A Message from the Vampire Nomad, gabrielle

I'm back in the Woods again as a guest pooster. This time I am not here to rant but simply to let you know that Homie has been called away on some vital bear business. He will be out of town for a few days and wondered if I would be so kind as to poost as much here so you don't think he's ignoring you. He never would.

If you find yourself at odds during Homie's absence, drifting without the usual bear pearls of wisdom to enrich your day, please visit any of the other sites Homie has linked to or swing by the crypt and rattle around in my twilight for awhile.

~ gabrielle

So I am speaking twice this weekend. Tomorrow night for some university students at a formal banquet- I get to dress up! Yay! I'm going to wear a black suit, black shirt and I have my nails painted black. Not very festive, but very me. And then on Sunday evening at the G. For tomorrow I was asked to speak on 'Christmas Around the World.' And then Sunday is First Sunday of Advent. I think this is the third First Advent in a row I have preached at the Gathering. I'm running out of things to say! But I have just enough left for Sunday, I hope.
Actually I was also asked to speak Sunday at Lister Hall but I was committed already. It's nice to be in demand. It never rains but it poos. Or however that goes.

So yeah, The Haunted Mansion was bad. Oh well. Pirates DVD will be here on Tuesday to salve the pain away. And look- it even features commentary by Johnny!
In other Johnny Depp news, we watched Edward Scissorhands tonight. Can you believe I have never seen it before? I can't really account for this oversight- I always intended to see it, since Tim Burton was one of the first directors I was aware of when I was younger, aside from Lucas and Spielberg, and like most in my age group, Batman was one of my favorite movies. I even liked Batman Returns. But 13 years of oversight has been rectified tonight. Good movie. Hard to believe that's Johnny. Gabrielle does it more justice than I can, so go read her words. And bite her! Biting in the crypt is the same as leaving a dropping here, which of course you are always welcome, nay, encouraged, to do.

I'm sorry to interrupt your regularly scheduled walk in the Woods, but this is important news. It's gabrielle here: I've booted Homie for this one post (or *shudders* POOST) because I have something to rant about and I refuse to sully the crypt with the subject matter. Additionally, these Woods contain poo. Which can be translated into 'shit'. Which is exactly what I have to dump here so it's only fitting that I abandon the crypt and borrow the Woods for this tirade. Please pay attention. It's in your best interest to do so.

Do not watch 'Haunted Mansion'.

Don't do it. Don't fall victim to the seductive Pirates siren song. 'Pirates of the Caribbean' was a wonderful movie. I know this. I watched in awe. I was THERE! But Pirates had a few key things that 'Haunted Mansion' doesn't. Plot. Johnny Depp. Orlando Bloom. Wit. A director without a split personality. Don't say to yourself "You know, Pirates was a damn fine movie. Disney's on a real roll these days. I'm definitely going to see 'Haunted Mansion' when it comes out." Disney's not on a roll! Remember the ride that started the whole movie-from-ride madness? ANYBODY? Bear Country Jamboree. Oh yes, those loveable stop-motion backwoods bears became 'The Country Bear Movie'. Why can't you remember it? BECAUSE IT WAS A BAD MOVIE! Just like 'Haunted Mansion'.

Take one part 'Resident Evil', one part 'Doctor Dolittle', two parts 'Casper the Friendly Ghost', sprinkle in the LOTR Balrog, a Star Trek alien light ball, and jokes from 'The Sixth Sense'. Stir in a giant Addams Family cauldron. Remove when lukewarm. VOILA - 'Haunted Mansion'.

Jennifer Tilly deserves better. *hangs head and sobs*

This is going on my List of Hours I'll Never Get Back. I fully intend to bill Eddie Murphy for the two hours that were sucked clean out of my lifespan by 'Haunted Mansion'. He owes me for those two hours. His name is right underneath Sharon Stone's for 'Beautiful Joe' (Sharon, I love you, but PAY UP) and Pixar's for 'Finding Nemo'. If I hear one more person tell me how much they loved 'Finding Nemo' I'll... I'll... make them watch 'Haunted Mansion'! *mutters* ... stupid gimp fish...

Heed my warning. 'Haunted Mansion' is billed as a fantasy/horror/comedy/family film. This is because the director was on crack. He was filming four movies at once. All bad. I hereby re-classify 'Haunted Mansion' as a horror film. I know I was horrified.

*sighs*

*steps off soapbox*

I'm finished. Thank you, Homie. I feel the smallest bit better now.

