And a little cub.
Thursday, February 27, 2003
I was hard at work today, scanning and altering. Look at me go! I scanned the bear drawings I made many years ago now, as well as some photos of an Arctic Fox I hung out with one day up in Churchill. Check 'em out over at the photos link which is always over on the left, too. The fox pictures I adjusted the color of, made 'em more blue, cause in real life they are quite greyish, since it was getting dark when I took them. In Chinese poolar bears are called bei ji xiong, North Pole bear. And here is a poolar bear I drew that I like.
And a little cub.
And a little cub.
So Legolas the mouse is still doing fine. I'm getting pretty attached to the little guy, actually. Every now and then he'll stand up on his hind legs and try to jump out of his terrarium, but he can't jump very high, so it's kind of funny. I take him out and play with him lots too, and he still hasn't pooed on me. I think he likes me too. Anyways, I was getting a little concerned for him- I couldn't really remember how much Lauren said I had to feed him. So I pulled out the pamphlet she gave me from the pet store, and found this Interesting and Informative Treatise on the history of mice:
Mice originated in Australia and the Old World before being introduced to the rest of the countries by humans. Many of these introductions were not intentional, as the mice were stowaways on ships. The Cretans and Greeks worshipped mice, and built temples for them.
And that's it. I love the geopolitical implications- there's Australia and some Nebulous Bloc known as the Old World (which includes, apparently, Crete and Greece), and then there's the rest of the countries. I think whoever wrote that just made it up completely out of their head. And I think I can do better, while clearing up some of the misinformation contained in the pamphlet:
The Historical Origin of the Mouse
Mice weren't always as we know them, in the sense that they were once a sort of Peruvian duck. But the ancient Incas domesticated these ducks and eventually they bred them into the form we are familiar with today. But for some unknown reason, this new breed of mice was forced to migrate to Antarctica before the Inca Civilization even came to exist, and so no one knew about them even after they were no longer ducks, except the Cretes and the Greeks, who worshipped them. However, the South Pole proved to be too hostile to support the mice popluation, and anyways the mice felt bad about pooing all over the pristine whiteness of the South Polar Ice Cap, and thus they once again moved to Australia, and also the Old World. But not the rest of the countries, until the natural scientific proclivities of the mice caused them to sneak Exploratory Parties onto the ships of unsuspecting humans, such as the Chinese Pirate Warlord, Captain Antarctica. And thus mice (as well as a number of penguins who unfortunately all died of scurvy) spread across the face of the earth, and learned to like cheese.
Mice originated in Australia and the Old World before being introduced to the rest of the countries by humans. Many of these introductions were not intentional, as the mice were stowaways on ships. The Cretans and Greeks worshipped mice, and built temples for them.
And that's it. I love the geopolitical implications- there's Australia and some Nebulous Bloc known as the Old World (which includes, apparently, Crete and Greece), and then there's the rest of the countries. I think whoever wrote that just made it up completely out of their head. And I think I can do better, while clearing up some of the misinformation contained in the pamphlet:
The Historical Origin of the Mouse
Mice weren't always as we know them, in the sense that they were once a sort of Peruvian duck. But the ancient Incas domesticated these ducks and eventually they bred them into the form we are familiar with today. But for some unknown reason, this new breed of mice was forced to migrate to Antarctica before the Inca Civilization even came to exist, and so no one knew about them even after they were no longer ducks, except the Cretes and the Greeks, who worshipped them. However, the South Pole proved to be too hostile to support the mice popluation, and anyways the mice felt bad about pooing all over the pristine whiteness of the South Polar Ice Cap, and thus they once again moved to Australia, and also the Old World. But not the rest of the countries, until the natural scientific proclivities of the mice caused them to sneak Exploratory Parties onto the ships of unsuspecting humans, such as the Chinese Pirate Warlord, Captain Antarctica. And thus mice (as well as a number of penguins who unfortunately all died of scurvy) spread across the face of the earth, and learned to like cheese.
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
Trev and I went and saw the IMAX movie about Shackleton's Antarctic Adventure. Pretty inspiring. All about endurance against incredible obstacles. And as with most IMAX movies, the cinematography was one of the stars of the show. We went to the 3:00 matinee, since it was the only show today for some reason, and the theatre was filled up mostly with seniors- a group outing I guess, or Seniors Day. Afterwards, as Trev and I discussed the movie and the various lessons one could learn, he said something that made me think a bit. He said that the seniors in the audience probably have had a lot of experiences in their lives that enabled them to learn endurance. Maybe not from being stranded in the Antarctic for 21 months, but the type of stuff that life is made of- brokenness, loss, even war, in some cases. Us young guys (well, Trevor isn't THAT young :) have our stuff we've gone through too, for sure, but maybe this is just a good reminder to look to the older generations- the grizzled grizzlies- for their wisdom and example. So, if you're lucky enough to have a senior in your life, call them up and take them to the movies. And then listen to what they have to say afterwards.
Oh yeah and the movie itself gets Two Poos out of Five. I'd give it less but it really zoomed through the story, a minor complaint.
Oh yeah and the movie itself gets Two Poos out of Five. I'd give it less but it really zoomed through the story, a minor complaint.
Urgent P.O.O. request (Please OHelp OMe) to all my friends out there in the Woods. Can someone please tape One Life To Live on abc on Thursady at 2:00? My friend Jonny Smelter makes his Network Television Debut on that day, as a bass playing extra. It is the first step in what will be a Planet Conquering Career, so I want to see it. But I don't have cable and anyways I will not be home. Email me or tell me in the comments that you can. Thanks. And since the pooey comment thing isn't working AGAIN I guess you'll have to email me. Or phone me, or tell me in person, that is always an option too.
Monday, February 24, 2003
Hey Hey Hey Homie Bear
So I heard the Grammies were on last night or something. Well, no offense to any of you out there who may have won one, but the Grammies=poo. What really matters are the Homies, and I have one to hand out today. But first, a story.
Last week I went and saw Daredevil with the members of 7DF, like I mentioned earlier. Afterwards they were talking about the upcoming Gathering service, and how excited they were for it, since they woud be bringing the noiz (in the parlance of our times). Dino was like, "You're gonna be there, right? We got a special band surprise, you're gonna love it." And I told him that I'm ALWAYS there, but they needed even more reassurance, so I started to Suspect That Something Was Up. I started thinking that maybe they would play a KoRn song, maybe Mike would even learn the bagpipes this week so they could play Shoots and Ladders or Dead. But this theory didn't really hold water, for although they have been known to cover some pretty great tunes, KoRn's songs don't particularly lend themselves to a church worship service.
Last night finally arrived, and as always, I almost forgot to show up on time (one of these days it will sink in that we start at 6 now- it's only been three months already). The boys started with one of my favorites- Light Us Up. The first lyric could almost be my motto- "Wanna be a saint, living like a whore, just a bag of bones on this desert floor". And they played many more Tunes of Excellent and Enduring Quality, notably Wild Cherry Napalm which saw Dino give us his best impression of Flea, and I have to say, Flea himself would have been impressed. Heck, I even found myself not minding Shrove Tuesday, now that I can get past my dislike for the word shrove.
But the Surprise- wow what a surprise. They wrote a song for me!!!!! And by me I mean Homie Bear!!!!! Pooing in the Woods now has a theme song, and a mighty fine song it was, too, with In-Depth and Mythical Lyrics, to quote Mike's Factual Description, and the rollicking, frolicking music backed up by a Thundering Drum Beat courtesy of Blu. They wanted to encourage me, and that they did. Plus they made me laugh, which I always appreciate. Wow. My own theme song. So cool. I'll poost the lyrics later when I get them. But thanks, guys, you made my day. No my year.
So, the Homie Award for Best Song Ever goes to . . . Seven Devil Fix for Hey Hey Hey Homie Bear!!
So I heard the Grammies were on last night or something. Well, no offense to any of you out there who may have won one, but the Grammies=poo. What really matters are the Homies, and I have one to hand out today. But first, a story.
Last week I went and saw Daredevil with the members of 7DF, like I mentioned earlier. Afterwards they were talking about the upcoming Gathering service, and how excited they were for it, since they woud be bringing the noiz (in the parlance of our times). Dino was like, "You're gonna be there, right? We got a special band surprise, you're gonna love it." And I told him that I'm ALWAYS there, but they needed even more reassurance, so I started to Suspect That Something Was Up. I started thinking that maybe they would play a KoRn song, maybe Mike would even learn the bagpipes this week so they could play Shoots and Ladders or Dead. But this theory didn't really hold water, for although they have been known to cover some pretty great tunes, KoRn's songs don't particularly lend themselves to a church worship service.
Last night finally arrived, and as always, I almost forgot to show up on time (one of these days it will sink in that we start at 6 now- it's only been three months already). The boys started with one of my favorites- Light Us Up. The first lyric could almost be my motto- "Wanna be a saint, living like a whore, just a bag of bones on this desert floor". And they played many more Tunes of Excellent and Enduring Quality, notably Wild Cherry Napalm which saw Dino give us his best impression of Flea, and I have to say, Flea himself would have been impressed. Heck, I even found myself not minding Shrove Tuesday, now that I can get past my dislike for the word shrove.
But the Surprise- wow what a surprise. They wrote a song for me!!!!! And by me I mean Homie Bear!!!!! Pooing in the Woods now has a theme song, and a mighty fine song it was, too, with In-Depth and Mythical Lyrics, to quote Mike's Factual Description, and the rollicking, frolicking music backed up by a Thundering Drum Beat courtesy of Blu. They wanted to encourage me, and that they did. Plus they made me laugh, which I always appreciate. Wow. My own theme song. So cool. I'll poost the lyrics later when I get them. But thanks, guys, you made my day. No my year.
So, the Homie Award for Best Song Ever goes to . . . Seven Devil Fix for Hey Hey Hey Homie Bear!!
Sunday, February 23, 2003
Attention all Super Poopers!
