Monster Jam Yumyum
Went to the Monster Truck Jam tonight- what great fun. The last time I went to a Monster Truck Jam, I got to take a World- Renowned Philosopher out for supper the next night, so I regaled him with Tales of the Monsters. He was fascinated, not having had an oppoortunity in the past to attend such a Prestigious Event. Then I asked him the following Philosophical Question (knowing that he was about to do a big debate, I figured he needed to get warmed up) : Would you rather fart in public, or pee your pants in private? This question had recently come up at pooker, so I was getting everyone's answers. Of course, nowadays I would say poo your pants in private. A surprising number of people chose to pee their pants in private. Steve chose pee his pants in public.

Anyways, this is from the Gateway, the U of A's student newspaper. I read it today and almost pooed my pants (in public-don't worry I wasn't really going to) from laughing.

Dave Alexander's Top Ten Signs your History prof sucks

10. The mere mention of Turkey causes him to grab the nearest person’s lapels and scream, “Istanbul, not Constantinople,” followed by “and it’s nobody’s business but the Turks... so fuck off!”
9. Habitually wears authentic Civil War army uniform, even when not lecturing about the Civil War.
8. In addition to lecturing about the bronze age, he talks about “the metal years.”
7. He claims the country of Chad used to be called Kevin, but refuses to say why.
6. Complains constantly about how That ’70s Show “gets it wrong, maaan.”
5. Citing extensive medieval records and slides of cave paintings, he painstakingly “proves” the impossibility of Queens of the Stone Age.
4. He swears the Second World War was actually started by a pie-fight gone horribly wrong.
3. The choice topics for your midterm paper are Back to the Future 3, Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and Timecop.
2. Earned his doctorate by proving beyond a reasonable doubt that Rome was, in fact, not built in a day.
1. He confuses Joan of Arc with Joan of Jett.