Poo
F is for Flushing, to clear out the loo
G is for Growl, a great Grizzlie greeting
H is for Hornet-Dog, stinging and eating
I is for Indulgence, to get out of limbo
J is for Jezebel, she is a bimbo
K is for Klaw, yeah, I spell it with K
L is for Legomouse, cause he passed away
M is for Murderous, as in Axe of Morgoth
N is for North Pole, where it's cold like on Hoth
O and P I did already, so . . .
Q is for ummm, I think I need help with this one- can you think of anything?

Heehee- Homie Bear would never do that. Go read the rest of this twisted ABC's of death by clicking on the picture. They're funny and morbid, kind of like The Nightmare Before Christmas. I feel bad for Kate. Surprisingly, P is not for poo in this one. I think I should write a Pooing in the Woods alphabet primer. And someone could illustrate it! Yeah! Good idea!
A is for Apoocalypse, the world come to end, B is for Bear, man's very best friend . . . O is for Orc that bears like to eat, P is for Poo which isn't as sweet!

I just got back from playing Lord of the Rings Risk. And I totally won, as I always do, even though I rolled a Phenomenally Anomalic number of 1's and 2's. It's to be expected that I would win though, since the all the other guys were pooheads. However, I do not recommend any of you go out and buy this game- it isn't really that great. It comes with a One Ring but it doesn't even turn you translucent, so it's pretty much useless. And the map doesn't show Gondor or Mordor, which seems kind of strange considering it's a game about the conquest of Middle-Earth. Those two countries strike me as the two most strategically important territories in all of Middle-Earth.
But that reminds me- only 242 days or so till The Return of the King. Here is a link to some alternate casting choices for the movies. The Gollum one is funny, the rest are actually kind of dumb, but it shows how poofect the real cast is. And let me see if I can find the JarJaromir link that was all over the net a couple months ago. Oh look- there it is.
By the way I found a copy of The Silmarillion the other day in a used bookstore for three dollars. My parents have an edition with a big fold-out map, but at least now I have my own copy. It's in the same style as the old LOTR set I have so that made me happy -the Unwin/Magnum versions prevalent in the '70's. (Anyone else have that set? The covers are really drab but I have a sentimental attachment to them.)
My Dad once told me they were going to name me Frodo. Luckily they forebore. Homie Bear is a fine name.

So it's April and even though it snowed and dropped considerably below zero again, spring is here, and only happy things are coming. Just one week away from the best time of year- Stanley Cup Playoffs, and the Oilers are back in it, after taking a little break last year. Excitement is palpable here in Edmonton. They will almost certainly win the Cup this year.
And don't forget the new baseball season is here, much to Blu's disgust, but I like baseball. In fact, I finally got to go to my first MLB game ever two years ago- Coors Field in Denver to watch the Rockies play the Giants. And then last year I got to go to Fabled Yankee Stadium and take in a game there against the Diamondbacks. Maybe this year I will get to go to another one, though I don't foresee being in any major league cities any time soon. It would be cool to get out to Montreal though and watch the Expoos play- after this year they will no longer exist.

The Expoos are the oppoosite of Poo-X's.

I regret to announce that this is the end. I have decided to discontinue Pooing in the Woods. Good-bye.