Super Pooper Extraordinaire Cal has sent me a link that you all need to see. I sent it to some of you Super Poopers First Class for Services Rendered in the past, but many of them came back to me so I thought I would poost it here for everyone's enjoyment: Splash Splash Baby.
Super Pooper Extraordinaire Cal has sent me a link that you all need to see. I sent it to some of you Super Poopers First Class for Services Rendered in the past, but many of them came back to me so I thought I would poost it here for everyone's enjoyment: Splash Splash Baby.
Saturday, February 22, 2003
I'm in!
As you have always known, Homie Bear is a gemius. I was having all these pooblems getting signed into Oilers Poondits, but I figured out what was going on (hotlinks from inside a hotmail message=full of poo) and now I'm all set up, and I even poosted my first Fearless Prediction for the outcome of tonight's game. So go check it out, and admire my Many Layers of Intellect.
Keeping in mind that Intellect doesn't necessarily=Psychic Poowers.
As you have always known, Homie Bear is a gemius. I was having all these pooblems getting signed into Oilers Poondits, but I figured out what was going on (hotlinks from inside a hotmail message=full of poo) and now I'm all set up, and I even poosted my first Fearless Prediction for the outcome of tonight's game. So go check it out, and admire my Many Layers of Intellect.
Keeping in mind that Intellect doesn't necessarily=Psychic Poowers.
Further Proof That Bagpipes=Best
As if you needed to be convinced. But just listen to these three songs: Shoots and Ladders, My Gift to You, and Dead, all by KoRn. The 'Pipes just magnify the Heaviness Factor by a Billion. A few years ago I went to a KoRn Koncert and I'll never forget the encore, when Jonathan Davis came out dressed up in full kilt with his bagpipes, standing atop a hydraulic platform, pooforming Shoots and Ladders. Delightful, old chum.
As if you needed to be convinced. But just listen to these three songs: Shoots and Ladders, My Gift to You, and Dead, all by KoRn. The 'Pipes just magnify the Heaviness Factor by a Billion. A few years ago I went to a KoRn Koncert and I'll never forget the encore, when Jonathan Davis came out dressed up in full kilt with his bagpipes, standing atop a hydraulic platform, pooforming Shoots and Ladders. Delightful, old chum.
Two things I love- Star Wars (yes, even the new epoosodes) and Samurai Jack. Well, now they are Together at Last! Sort of. Samurai Jack creator Genndy Tartakovsky is pooducing a number of three-minute cartoon shorts for the Cartoon Network, based on the Clone Wars. Cool, eh? Maybe Lucas will let the Brilliant Tartapoo write, direct and animate Epoosode III. That would be cool. Anyways, find out more here. Never seen Samurai Jack? You are to be pitied.
Scottish Kung Fu Dancing
A couple years ago, at the Mighty Grant Mac, I was talking to Morna when she informed me she enjoyed Scottish Kung Fu Dancing. That sounded pretty fun to me, so I wanted to know more. Turns out I misheard her, she said Scottish Country Dancing, but I discovered it is still a lot of fun. Can you spell Ceilidh? Yeah, I can't either, but it's pronounced Kaley and it means Scottish HoeDown. I went to my first one a couple of years ago after that encounter with Morna, and I went to another one tonight! Morna had invited a bunch of us a while ago, and I eagerly marked my calendar. And then she got to go off on an Exciting and Epic Adventure to California, and I was saddened that I would miss the Ceilidh. But no! Undaunted, the Just-Now-Engaged Alex and Michelle suggested we go anyways, and we Bravely Resolved to do so, with Happy Fun Results! For one thing, it's held at the number one Fanciest Pantsiest Place in Town, the Hotel MacDonald (where you have to be really poolite at all times). And not only is there lots of Scottish Kung Fu Dancing, there is also an amazing Pipes and Drum band who seriously are amazing. Yes, two amazings in one sentence, that's how good they are. Bagpipes=Best.
And then we went over to Michelle and Melissa's house for a little chocolate fondu (FunPoo, as Alex Rightfully Renamed it). Alex left a little present for the next person who uses the pootty there. Hee hee.
A couple years ago, at the Mighty Grant Mac, I was talking to Morna when she informed me she enjoyed Scottish Kung Fu Dancing. That sounded pretty fun to me, so I wanted to know more. Turns out I misheard her, she said Scottish Country Dancing, but I discovered it is still a lot of fun. Can you spell Ceilidh? Yeah, I can't either, but it's pronounced Kaley and it means Scottish HoeDown. I went to my first one a couple of years ago after that encounter with Morna, and I went to another one tonight! Morna had invited a bunch of us a while ago, and I eagerly marked my calendar. And then she got to go off on an Exciting and Epic Adventure to California, and I was saddened that I would miss the Ceilidh. But no! Undaunted, the Just-Now-Engaged Alex and Michelle suggested we go anyways, and we Bravely Resolved to do so, with Happy Fun Results! For one thing, it's held at the number one Fanciest Pantsiest Place in Town, the Hotel MacDonald (where you have to be really poolite at all times). And not only is there lots of Scottish Kung Fu Dancing, there is also an amazing Pipes and Drum band who seriously are amazing. Yes, two amazings in one sentence, that's how good they are. Bagpipes=Best.
And then we went over to Michelle and Melissa's house for a little chocolate fondu (FunPoo, as Alex Rightfully Renamed it). Alex left a little present for the next person who uses the pootty there. Hee hee.
Thursday, February 20, 2003
Look at me being all poolific. That means I write a lot. Four poosts today (though one was suppoosed to be for Oilers Poondits but anyways) PLUS I actually wrote something semi-serious, in my other guise as Tror Orcboot, this name came courtesy of Scotty by way of the LOTR random name generator. I have more personae than Marshall Mathers, man. Anyways, the Orcboot piece is over at my church's website, check it out if you want, the actual article is here. I used to write for that Excellently CSS-Scripted-by-Ninjas Site more often, but I've found myself neglecting that for this here pooblog. They've been doing a lot of rebuilding and stuff, so much of the content is still offline, but it is a fine site. Want to contribute? Can you write? Send my friend Scotty Superhero an email. He can be reached through the website you'll be at as soon as you're done reading this, right? You can comment on the article here if you like, and also the point of this particular series of articles is that people can comment on them and they will then be grafted into the article, sort of like a commenting system too. So do that too if you want.
Frustration
I tried getting set up at Oilers Poondits again this morning, but once again I was Foiled! I'm not sure what the cause of the trouble is, so I am now waiting on Blogger Support to answer my query. And I have so much Oilers wisdom to impart, too! Like tonight, they'll be playing the Red Wings, always a good time. The Oil have had some success against the Defending Champs this season, going 2-0-1 so far. Both Detroit and Edmonton have been slipping in the standings as of late, so it should be a great game settled by the team who wants it most.
Former Oilers Goalie Curtis Joseph now plays for the Wings, but I remember a game from several years ago when Cujo stopped something like 51 shots against Detroit for the first 0-0 tie in Oilers history. With Cujo's and Salo's GAA roughly equal, a modest 2.65 vs 2.62 respectively, tonight's match will likely not be the same type of goaltending duel as that, but it will be a good fast-paced game that Edmonton HAS to win. My prediction: Oilers 8, Detroit Poo.
I tried getting set up at Oilers Poondits again this morning, but once again I was Foiled! I'm not sure what the cause of the trouble is, so I am now waiting on Blogger Support to answer my query. And I have so much Oilers wisdom to impart, too! Like tonight, they'll be playing the Red Wings, always a good time. The Oil have had some success against the Defending Champs this season, going 2-0-1 so far. Both Detroit and Edmonton have been slipping in the standings as of late, so it should be a great game settled by the team who wants it most.
Former Oilers Goalie Curtis Joseph now plays for the Wings, but I remember a game from several years ago when Cujo stopped something like 51 shots against Detroit for the first 0-0 tie in Oilers history. With Cujo's and Salo's GAA roughly equal, a modest 2.65 vs 2.62 respectively, tonight's match will likely not be the same type of goaltending duel as that, but it will be a good fast-paced game that Edmonton HAS to win. My prediction: Oilers 8, Detroit Poo.
I went and picked up Erica from the airport today! She is in town for a few days, and it was great to see her. Alex and I met her and her family while hiking the Chilkoot earlier this year. She got me a really great present- Bill Bryson's "A Walk in the Woods"! It's about the Appalachian Trail, and it even has a bear on the cover. If you have never read Bryson, you're missing out. Him and Tim Cahill are my two favorite writers, they specialize in travel writing which I know is kind of a niche genre but it is my favorite at this point in my life.
Anyways, as I was driving Erica to her place, we passed into the River Valley heading up towards downtown, all shrouded in the snow fog going on right now. Erica remarked how much she missed the skyline here, and how beautiful it is. Well, I complimented her on her Excellent Taste in Cities, and returned the praise by saying that Ottawa is very nice too, what with the House of Commons and all. Then I went into Geology Man mode and explained to her how the stonework at the Parliament is made up largely of a certain type of sandstone, which is derived locally (For you locals, check out St. Joe's and the Tory building on campus for more of this formation- it has many fossils in it- mostly marine invertebrates but maybe some tyrannosaurus rexes if you look closely) This formation is known as the Paskapoo! So of course I had to write about it, I mean how often can I use my Geology degree in the service of the Mighty Nation of Pooing in the Woods? Plus it's fun to say. Paskapoo. Heehee.
Anyways, as I was driving Erica to her place, we passed into the River Valley heading up towards downtown, all shrouded in the snow fog going on right now. Erica remarked how much she missed the skyline here, and how beautiful it is. Well, I complimented her on her Excellent Taste in Cities, and returned the praise by saying that Ottawa is very nice too, what with the House of Commons and all. Then I went into Geology Man mode and explained to her how the stonework at the Parliament is made up largely of a certain type of sandstone, which is derived locally (For you locals, check out St. Joe's and the Tory building on campus for more of this formation- it has many fossils in it- mostly marine invertebrates but maybe some tyrannosaurus rexes if you look closely) This formation is known as the Paskapoo! So of course I had to write about it, I mean how often can I use my Geology degree in the service of the Mighty Nation of Pooing in the Woods? Plus it's fun to say. Paskapoo. Heehee.