Philately is not really my thing (though my late Grandfather was an avid collector; he even ran a zine on Latin American stamps), but look at what the Google ads put on my banner today: LOTR stamps! Cool. Nice crown, Aragorny! Hee hee, like Aragorny Weaver. Kicking alien and orc ass.

It's Paleo Day Here at the Woods!
When I was in elementary school I knew all about dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals. I wanted to be a paleontologist. As cool as dinosaurs were, with their alien monstrousness, I was even more partial to the just-slightly-removed-from-us world of the prehistoric mammal, such as Titanotherium (I pulled that name out of 23-year-old memory banks), sabre-toothed tigers (which, everyone knows, aren't tigers at all; Smilodon) and hominids such as Neanderthals. I had a like-minded friend named Peter. At recess we were often to be found playing outside in the snow (Canadian winters being ideal for simulating ice age conditions) pretending to be mammoths. We ran around calling each other Nathan Woolly Mammoth and Peter Woolly Mammoth.
Remember that old NFB fim of the stop-motion mammoths? I sooo thought they were real when I was a young Woolly Mammoth.

There used to be some pretty sweet megafauna running around. Aside from Aepys, there were giant sloths, megalodons, mastodons, mammoths, and, my personal favorite, Ursus spelaeus, the cave bear. Giant bears who lived in caves. You would think such an awesome beat would be a fearsome predator, but in fact they seemed to have been herbivorous.
There is a book called The Clan of the Cave Bear, but sadly it is not really about bears at all. Though I do remember the movie, starring Darryl Hannah, had a pretty cool (for the time) sequence of a cave bear beheading a neanderthal. Unfortunately the neanderthals got even by hunting the cave bears to extinction.

The King of the Cassowaries

Take a look at this guy (and his girlfriend):
Unfortunately he went extinct back in the 1660's, likely due to (what else) hunting and encroachment by humans. His name is Aepyornis and he is the basis of the roc legend of the Middle East. Aepy stood ten feet tall, weighed 400 kilos (over 800 lbs) and lived on the island of Madagascar. They produced the largest eggs known to science. In fact, some believe they produced the biggest eggs that are structurally possible, making an Aepy egg the biggest single cell in existence, bigger than any dinosaur eggs. Pretty cool hey? I learned about him from an old children's book on monsters I have. It's a pretty great book- called The World of the Unknown: All About Monsters- it's got some great and graphic pictures of monsters both factual (dinos, Aepys) and fictional (dragons and minotaurs) but for all its grandness, there seems to be a rather large oversight. There is not one mention of vampires in the entire book. Maybe they decided vampires deserved their own volume.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my American friends!

Look what I can do: KoЯn! And it turns out there is no trade embargo against Canada (though gabrielle said some very pertinent things in the droppings that are still at issue). There has just been a major sKЯew up in the shipping of the discs. They should be in stores any day now. I think they should be free for the first two days for those of us who have made multiple excursions to buy the disc.
And since I have nowhere else to stick this, here is a cool artist link.

I had a dream last night that involved an issue of National Geographic from the future. One of the stories was "The Lost Ballads of Motley Crüe."

I watched Raising Arizona tonight. Finally. You might recall I have had some difficulty tracking down a copy to rent. One time I thought I found it and when I got home I discovered I had actually rented The Royal Tenenbaums. Which turned out to be somewhat serendipitous since I absolutely loved that movie.
Raising Arizona had some good laughs and some classic Coen Brothers dialogue, but it won't be joining the other Coen Bros discs I have in my collection. I just don't know that I would ever watch it again- a touch too loud for my sensitive ears. The Tenenbaums DVD has joined my collection, though, so it all worked out in the end. I have since watched both Rushmore and Bottle Rockets, and they are also really great.
Here are a couple of essays about the Tenenbaums and Wes Anderson in general.

The Harvest is Late
Yeah, so still no KoRn. They keep emailing me every day to make sure I've bought the new CD, and I would certainly relish the opportunity to do so, but since it isn't OUT yet, it's kind of hard.
I think this is a Canada thing. That has been coming up a bit lately- usually it is not an issue but I was prevented from seeing the Clone Wars miniseries as well. Hmm. Is there an embargo on that I am not aware of? Some sort of trade war? I saw my Member of Parliament in the London Drug today, maybe I should have asked her.