I've added a few new links lately- first of all, let me highlight my sister's blog , who has many interesting stories to tell about living in Mexico. She doesn't say poo ever, but don't hold it against her- she is the reigning Pooet Laureate on these pages after all. Then I came across a rather interesting Bloggal phenomenon- it seems I am not the only Bear Blogger out there ("he was our only hope." "No, there is another."). Little Bear is not only an excellent writer, she has also recently poosted about poop! Is that crazy or what! We must be related. So go check out her blog. And some exciting news- I get to be an Oilers Pundit! Yay! I have been added to the Elite and Sagacious Poondits, but I can't poost just yet because I screwed up the invite to join. But check out another side of my persona in the next few days.
And I tried to make each entry linkable, which I did, but unfortunately, like with commenting systems, it doesn't seem to be retroactive, so I wouldn't be able to link to the poost about The Murderous Axe of Morgoth, for example. Or all the great pooems we wrote. But from now on I will be able to.
And I tried to make each entry linkable, which I did, but unfortunately, like with commenting systems, it doesn't seem to be retroactive, so I wouldn't be able to link to the poost about The Murderous Axe of Morgoth, for example. Or all the great pooems we wrote. But from now on I will be able to.
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Creative Geniuses
A long time ago, me and Jonny Smelter used to team up for group assignments in our grade 5 and 6 classes. We always had to do presentations on various topics, and our first one was at the end of grade 5, and the assignment was do a book report. So Jon and I decided we would do ours on The Sword of Shannara, but instead of doing a dry, pooey old report, we decided to do it in style- an interview with the wizard Allanon. So we made up a character named Flat Paycheck (sort of a joke on Pat Sajak- we were 11 ok!) who would interview our guest. The grande finale was when Allanon got fed up with Mr. Paycheck's annoying questions and decided to blast him with some of his Blue Fire that he does. Me and Jon spent hours designing the special effects for that- basically a piece of cardboard cut and colored to look like blue fire, attached to an elastic band. It was cool.
In grade 6 we had the same teacher, so we got to continue the Flat Paycheck show all year long. Our first show was a puppet show, and Flat got to interview the entire Pantheon of Greek Gods and monsters- we designed centaur puppets and such, even a Pegasus. Well, not to delve too deeply into the details, since Jon is STILL mad at me for going to see the Karate Kid the night I SHOULD have been making my share of the puppets, but he did a really excellent job on his puppets, and we got a great mark. Of course, the next project, everyone copied us and put on a puppet show, but we went back to live action. We had so much fun doing it, and Mrs. Baxter loved us.
Over the course of the year we interviewed a Sasquatch (ahh now you see my reason for this Long and Ancient Story) who bonked Flat Paycheck on the head (Travis helped us out, I sat on his shoulders and wore the sasquatch mask we made, and a fur coat); we interviewed Eugene the Uralian (from Uranus- talk about a source of readymade juvenile entertainment- plus Eugene shot Flat Paycheck with an improved version of the Allanon gun- a zap ray made out of toilet paper tubes); and my favorite, as well as our coup de grace, we interviewed Spatula the Statuela, an Easter Island statue. He was a work of art, he even had moving lips and the ability to stick his tongue out at poor ole Paycheck. Those were the days.
A long time ago, me and Jonny Smelter used to team up for group assignments in our grade 5 and 6 classes. We always had to do presentations on various topics, and our first one was at the end of grade 5, and the assignment was do a book report. So Jon and I decided we would do ours on The Sword of Shannara, but instead of doing a dry, pooey old report, we decided to do it in style- an interview with the wizard Allanon. So we made up a character named Flat Paycheck (sort of a joke on Pat Sajak- we were 11 ok!) who would interview our guest. The grande finale was when Allanon got fed up with Mr. Paycheck's annoying questions and decided to blast him with some of his Blue Fire that he does. Me and Jon spent hours designing the special effects for that- basically a piece of cardboard cut and colored to look like blue fire, attached to an elastic band. It was cool.
In grade 6 we had the same teacher, so we got to continue the Flat Paycheck show all year long. Our first show was a puppet show, and Flat got to interview the entire Pantheon of Greek Gods and monsters- we designed centaur puppets and such, even a Pegasus. Well, not to delve too deeply into the details, since Jon is STILL mad at me for going to see the Karate Kid the night I SHOULD have been making my share of the puppets, but he did a really excellent job on his puppets, and we got a great mark. Of course, the next project, everyone copied us and put on a puppet show, but we went back to live action. We had so much fun doing it, and Mrs. Baxter loved us.
Over the course of the year we interviewed a Sasquatch (ahh now you see my reason for this Long and Ancient Story) who bonked Flat Paycheck on the head (Travis helped us out, I sat on his shoulders and wore the sasquatch mask we made, and a fur coat); we interviewed Eugene the Uralian (from Uranus- talk about a source of readymade juvenile entertainment- plus Eugene shot Flat Paycheck with an improved version of the Allanon gun- a zap ray made out of toilet paper tubes); and my favorite, as well as our coup de grace, we interviewed Spatula the Statuela, an Easter Island statue. He was a work of art, he even had moving lips and the ability to stick his tongue out at poor ole Paycheck. Those were the days.
Tuesday, February 18, 2003
Haloscan has been having a lot of problems this weekend- they say everything should be running by today sometime, but we'll see. It seems as though I chose the most Pooey commenting service there is, not to complain too much about a free service. And now everything is working fine again.
Just got back from my favorite used bookstore. Only bought kids' books today- an Asterix, a really beautifully painted book about the Chinese Zodiac, and two books about poolar bears, written by a guy whose name I am jealous of- Hans de Beer.
It's absolutely gorgeous out: 5 degrees! But by Thursday the daytime high is suppoosed to drop to -17. Arctic high coming in, courtesy of my friends the poolar bears.
Saw Daredevil yesterday with members of Seven Daredevil Fix. I liked it- enough to give it 2 poos out of 5.
Just got back from my favorite used bookstore. Only bought kids' books today- an Asterix, a really beautifully painted book about the Chinese Zodiac, and two books about poolar bears, written by a guy whose name I am jealous of- Hans de Beer.
It's absolutely gorgeous out: 5 degrees! But by Thursday the daytime high is suppoosed to drop to -17. Arctic high coming in, courtesy of my friends the poolar bears.
Saw Daredevil yesterday with members of Seven Daredevil Fix. I liked it- enough to give it 2 poos out of 5.
Monday, February 17, 2003
Aside from the fact that I am a bear, one of the reasons why I was never really very scared of bears growing up is that I was much more concerned about sasquatches. Even though we had to put the occasional bear trap in our yard, but never a sasquatch trap. I saw a sasquatch once, though. When I was three. And it had a cluster of flourescent math symbols instead of a face. So I suppose it's possible I just saw a math poster or something and mistook it for a bigfoot. Regardless, Homie Bear would like to offer the following sure-fire ways to identify sasquatch spoor in the woods. Foot prints are a dead give-away, as sasquatches almost always go barefoot, but occasionally are known to wear oversize bunny slippers. And of course their poo is somewhat distinctive- I need not describe it here other than to say, the word bigfoot was mistranslated from the original native dialect, and a more proper rendering would be Bigpoop.
I didn't draw that, I don't know who did or who holds the copyright, I just wanted to see if I had what it took to html a picture. Me=Smrt! But I will not over use these newfound Poowers.
I didn't draw that, I don't know who did or who holds the copyright, I just wanted to see if I had what it took to html a picture. Me=Smrt! But I will not over use these newfound Poowers.
Some of my American, Asian and European (no no Europooin!) friends might not be familiar with Stompin' Tom Connors. He is Canada's Minstrel. My favorite song is the Sasquatch Song, which goes like this (you'll have to supply your own melody I guess):
One day at midnight the sun was so brght
The moon had no light that I could see
This big ole sasquatch said he was top-notch
At playing hopscoth way up in a tree
So I bet my wrist-watch that big ole sasquatch
Could never play hopscoth way up in a tree
Now there's a sasquatch up in a tree crotch
He's got my wrist watch, and he's laughing at me
I told the mounties throughout the counties
To put some bounties all over BC
And stop that sasquatch from playing hopscocth
Till he gives my wrist watch right back to me
Then Corporal Savern he found a tavern
In an empty cavern where the sun don't shine
And he found a sasquatch drinking blue blotch
Wearing a wrist watch looking just like mine
So he asked the sasquatch where he got the wrist watch
And that big ole sasquatch, he began to lie
Said he got the wrist watch while playing hopscotch
Up in a tree crotch with a stupid old guy
So the Mountie told him he could never hold him
He'd have to scold him for doing no harm
So they played some hopscotch until the sasquatch
Had the Mountie's wrist watch on his other arm
Now all the mounties throughout the counties
They're placing bounties all over the land
And that big ole sasquatch he won't feel top notch
When they get their sasquatch like they get their man
Cause if that sasquatch keeps playing hop scotch
There won't be a wrist watch for miles around
Cause he'll play hop scotch till he gets your wrist watch
Up in that tree crotch, and he'll never come down
So don't play hop scotch near any old tree crotch
Until that ole watch-stealin' big feelin' hop scotchin' sasquatch is found!
One day at midnight the sun was so brght
The moon had no light that I could see
This big ole sasquatch said he was top-notch
At playing hopscoth way up in a tree
So I bet my wrist-watch that big ole sasquatch
Could never play hopscoth way up in a tree
Now there's a sasquatch up in a tree crotch
He's got my wrist watch, and he's laughing at me
I told the mounties throughout the counties
To put some bounties all over BC
And stop that sasquatch from playing hopscocth
Till he gives my wrist watch right back to me
Then Corporal Savern he found a tavern
In an empty cavern where the sun don't shine
And he found a sasquatch drinking blue blotch
Wearing a wrist watch looking just like mine
So he asked the sasquatch where he got the wrist watch
And that big ole sasquatch, he began to lie
Said he got the wrist watch while playing hopscotch
Up in a tree crotch with a stupid old guy
So the Mountie told him he could never hold him
He'd have to scold him for doing no harm
So they played some hopscotch until the sasquatch
Had the Mountie's wrist watch on his other arm
Now all the mounties throughout the counties
They're placing bounties all over the land
And that big ole sasquatch he won't feel top notch
When they get their sasquatch like they get their man
Cause if that sasquatch keeps playing hop scotch
There won't be a wrist watch for miles around
Cause he'll play hop scotch till he gets your wrist watch
Up in that tree crotch, and he'll never come down
So don't play hop scotch near any old tree crotch
Until that ole watch-stealin' big feelin' hop scotchin' sasquatch is found!
Sunday, February 16, 2003
Matty got married yesterday- it was a nice wedding. Many old friends who I haven't seen in a long time were there- Cora Lee and Amy especially. Mike was going to come, since Matt was his room-mate too, but then he decided at the last minute that he would rather stay home and watch the hockey game. It was Hockey Day In Canada yesterday, you know. But the Oilers lost to the Montreal Pooing Canadiens so it was a very sad Hockey Day In Canada.
THE HOCKEY SONG - STOMPIN' TOM CONNORS
Hello out there we're on the air, it's hockey night tonight
The whistle blows & the tension grows and the puck goes down the ice
The goalie jumps and the players bump & the fans all goes insane
Someone roars Bobby scores at the good old hockey game
Chorus: Oh the good old hockey game is the best game you can name
And the best game you can name is the good old hockey game
2nd Period
Where players dance with skates that flash the home team trails behind
But they grab the puck & go bursting up & they're down across the line
They storm the creese like bumble bees they travel like a burning flame
We see them slide the puck inside it's a one one hockey game
Chorus
3rd Period Last game of the playoffs too!
Oh take me where those hockey players face off down the rink
And the Stanley cup is all filled up for the champs who win the drink
Now the final flick of a hockey stick and one gigantic scream
The puck is in the home team wins the good old hockey game
Chorus
Heads up... He shoots he scores!
THE HOCKEY SONG - STOMPIN' TOM CONNORS
Hello out there we're on the air, it's hockey night tonight
The whistle blows & the tension grows and the puck goes down the ice
The goalie jumps and the players bump & the fans all goes insane
Someone roars Bobby scores at the good old hockey game
Chorus: Oh the good old hockey game is the best game you can name
And the best game you can name is the good old hockey game
2nd Period
Where players dance with skates that flash the home team trails behind
But they grab the puck & go bursting up & they're down across the line
They storm the creese like bumble bees they travel like a burning flame
We see them slide the puck inside it's a one one hockey game
Chorus
3rd Period Last game of the playoffs too!
Oh take me where those hockey players face off down the rink
And the Stanley cup is all filled up for the champs who win the drink
Now the final flick of a hockey stick and one gigantic scream
The puck is in the home team wins the good old hockey game
Chorus
Heads up... He shoots he scores!
Here is a portion of the Chinese creation myth, taken from Dragons and Dynasties by Yuan Ke.
"Before the heavens and the earth were opened, the universe was all in darkness, a mass of confusion in the shape of a great egg. And there, in that egg, was the one called Pan Gu. He had been sleeping and growing in that egg for eighteen thousand years.
One day he opened his eyes. He looked all around and saw nothing but terrible darkness. He could hardly breathe! A rage began to grow within him. "Why am I, Pan Gu, in such darkness? Why am I in this egg?"
He flung out his hands in anger and his hands touched a big axe; no one knows where it came from. He grabbed the axe and began to swing it wildly from side to side through the mass of confusion. then suddenly "Crash!" the sound of a thousand thunders echoed through the universe. The great egg cracked open!"
Anyways, after another 18000 years Pan GU dies and from his body all the features of the earth sprang up. Kind of a neat story- I love how Pan GU gets so mad about being in that egg, and how lucky he was that there just happened to be an axe handy for him to go Gimli with.
I would invite your comments on this story, but the commenting system seems to be not workng lately. It is full of poo.
More from Dragons and Dynasties:
"When he died he changed into a terrifying ghost who wandered the earth afraid of nothing but red beans."
"Before the heavens and the earth were opened, the universe was all in darkness, a mass of confusion in the shape of a great egg. And there, in that egg, was the one called Pan Gu. He had been sleeping and growing in that egg for eighteen thousand years.
One day he opened his eyes. He looked all around and saw nothing but terrible darkness. He could hardly breathe! A rage began to grow within him. "Why am I, Pan Gu, in such darkness? Why am I in this egg?"
He flung out his hands in anger and his hands touched a big axe; no one knows where it came from. He grabbed the axe and began to swing it wildly from side to side through the mass of confusion. then suddenly "Crash!" the sound of a thousand thunders echoed through the universe. The great egg cracked open!"
Anyways, after another 18000 years Pan GU dies and from his body all the features of the earth sprang up. Kind of a neat story- I love how Pan GU gets so mad about being in that egg, and how lucky he was that there just happened to be an axe handy for him to go Gimli with.
I would invite your comments on this story, but the commenting system seems to be not workng lately. It is full of poo.
More from Dragons and Dynasties:
"When he died he changed into a terrifying ghost who wandered the earth afraid of nothing but red beans."
Friday, February 14, 2003
I got a nice little Valentine in the mail today- five smackeroonies! Almost as good as five smoocheroonies. A couple of weeks ago I stuck a five dollar bill in a change machine. The machine made some odd repeating whirring sounds that wouldn't have been out of place on a NIN song, and after a while the noises stopped, but no change did proceed forthwith from the dispenser. What the Poo? I said. I stared in Astonished Disbelief for a while, kicked the machine a couple of times, and finally accepted the fact that it had decided to keep my five bucks. So I called the company that owned the machine, and they said they would send someone right away. Which I took to mean that my five dollars was gone forever. But no! Today it came in the mail! Yay!
Thursday, February 13, 2003
Travel Buddies
I used to have this really cool Darth Maul figure that I brought with me everywhere I travelled- China twice, Alaska/Yukon and an aborted attempt to hitch-hike to Toronto (I only got as far as Winnipeg that time). Then this summer in New York I let Jonny Smelter hold him while we watched Epoosode II. Well, he never gave him back so I lost my Travel Buddy. That trip to Alaska I mentioned, though, was with my friend Olivier. We got it in our heads that it would be cool to go to Anchorage. Well, it wasn't, no offense to any Anchorageites out there. There just wasn't anything for us to do. So we ate at the Pizza Hut and turned around and went back (We did lots of cool camping stuff elsewhere though so don't worry). Olivier bought a Jar Jar Binks doll at the Hut, and so when we crossed back into Canada, the customs officer asked us if we had anything to declare, Olivier said, "Just Jar Jar." That was back in '98.
This last summer, when me and Alex went up there, I made sure to buy a Jar Jar figure as my travel buddy. So he got to cross the Chilkoot Pass with Alex and I, and Alex's little stuffed bunny, which was his Travel Buddy. See them here. Everyone needs a travel buddy. Even a Jar Jar. He should have been called Poo Poo Binks.
I used to have this really cool Darth Maul figure that I brought with me everywhere I travelled- China twice, Alaska/Yukon and an aborted attempt to hitch-hike to Toronto (I only got as far as Winnipeg that time). Then this summer in New York I let Jonny Smelter hold him while we watched Epoosode II. Well, he never gave him back so I lost my Travel Buddy. That trip to Alaska I mentioned, though, was with my friend Olivier. We got it in our heads that it would be cool to go to Anchorage. Well, it wasn't, no offense to any Anchorageites out there. There just wasn't anything for us to do. So we ate at the Pizza Hut and turned around and went back (We did lots of cool camping stuff elsewhere though so don't worry). Olivier bought a Jar Jar Binks doll at the Hut, and so when we crossed back into Canada, the customs officer asked us if we had anything to declare, Olivier said, "Just Jar Jar." That was back in '98.
This last summer, when me and Alex went up there, I made sure to buy a Jar Jar figure as my travel buddy. So he got to cross the Chilkoot Pass with Alex and I, and Alex's little stuffed bunny, which was his Travel Buddy. See them here. Everyone needs a travel buddy. Even a Jar Jar. He should have been called Poo Poo Binks.
The Siege of Stalingrad
Mike and I just watched Enemy at the Gate. Pretty good movie- I had never seen it. I give it 2 poos out of 5. A couple of years ago, I heard an older coworker in the ministry I worked for give his life story. He talked about being in the Battle of Stalingrad, and praying to God for protection. He went on to tell many other amazing stories of how God has been active in his life. It was quite inspiring. Walking home after the meeting with my room-mate, we were both pretty quiet, thinking over what we had heard. Finally I broke the silence. "So ole Fritz was a Nazi, eh? I never knew that. Crazy."
Mike and I just watched Enemy at the Gate. Pretty good movie- I had never seen it. I give it 2 poos out of 5. A couple of years ago, I heard an older coworker in the ministry I worked for give his life story. He talked about being in the Battle of Stalingrad, and praying to God for protection. He went on to tell many other amazing stories of how God has been active in his life. It was quite inspiring. Walking home after the meeting with my room-mate, we were both pretty quiet, thinking over what we had heard. Finally I broke the silence. "So ole Fritz was a Nazi, eh? I never knew that. Crazy."
Wednesday, February 12, 2003
Legolas the Mouse is pretty cool. I've held him a few times now- and he hasn't pooed on me so that's good. He mostly sleeps a lot, he must be nocturnal. I hope I keep good care of him- Lauren gave me all the instructions in a very fast sound bite last night. Now I have a mouse and a fish. My fishy is named Bruce cause he's tough like Bruce Lee and is a superhero like Bruce Wayne. He is also a Vicious Murdering Fish so he always eats the algae eaters I buy- even the Exo-Skeletoned Poocostumus types. And Bruce is just a little guy too- an African cichlid if you know anything about the genus Pisci. Already my room-mates have gotten the notion to feed Bruce to Legolas, or vice-versa. But Homie Bear is a Champion Defender of the Animals, so that will not happen.
Tuesday, February 11, 2003
Me = Sad
I helped Cory and Lauren pack all their stuff into a moving van today, so that tomorrow they can move away forever:( A terrible day. They are moving to Medicine Hat. More like Medicine Crap. No wait- more like Medicine Piece of Poo! Cory and I had some good times this last year- canoeing from Devon to Edmonton (a gruelling journey of many many millions of centimeters), going to M-T Town to watch gunslingers, and then his truck that he just bought stopped working for some reason on our return trip- we were just outside of Leduc and managed to limp into the city alright. We spent a hot summer afternoon pumping his antique bellows to try and do some blacksmithing, though all we accomplished was getting very very hot and sweaty. Then there was all the Two Towers goodness that I've already detailed. And lots of other things- Many Truly Memorable Times. Oh yeah and Lauren is really great too, it has only been a pleasure having her for a friend. Plus she is pregnant, so that's pretty exciting. Even if it means she can't come tobogannoganning.
But on the plus side they left me their little Mousey Mouse, Legolas. It is a well-known fact that bears and mice are good friends, so we should get along just fine. Lauren told me I have to watch out that he doesn't poo on me, though. When their other mouse Gimli died, me and Cory mourned his passing with a shot of rye at O'Byrne's. Damn I'm gonna miss him. Cory I mean, not Gimli. >sniff sniff< okay that's twice in one week. Double poo.
I helped Cory and Lauren pack all their stuff into a moving van today, so that tomorrow they can move away forever:( A terrible day. They are moving to Medicine Hat. More like Medicine Crap. No wait- more like Medicine Piece of Poo! Cory and I had some good times this last year- canoeing from Devon to Edmonton (a gruelling journey of many many millions of centimeters), going to M-T Town to watch gunslingers, and then his truck that he just bought stopped working for some reason on our return trip- we were just outside of Leduc and managed to limp into the city alright. We spent a hot summer afternoon pumping his antique bellows to try and do some blacksmithing, though all we accomplished was getting very very hot and sweaty. Then there was all the Two Towers goodness that I've already detailed. And lots of other things- Many Truly Memorable Times. Oh yeah and Lauren is really great too, it has only been a pleasure having her for a friend. Plus she is pregnant, so that's pretty exciting. Even if it means she can't come tobogannoganning.
But on the plus side they left me their little Mousey Mouse, Legolas. It is a well-known fact that bears and mice are good friends, so we should get along just fine. Lauren told me I have to watch out that he doesn't poo on me, though. When their other mouse Gimli died, me and Cory mourned his passing with a shot of rye at O'Byrne's. Damn I'm gonna miss him. Cory I mean, not Gimli. >sniff sniff< okay that's twice in one week. Double poo.
We're a Happy Family
But getting back to the Ramones tribute, which comes out today so don't ask me how I already know all this stuff it must be some crazy Psychic Poower I have- Extra sensory Pooception, or maybe just a good Poo2Poo app. Anyways, it's interesting when bands do a cover, how they choose to go about it. The Offspring do I Wanna Be Sedated so straight you could almost be fooled into thinking it's the original version. At first this didn't seem to make sense to me- why bother? But then I thought from the bands' point of view, maybe when they were a garage band they started off doing such covers, pretending (wishing) they were their heroes. So I guess that makes sense. But I really like the more out-there takes- Marilyn Manson's version of The KKK Took My Baby Away totally creates a whole new atmospheric, mournful vibe that is almost at odds with the Spirit of The Ramones, yet it is an amazing song. And I can't stop listening to Rob Zombie's heavified Blitzkrieg Bop.
But getting back to the Ramones tribute, which comes out today so don't ask me how I already know all this stuff it must be some crazy Psychic Poower I have- Extra sensory Pooception, or maybe just a good Poo2Poo app. Anyways, it's interesting when bands do a cover, how they choose to go about it. The Offspring do I Wanna Be Sedated so straight you could almost be fooled into thinking it's the original version. At first this didn't seem to make sense to me- why bother? But then I thought from the bands' point of view, maybe when they were a garage band they started off doing such covers, pretending (wishing) they were their heroes. So I guess that makes sense. But I really like the more out-there takes- Marilyn Manson's version of The KKK Took My Baby Away totally creates a whole new atmospheric, mournful vibe that is almost at odds with the Spirit of The Ramones, yet it is an amazing song. And I can't stop listening to Rob Zombie's heavified Blitzkrieg Bop.
In addition to bears, I also like Eagles a lot. I've seen quite a few eagles in the wild- once at the Queen Charlotte Islands I saw 8 of them circling a little lagoon, fishing. This last summer I saw a small family while I was kayaking on Lake Invermere in BC. One juvenile was just hanging out in a tree- his head has just started to go 'bald'. I sat and watched him for a while, and suddenly he swooped down towards me and dove into the water- but he was still new to the whole art of fishing cause he fell right in! Crazy eagle! After he struggled out again and went back to his tree, sans fish, I could have sworn he looked embarrassed.
And I saw a Mexican Eagle of some sort in Cancun- who just happened to take a poo while I was watching him. I seem to have a knack for spotting wild animals in their indignity. Maybe my fearsome Bear Apperance frightens them.
Growing up in the Rockies though, animals were never a big deal. On two different occasions we had to put bear traps in our backyard. Us bears are too smrt to fall for those, though. Anyways, one of my favorite "Wild Animal Sightings" occurred at the mine, where the largest herd of bighorn sheep outside of a national park lives, two mature rams with full horns on reared up and slammed horns directly outside our pit bus. It was loud and bone chips hit our windows. They get ornery during mating season and have been known to ram our buses.
And I saw a Mexican Eagle of some sort in Cancun- who just happened to take a poo while I was watching him. I seem to have a knack for spotting wild animals in their indignity. Maybe my fearsome Bear Apperance frightens them.
Growing up in the Rockies though, animals were never a big deal. On two different occasions we had to put bear traps in our backyard. Us bears are too smrt to fall for those, though. Anyways, one of my favorite "Wild Animal Sightings" occurred at the mine, where the largest herd of bighorn sheep outside of a national park lives, two mature rams with full horns on reared up and slammed horns directly outside our pit bus. It was loud and bone chips hit our windows. They get ornery during mating season and have been known to ram our buses.
Sunday, February 09, 2003
Mama Bear gave me a Poolar bear calendar today. It's nice. I love poolar bears. I saw one once, in Churchill, but it is hardly an inspiring story. Poor guy was fleeing in terror from the train I was on- I just happened to look out the window and see it. I spent four days in Churchill looking for more but I never saw more. Which is actually a very good thing cause I was just wandering around looking for them. All I had to protect myself was a bear banger. Well, it's not like I wanted to go pet one, just see one from a distance- I had my field glasses. But I did meet a little Arctic Fox who was quite friendly- he let me follow him for a while.
Did you know that I used to draw a bit? I am not an artist in any way, but when I was hitch-hiking I made a few sketches here and there. I can not draw anything from my head- I have to see it, and even then . . . but maybe I should dig up them old drawings of bears (Grizzly, Spirit and Poolar) I made and scan them and poost them in that photo album. Too bad I don't have a scanner.
And di you know what Homie Bear truly is? Now you do.
Did you know that I used to draw a bit? I am not an artist in any way, but when I was hitch-hiking I made a few sketches here and there. I can not draw anything from my head- I have to see it, and even then . . . but maybe I should dig up them old drawings of bears (Grizzly, Spirit and Poolar) I made and scan them and poost them in that photo album. Too bad I don't have a scanner.
And di you know what Homie Bear truly is? Now you do.
Wow are the roads bad today. Pure sludge everywhere- my poor little Civic is too low-slung for this kind of snow, which the Inuit, with their 87 words for snow, call PooSnow. And of course today would be a day when I have to do a lot of driving. Oh well. The Gathering went well- we had a really good guest band called Liquesce, just some kids but they were very cool- kind of mellow-with-a-slight-edge, even poossibly somewhat reminiscent of Beach Boys, but I mean that in a good way- they definitely had no bad songs about Kokomo or something stupid like that. Speaking turned out okay too- I resisted the urge to say Poo at any point in my part, though I was gratified when Poo was mentioned during Liquesce's set.
I went over to Cory and Lauren's after to watch Klondike Quest for Gold. We missed the first fifteen minutes, but it was cool, a lot of good shots of the Chilkoot Pass itself- the Golden Staircase.
I went over to Cory and Lauren's after to watch Klondike Quest for Gold. We missed the first fifteen minutes, but it was cool, a lot of good shots of the Chilkoot Pass itself- the Golden Staircase.
R.A.M.O.N.E.S. by Lemmy Kilmister
New York City, N.Y.C.,
Pretty mean when it wants to be,
Black leather, knee-hole pants,
Can't play no high school dance
Fuzz tone, hear 'em go, hear 'em on the radio,
Chorus : Misfits, twilight zone,
R-A-M-O-N-E-S, R-A-M-O-N-E-S
RAMONES!
Bad boy rock, bad boy roll,
Gabba gabba, see them go,
C. Jay now hit the gas,
Hear Marky kick some ass,
Go Johnny, go, go, go, go Tommy o-way-o,
(Chorus)
Bad boys then, bad boys now,
Good buddies, mau, mau, mau,
Keep it up, rock 'n' roll, good music save your soul,
Dee Dee, he left home,
Joey call me on the phone.
(Chorus)
The whole thing lasts about a minute and a half. As it should be. >sniff sniff< well I gotta go cry now. Poo.
New York City, N.Y.C.,
Pretty mean when it wants to be,
Black leather, knee-hole pants,
Can't play no high school dance
Fuzz tone, hear 'em go, hear 'em on the radio,
Chorus : Misfits, twilight zone,
R-A-M-O-N-E-S, R-A-M-O-N-E-S
RAMONES!
Bad boy rock, bad boy roll,
Gabba gabba, see them go,
C. Jay now hit the gas,
Hear Marky kick some ass,
Go Johnny, go, go, go, go Tommy o-way-o,
(Chorus)
Bad boys then, bad boys now,
Good buddies, mau, mau, mau,
Keep it up, rock 'n' roll, good music save your soul,
Dee Dee, he left home,
Joey call me on the phone.
(Chorus)
The whole thing lasts about a minute and a half. As it should be. >sniff sniff< well I gotta go cry now. Poo.
Saturday, February 08, 2003
Hey Ho Let's Go . . . play football in the snow!
I'm getting old and fat, man. Well, maybe fat is too strong a word by about 30 lbs, and 28 hardly qualifies as old, but today as we ran and played in foot deep snow I felt like it. But it was SOOOO fun. Maybe I got a little more winded than I did ten years ago, but tackling and being tackled is one of life's greatest pleasures, don't you agree? The football got wet and frozen and about as aerodynamic as a frozen piece of poo, but no one was keeping track of QB rating today. And the man whose bachelorhood we were celebrating (mourning?) was the best player. He moved out today. No more Matty. Oh well. I will mainly miss him for the guitar picks he constantly supplied me with.
DId you forget about the Ramones tribute album like I did? Luckily Fish over at the Sun reminded me and the rest of Edmonton via his review well I was gonna link to it but it looks like it was only in the print edition. Too bad for you- I guess you'll just have to go buy it (uh, like I will, when it comes out on Tuesday . . . ) Metallica does 53rd and 3rd quite well, Tom Waits is Tom Waits (a good thing), the Chillis are great and it's good to have Marilyn Manson back but I have to say my favorite track so far is Rob Zombie's take on Blitzkrieg Bop. Perfect Snow Football music. (Coincidentally, Mr. Zombie's previous band White Zombie also contributed the best track to Nativity in Black- the tribute to Black Sabbath with Children of the Grave). Anyways, I give this album 2 Poos out of five- only because tribute albums are never as good as the orginal, at least when the Ramones are concerned. The best tribute to the Ramones is still R.A.M.O.N.E.S. by Motorhead. You can find that gem on the amazing 1916 (that's what it's called, not when it came out) album by that band, one of my favorites of grade 11.
And an already poofect weekend was rendered transcendant when Morna came over and we watched a certain Fantastic Movie of Greatness, whose name I dare not utter here.
I'm getting old and fat, man. Well, maybe fat is too strong a word by about 30 lbs, and 28 hardly qualifies as old, but today as we ran and played in foot deep snow I felt like it. But it was SOOOO fun. Maybe I got a little more winded than I did ten years ago, but tackling and being tackled is one of life's greatest pleasures, don't you agree? The football got wet and frozen and about as aerodynamic as a frozen piece of poo, but no one was keeping track of QB rating today. And the man whose bachelorhood we were celebrating (mourning?) was the best player. He moved out today. No more Matty. Oh well. I will mainly miss him for the guitar picks he constantly supplied me with.
DId you forget about the Ramones tribute album like I did? Luckily Fish over at the Sun reminded me and the rest of Edmonton via his review well I was gonna link to it but it looks like it was only in the print edition. Too bad for you- I guess you'll just have to go buy it (uh, like I will, when it comes out on Tuesday . . . ) Metallica does 53rd and 3rd quite well, Tom Waits is Tom Waits (a good thing), the Chillis are great and it's good to have Marilyn Manson back but I have to say my favorite track so far is Rob Zombie's take on Blitzkrieg Bop. Perfect Snow Football music. (Coincidentally, Mr. Zombie's previous band White Zombie also contributed the best track to Nativity in Black- the tribute to Black Sabbath with Children of the Grave). Anyways, I give this album 2 Poos out of five- only because tribute albums are never as good as the orginal, at least when the Ramones are concerned. The best tribute to the Ramones is still R.A.M.O.N.E.S. by Motorhead. You can find that gem on the amazing 1916 (that's what it's called, not when it came out) album by that band, one of my favorites of grade 11.
And an already poofect weekend was rendered transcendant when Morna came over and we watched a certain Fantastic Movie of Greatness, whose name I dare not utter here.
I'm speaking at the Gathering tomorrow night- our last Team Messenger outing. So I was trying to come up with stuff to say yesterday, and instead I came up with this:
Introducing Homiemark Cards!!! A new Business Venture. Greeting Cards Straight Outta Da Woods. Here is a sample:
Thinking of You
The other day I was thinking of You
But don't get too excited-
I was taking a poo.
Introducing Homiemark Cards!!! A new Business Venture. Greeting Cards Straight Outta Da Woods. Here is a sample:
Thinking of You
The other day I was thinking of You
But don't get too excited-
I was taking a poo.
Tobogonogonning
I thought I would be really sore this morning, but so far I can still walk- yay! Last night I went tobogganing and it was so much fun, and also very painful. Someone brought a Jumbo Sized Crazy Carpet, which could comfortably seat 15, and uncomfortably 20. Connors Hill was nicely polished to a Slick Icy Sheen, so we achieved speeds upwards of Warp Factor Poo. And there were numerous Collisions and Wipeouts and such as is normally associated with this Sport of Kings.
And today is Matty's Bachelor Party (He getting married next Saturday) where we will play Snow Football! I probably won't be able to get out of bed tomorrow morning, but it will be worth it. If I was 20 years younger this would be like the Best Weekend Ever. Heck, it is anyways.
I thought I would be really sore this morning, but so far I can still walk- yay! Last night I went tobogganing and it was so much fun, and also very painful. Someone brought a Jumbo Sized Crazy Carpet, which could comfortably seat 15, and uncomfortably 20. Connors Hill was nicely polished to a Slick Icy Sheen, so we achieved speeds upwards of Warp Factor Poo. And there were numerous Collisions and Wipeouts and such as is normally associated with this Sport of Kings.
And today is Matty's Bachelor Party (He getting married next Saturday) where we will play Snow Football! I probably won't be able to get out of bed tomorrow morning, but it will be worth it. If I was 20 years younger this would be like the Best Weekend Ever. Heck, it is anyways.
Thursday, February 06, 2003
How many bears does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Poo! (This is a good riddle because it defies standard conventions of lightbulb jokes, and it is about Poo)
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Bearp
Bearp who?
haha you said bear poo
By the way, Gotthammer Mike correctly guessed my LOTR alter ego from one of last week's poosts- I would be Beorn, of course. Mike is thus elevated to Poo Bear status. The Pooet Laureate suggested I write a LOTR pooem. This is a fine idea in principle, but I find I lack just the right inspiration. Anyone else up for the challenge? Okay here is an attempt anyways:
Orc was walking in the woods and met a bear named Homie
Orc said I have a problem and the bear said to him show me
Orc said my problem is I'm hungry and have nothing to eat
But I would love to sink my teeth into some sweet sweet bear meat
And Orc took his sword and swung at the poor Ursis
But Homie was too fast and Orc was yelling curses
And now Homie Bear grabbed Old Orc in his mighty jaws
And ripped him in two with his front left and back right paws
A few days later Homie went over to his non-Ent tree Loo
And there you will find Orc in his new form as a piece of Poo!
Poo! (This is a good riddle because it defies standard conventions of lightbulb jokes, and it is about Poo)
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Bearp
Bearp who?
haha you said bear poo
By the way, Gotthammer Mike correctly guessed my LOTR alter ego from one of last week's poosts- I would be Beorn, of course. Mike is thus elevated to Poo Bear status. The Pooet Laureate suggested I write a LOTR pooem. This is a fine idea in principle, but I find I lack just the right inspiration. Anyone else up for the challenge? Okay here is an attempt anyways:
Orc was walking in the woods and met a bear named Homie
Orc said I have a problem and the bear said to him show me
Orc said my problem is I'm hungry and have nothing to eat
But I would love to sink my teeth into some sweet sweet bear meat
And Orc took his sword and swung at the poor Ursis
But Homie was too fast and Orc was yelling curses
And now Homie Bear grabbed Old Orc in his mighty jaws
And ripped him in two with his front left and back right paws
A few days later Homie went over to his non-Ent tree Loo
And there you will find Orc in his new form as a piece of Poo!
The Writing on the Pit Wall
There's a part in The Diamond Age where Dinosaur is telling a story about the last remaining dinosaurs on Earth, and he talks about how the last Duck-bill, Everett, finally realizes he is the only one of his kind left, and will soon be eaten by the carnivores: "At the very end, I think Everett may have put two and two together; I saw him blink in surprise once, as if the light had finally gone on in his head, and the rest of that day he was very quiet." I mention this because today I had lunch with my Dad who brought me the latest news from the mine. PQ pit, where I spent the majority of my most recent mining career (PQ stands for Poo Quotient, I guess we were actually mining poo), is now finished, and all remaining shovels and trucks are in A6, the last pit to be mined at CRC. Dad said when the guys saw all the equipment there they finally seemed to realize that this could be it for good ole Cardinal River. Unless we get Cheviot, we will go the way of the dinosaurs. I of course have already gone extinct.
And in other news, I went over to Cory and Lauren's to watch Klondike Quest for Gold and it was really good. Alex and Erica left good comments that were then eaten by halsocan, but I agree with both of you- it was good to see the trail again. And the bear was cool- I think he's from my 'hood.
There's a part in The Diamond Age where Dinosaur is telling a story about the last remaining dinosaurs on Earth, and he talks about how the last Duck-bill, Everett, finally realizes he is the only one of his kind left, and will soon be eaten by the carnivores: "At the very end, I think Everett may have put two and two together; I saw him blink in surprise once, as if the light had finally gone on in his head, and the rest of that day he was very quiet." I mention this because today I had lunch with my Dad who brought me the latest news from the mine. PQ pit, where I spent the majority of my most recent mining career (PQ stands for Poo Quotient, I guess we were actually mining poo), is now finished, and all remaining shovels and trucks are in A6, the last pit to be mined at CRC. Dad said when the guys saw all the equipment there they finally seemed to realize that this could be it for good ole Cardinal River. Unless we get Cheviot, we will go the way of the dinosaurs. I of course have already gone extinct.
And in other news, I went over to Cory and Lauren's to watch Klondike Quest for Gold and it was really good. Alex and Erica left good comments that were then eaten by halsocan, but I agree with both of you- it was good to see the trail again. And the bear was cool- I think he's from my 'hood.
Tuesday, February 04, 2003
Lama Karma Tsundulp Lodro
I went and listened to a lama today, he was talking about chakras, a subject I have developed a mild interest in after Gotthammer Mike gave me a book called Travels by Michael Crichton. This lama is in actuality named Jeff Alvin Olson and lives in Whitehorse. It was interesting, though maybe a bit over my head, since most everyone else not only knew all about them already but some could even see them and such. Anyways, one good thing that came out it is I decided if I had a lama name it would be Lama Homie Tenzing Poodro.
When I was in Tibet, my friend Deanna was talking to some Tibetan girls about her desire to ride a yak. Being sophisticated city folk, the girls couldn't fathom why she could possibly want to get near one of these stinky foul beasts. Deanna explained that she had been all over the world and had ridden such animals as water buffalo, pigs, horse, llamas and elephants. The girls were horrified and told her, "Lamas must be respected at all times! They are not for riding!"
On a completely different topic, today's Gateway had this article on hitch-hiking , written by a female (only significant cause female hitch-hikers are rare) writer from Montreal who hitched to Halifax last year. It was pretty good, but I couldn't help but roll my eyes when she talked about getting antsy after waiting "over an hour" for a ride. Oh well, at least she had the guts to try it. Oh yeah, and her rules of hitch-hiking- well, I followed number 6, but that's about it, though I certainly tried to follow #2.
One time I saw a bear crossing the highway by where I was thumbin'. Luckily for me he just went straight into the woods and paid me no mind. Probably he had to go poo.
And, because it doesn't quite deserve its own poost, I will tack on this addendum: William Gibson has a new book, and he has a new blog. I read Neuromancer for a class once, and though I recognize it for the influential work it was, I didn't really get into it much. But I do remember how the main guy was on the lam for stealing "two megabytes of hot RAM!"
I went and listened to a lama today, he was talking about chakras, a subject I have developed a mild interest in after Gotthammer Mike gave me a book called Travels by Michael Crichton. This lama is in actuality named Jeff Alvin Olson and lives in Whitehorse. It was interesting, though maybe a bit over my head, since most everyone else not only knew all about them already but some could even see them and such. Anyways, one good thing that came out it is I decided if I had a lama name it would be Lama Homie Tenzing Poodro.
When I was in Tibet, my friend Deanna was talking to some Tibetan girls about her desire to ride a yak. Being sophisticated city folk, the girls couldn't fathom why she could possibly want to get near one of these stinky foul beasts. Deanna explained that she had been all over the world and had ridden such animals as water buffalo, pigs, horse, llamas and elephants. The girls were horrified and told her, "Lamas must be respected at all times! They are not for riding!"
On a completely different topic, today's Gateway had this article on hitch-hiking , written by a female (only significant cause female hitch-hikers are rare) writer from Montreal who hitched to Halifax last year. It was pretty good, but I couldn't help but roll my eyes when she talked about getting antsy after waiting "over an hour" for a ride. Oh well, at least she had the guts to try it. Oh yeah, and her rules of hitch-hiking- well, I followed number 6, but that's about it, though I certainly tried to follow #2.
One time I saw a bear crossing the highway by where I was thumbin'. Luckily for me he just went straight into the woods and paid me no mind. Probably he had to go poo.
And, because it doesn't quite deserve its own poost, I will tack on this addendum: William Gibson has a new book, and he has a new blog. I read Neuromancer for a class once, and though I recognize it for the influential work it was, I didn't really get into it much. But I do remember how the main guy was on the lam for stealing "two megabytes of hot RAM!"
Sunday, February 02, 2003
Aragon Son of Alfred . . . or is it Haratron?
As many of you know, I have spent a couple of summers in China, and am a big fan of the Chinglish or Engrish mangledypoos that often arise when well-meaning-but-unilingual Asians do their best to provide English translations of bootleg products. For example, I picked up a copy of Star Wars EpisodeL, as well as a notebook that Anita gave me that says the following: When you are not around? I get that post-party depression. It is sort of a boogie-on-downer.
But this takes the cake. It is the Two Towers with Engrish subtitles, thought it is not exactly clear why an Asian bootleg would need them. Thanks to Miss Desolation Angel for orignially poosting this on her blog.
As many of you know, I have spent a couple of summers in China, and am a big fan of the Chinglish or Engrish mangledypoos that often arise when well-meaning-but-unilingual Asians do their best to provide English translations of bootleg products. For example, I picked up a copy of Star Wars EpisodeL, as well as a notebook that Anita gave me that says the following: When you are not around? I get that post-party depression. It is sort of a boogie-on-downer.
But this takes the cake. It is the Two Towers with Engrish subtitles, thought it is not exactly clear why an Asian bootleg would need them. Thanks to Miss Desolation Angel for orignially poosting this on her blog.
A reminder to Alex, Dave, Clint and Erica: Watch or record Quest for the Yukon tonight on HIstory Channel. For the rest of you, this is a reenactment of the Historic klondike Gold Rush, and we met the participants while hiking the Chilkoot Trail this summer. Tune in and see these old-timers do everything the old-fashioned way- from eating to pooing, crossing the Golden Stairs tobuilding a boat. Oh yeah, I do not have History Channel so please record it for me. Thanks.
Saturday, February 01, 2003
Seven Devil Fix at the Mudhut
These are some of the heaviest moments in my musical history: Master of Poopets, at the culmination of the melodic bridge when it gets heavy again, Nomad by Sepooltura (and many other deserving songs of theirs too- Inner Self, Roots, Cut Throat and Dead Embryonic Cells come to mind), the part in Stinkfist where it builds up from the solo and Maynard says I'll keep digging, War Ensemble by Slayer, the incredible bagpipe intro to KoRn's My Gift to You, and now . . . Seven Devil Fix's merry Christmas carol-inspired Midnight Clear. I got to see them perform that song tonight, and many other killer tunes, and it was Pootastic! The boys had a lot of energy tonight and it was great to see the crowd respond so enthusiastically to what to most of them would have been a completely unknown band. They played mainly original tunes, but also some notable covers including Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love and Stone Tempoo Pilots' Plush. They finished the evening off with a rousing rendition of Tent Meeting, surely one of the funnest Gospel songs ever written.
And earlier tonight I joined the Chinese Students Society and celebrated the New Year with them for a bit. I think the correct pinyin for Happy New Year is this: Cien nian quaile but again I might be wrong about that. Oh yeah Sherry picked me up and her 19 year old neighbour was drivng her car, and we were listening to the Bear when Warning by Green Day came on- a great song so I sang along. Sherry's young neighbour was impressed, and asked "You know Green Day?"
"I am familiar with their work, yes."
Sherry said, "Who's Green Day?"
And the kid said, "They started the whole punk thing."
Well, I didn't let him get away with that.
Which reminds me of when I was in New York. Dee Dee Ramone had just passed away the day I arrived, so me and Jonny Smelter went to CBGB's to pay our respects (And ugh, Shania is photographed inside that Venerable Establishment in this weeks Rolling Stone, for an artivcle which also links her inexorably to Edmonton). Outside there was a little shrine dedicated to Dee Dee, and we paused for a moment of silence. Then a drunk fratboy comes outside and sees the shrine, and Solemnly Proclaims, "Oh yeah, the bassist from Weezer."
These are some of the heaviest moments in my musical history: Master of Poopets, at the culmination of the melodic bridge when it gets heavy again, Nomad by Sepooltura (and many other deserving songs of theirs too- Inner Self, Roots, Cut Throat and Dead Embryonic Cells come to mind), the part in Stinkfist where it builds up from the solo and Maynard says I'll keep digging, War Ensemble by Slayer, the incredible bagpipe intro to KoRn's My Gift to You, and now . . . Seven Devil Fix's merry Christmas carol-inspired Midnight Clear. I got to see them perform that song tonight, and many other killer tunes, and it was Pootastic! The boys had a lot of energy tonight and it was great to see the crowd respond so enthusiastically to what to most of them would have been a completely unknown band. They played mainly original tunes, but also some notable covers including Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love and Stone Tempoo Pilots' Plush. They finished the evening off with a rousing rendition of Tent Meeting, surely one of the funnest Gospel songs ever written.
And earlier tonight I joined the Chinese Students Society and celebrated the New Year with them for a bit. I think the correct pinyin for Happy New Year is this: Cien nian quaile but again I might be wrong about that. Oh yeah Sherry picked me up and her 19 year old neighbour was drivng her car, and we were listening to the Bear when Warning by Green Day came on- a great song so I sang along. Sherry's young neighbour was impressed, and asked "You know Green Day?"
"I am familiar with their work, yes."
Sherry said, "Who's Green Day?"
And the kid said, "They started the whole punk thing."
Well, I didn't let him get away with that.
Which reminds me of when I was in New York. Dee Dee Ramone had just passed away the day I arrived, so me and Jonny Smelter went to CBGB's to pay our respects (And ugh, Shania is photographed inside that Venerable Establishment in this weeks Rolling Stone, for an artivcle which also links her inexorably to Edmonton). Outside there was a little shrine dedicated to Dee Dee, and we paused for a moment of silence. Then a drunk fratboy comes outside and sees the shrine, and Solemnly Proclaims, "Oh yeah, the bassist from Weezer."
So what are you doing tonight? The correct answer is: going to the Seven Devil Fix show at the Mudhut. It's only the Pooey All-Star game on HNIC, so you have no excuse not to go. Unless you live in Costa Rica or Mexico or anywhere but here in Edmonton. Look at me- I have my car jacked up right now and my tire is in my mudroom, and I'll be there (uh, Scottie, if you're reading this, can I catch a lift? I'll call you). But even before that I am going to party with the Mainland Chinese for Happy New Year's Goodness.
I'm in a poosting mood today- you might say I have the runs. First off, Happy Chinese New Year! Anita once taught me how to say it in Chinese, but I forget. Here is my almost-certainly wrong guess: qing nin de kwaile! Please correct me if you happen to know mandarin. In honor of China, I will give you this quote from The Diamond Age:
"Who is the scary man?" Nell said, pointing to the big painting.
"Guan Di. Emperor Guan. Formerly a soldier named Guan Yu. He was never really an emperor, but later on he became the Chinese god of war, and they gave him the title just to be respectful. Terribly respectful, the Chinese- it's their best and worst feature."
"How could a man become a god?" Nell asked.
"By living in an extremely pragmatic society," said Constable Moore after some thought, and provided no further explanation.
I think he meant Empooror, I guess those were typoos or something.
"Who is the scary man?" Nell said, pointing to the big painting.
"Guan Di. Emperor Guan. Formerly a soldier named Guan Yu. He was never really an emperor, but later on he became the Chinese god of war, and they gave him the title just to be respectful. Terribly respectful, the Chinese- it's their best and worst feature."
"How could a man become a god?" Nell asked.
"By living in an extremely pragmatic society," said Constable Moore after some thought, and provided no further explanation.
I think he meant Empooror, I guess those were typoos or something.
Our Pooet Laureate has been busy, but this is part of her job after all.
'Twas bright and clear that early summer's day in Camelot
Maidens danced, masters rode, and children frolicked merry
But the day was not so sunny for a few unlucky sot
The pootent brew imbibed til dawn invoked a visit from Poo Fairy
Poo Fairy's visits aren't benign as the good reader surely knows
She strikes with fury and imparts the illest will to luckless folk
And our five lads had e'en more reason to be filled with deepest woes
Modern plumbing wasn't yet a dream and all the hay'd gone up in smoke
For these were servant boys who lived in stables with the horses
Chamber pots were a luxury afforded only to the rich
The brew had been bought cheap from most unsavoury of sources
But the boys gambled - summer's advent had instilled them with the itch
The eve was filled with laughter, tales of debauch and glee
A few sly wenches had come in dead of night to join the fun
Music lilted from the pipes and couples danced so merrily
None suspected that Poo Fairy would sneak in when they were done
Disaster struck as common happens on these nights of careless mirth
Two brawny lads who'd tipped too many ales commenced to wrangle
And lo the season's hay stored in the stable sudden was in dearth
From a candlestick knocked o'er during this torpid twosome's tangle
So thus we find our laddies in their grim state of come to pass
A predicament beyond that situation as we know it
As they had more than the discomfort and the painful, burning ass
But a huge surfeit of poo with nowhere private they could stow it
The youngest of the five was quite admittedly the brightest
The others looked to him for a solution to their plight
Alas, Poo Fairy had her evil grip on him the tightest
And doubled over groaning he gave up without a fight
The noxious stench was mounting and the mess was ever growing
The lads knew they had to hide the proof of misbehaviour
They could but watch in horror as evidence continued flowing
It seemed their only hope was intervention from the Saviour
Then one sick and weary lad heard the grunting of a hog
And an idea thus presented for a loo
If those swine would condescend to eat the leavings of a dog
They surely wouldn't mind a little poo!
Our heroes learned their lesson well that morning spent among the pigs
And ne'ermore revisited that night's most bitter folly
They found an honest brewer, who disdained the use of figs
To avoid Poo Fairy's wrath when next they wanted to get jolly.
Wow. It reminded me of Chaucer. Or maybe Beowulf- the Poo Fairy=Grendel
'Twas bright and clear that early summer's day in Camelot
Maidens danced, masters rode, and children frolicked merry
But the day was not so sunny for a few unlucky sot
The pootent brew imbibed til dawn invoked a visit from Poo Fairy
Poo Fairy's visits aren't benign as the good reader surely knows
She strikes with fury and imparts the illest will to luckless folk
And our five lads had e'en more reason to be filled with deepest woes
Modern plumbing wasn't yet a dream and all the hay'd gone up in smoke
For these were servant boys who lived in stables with the horses
Chamber pots were a luxury afforded only to the rich
The brew had been bought cheap from most unsavoury of sources
But the boys gambled - summer's advent had instilled them with the itch
The eve was filled with laughter, tales of debauch and glee
A few sly wenches had come in dead of night to join the fun
Music lilted from the pipes and couples danced so merrily
None suspected that Poo Fairy would sneak in when they were done
Disaster struck as common happens on these nights of careless mirth
Two brawny lads who'd tipped too many ales commenced to wrangle
And lo the season's hay stored in the stable sudden was in dearth
From a candlestick knocked o'er during this torpid twosome's tangle
So thus we find our laddies in their grim state of come to pass
A predicament beyond that situation as we know it
As they had more than the discomfort and the painful, burning ass
But a huge surfeit of poo with nowhere private they could stow it
The youngest of the five was quite admittedly the brightest
The others looked to him for a solution to their plight
Alas, Poo Fairy had her evil grip on him the tightest
And doubled over groaning he gave up without a fight
The noxious stench was mounting and the mess was ever growing
The lads knew they had to hide the proof of misbehaviour
They could but watch in horror as evidence continued flowing
It seemed their only hope was intervention from the Saviour
Then one sick and weary lad heard the grunting of a hog
And an idea thus presented for a loo
If those swine would condescend to eat the leavings of a dog
They surely wouldn't mind a little poo!
Our heroes learned their lesson well that morning spent among the pigs
And ne'ermore revisited that night's most bitter folly
They found an honest brewer, who disdained the use of figs
To avoid Poo Fairy's wrath when next they wanted to get jolly.
Wow. It reminded me of Chaucer. Or maybe Beowulf- the Poo Fairy=Grendel
Monster Jam Yumyum
Went to the Monster Truck Jam tonight- what great fun. The last time I went to a Monster Truck Jam, I got to take a World- Renowned Philosopher out for supper the next night, so I regaled him with Tales of the Monsters. He was fascinated, not having had an oppoortunity in the past to attend such a Prestigious Event. Then I asked him the following Philosophical Question (knowing that he was about to do a big debate, I figured he needed to get warmed up) : Would you rather fart in public, or pee your pants in private? This question had recently come up at pooker, so I was getting everyone's answers. Of course, nowadays I would say poo your pants in private. A surprising number of people chose to pee their pants in private. Steve chose pee his pants in public.
Anyways, this is from the Gateway, the U of A's student newspaper. I read it today and almost pooed my pants (in public-don't worry I wasn't really going to) from laughing.
Dave Alexander's Top Ten Signs your History prof sucks
10. The mere mention of Turkey causes him to grab the nearest person’s lapels and scream, “Istanbul, not Constantinople,” followed by “and it’s nobody’s business but the Turks... so fuck off!”
9. Habitually wears authentic Civil War army uniform, even when not lecturing about the Civil War.
8. In addition to lecturing about the bronze age, he talks about “the metal years.”
7. He claims the country of Chad used to be called Kevin, but refuses to say why.
6. Complains constantly about how That ’70s Show “gets it wrong, maaan.”
5. Citing extensive medieval records and slides of cave paintings, he painstakingly “proves” the impossibility of Queens of the Stone Age.
4. He swears the Second World War was actually started by a pie-fight gone horribly wrong.
3. The choice topics for your midterm paper are Back to the Future 3, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and Timecop.
2. Earned his doctorate by proving beyond a reasonable doubt that Rome was, in fact, not built in a day.
1. He confuses Joan of Arc with Joan of Jett.
Went to the Monster Truck Jam tonight- what great fun. The last time I went to a Monster Truck Jam, I got to take a World- Renowned Philosopher out for supper the next night, so I regaled him with Tales of the Monsters. He was fascinated, not having had an oppoortunity in the past to attend such a Prestigious Event. Then I asked him the following Philosophical Question (knowing that he was about to do a big debate, I figured he needed to get warmed up) : Would you rather fart in public, or pee your pants in private? This question had recently come up at pooker, so I was getting everyone's answers. Of course, nowadays I would say poo your pants in private. A surprising number of people chose to pee their pants in private. Steve chose pee his pants in public.
Anyways, this is from the Gateway, the U of A's student newspaper. I read it today and almost pooed my pants (in public-don't worry I wasn't really going to) from laughing.
Dave Alexander's Top Ten Signs your History prof sucks
10. The mere mention of Turkey causes him to grab the nearest person’s lapels and scream, “Istanbul, not Constantinople,” followed by “and it’s nobody’s business but the Turks... so fuck off!”
9. Habitually wears authentic Civil War army uniform, even when not lecturing about the Civil War.
8. In addition to lecturing about the bronze age, he talks about “the metal years.”
7. He claims the country of Chad used to be called Kevin, but refuses to say why.
6. Complains constantly about how That ’70s Show “gets it wrong, maaan.”
5. Citing extensive medieval records and slides of cave paintings, he painstakingly “proves” the impossibility of Queens of the Stone Age.
4. He swears the Second World War was actually started by a pie-fight gone horribly wrong.
3. The choice topics for your midterm paper are Back to the Future 3, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and Timecop.
2. Earned his doctorate by proving beyond a reasonable doubt that Rome was, in fact, not built in a day.
1. He confuses Joan of Arc with Joan of Jett.
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