I am halfway through Anne Rice's Interview with the Vampire and sadly, there has not yet been any mention of cassowaries. I think my streak may be at an end. But Louis and Claudia are just heading to Europe so there is still some hope they may run into the lesser-known Transylvanian Cassowary. It is extinct, now, of course, but in the time period of Interview I think there were still some left.

My homie Lydia found dis, yo! Gollum raps. Sort of. Maybe he and Annie Lennox will cut a CD together after the ROTK soundtrack kicks ass. Gollum is in lots of songs, did you ever notice? There was that Gollum Song in the Two Towers, but he also shows up in Led Zeppelin's Misty Mountain Hop. Yeah, so he's in two songs.
Here's some more LOTR rap I just found. Think License to Ill era Beasties in Middle-Earth.

Shok and sons might be aghast at this, but my pooker table loved playing several bastardized versions of the game, including many we made up ourselves. Stevey was particularly good at coming up with rules and games. Like Mafia, in which a jack was a kill card and a king was a "get to see another guy's hole cards" card. Unless you had an ace, in which case you had protection. Pooker odds go out the window when you play these kinds of games, but they are lots of fun.
And we always ended our nights with Fish, a game we didn't make up but modified a bit. In Fish, each person is dealt four cards, and lays four chips out in front of him. The first person lays down a card, and if the next player can match it, first guy loses a chip to the pot. If third guy can play the same card, second guy loses two chips to the pot. Once you're out of chips you're out of the game, and the game keeps going until there is only one left standing, and then that player gets the pot.
The house rules we added were this. If someone matched a 9 (so that a 9 and a 9 were played), that is called the Gretzky. As anyone who watched the NHL in the '80's knows, you never hit Gretzky. So the third player, if he didn't have another 9, could lay a 3 down- McSorley come to settle the score. And then , if fourth guy didn't have a 3, he could lay down the ref to send McSorley to the penalty box. The ref being the ace of spades. It was always fun explaining those rules to any new guys we had. They tended to think we were just messing with them.

Hopefully those of you who care saw the games yesterday. Those of you who don't, it might be best if you skipped this poost. Cause it was awesome!!! Seeing all the Boys on the Bus together again. I sort of have to admit that I kinda got a little bit choked up during the player introductions. Never needed a tissue for a hockey game before. The alumni game was hardly the high-scoring game it was widely predicted to be- Georges Laraque called a score of 20-14 for Edmonton, apparently thinking he was asked about LAST week's Edmonton/Montreal game, the Grey Cup. Instead it was 2-0, with the goals coming from Kenny Lineseman and um, Marty McSorley. Yeah, Gretzky, Kurri, Messier, Anderson and Coffey were all on the ice and none of them scored, but McSorley did. McSorley also had the best quote of the weekend, too, when he pointed at Dave Hunter, who has gained a little weight since his playing days, and said, "We call him the Hunter Brothers!"
Non one expected a goal-tending clinic, but it was very cool to see Grant Fuhr in vintage mode, and Billy Ranford looked pretty good, too, though he got some help from the posts. Poosts? Posts.
And then Edmonton lost against Montreal in the regular season game, 4-3. But it was still very cool to watch. Oh yeah and Pauline Gretzky singing Sarah McLachlan's I Will Remember You was a pretty classy touch, too.

The biggest hockey game short of Game 7 of a Stanley Cup final is about to start, and oddly enough it is merely an exhibition game. Gretzky, Messier, Fuhr and all the guys from the glory years. Some of my earliest memories involve watching hockey games with my Dad when he got home from work. Messier was one of the first words I learned to read, but of course I thought it was pronounced like "My room is messier than my sister's room." Actually I kind of wish my sister were here to watch it with me. She would love this kind of thing. But don't feel too sorry for her, she lives in Mexico. And Papa Bear is at work. But don't feel too sorry for him, either, he's going to Mexico next week, and again at Christmas.

I always thought those waiters and waitresses who could take your order without writing it down were pretty impressive. Not really amazing, but certainly above average. Sorta like Kronk, in Emperor's New Groove when he's in the restaurant. Kronk really is amazing, yet very below average in some ways.
In Lhasa, there was this one restaurant we liked to eat at, they served some excellent Tibetan cuisine. The waitresses, used to dealing with Westerners, would take our order and bring us our soup and yak meat and what-have-you. But then when you were ready to leave, you had to go into the kitchen and write sown everything you ordered and calculate the expenses and pay accordingly. It was actually kind of fun, but it made me laugh a little.
One time my friend and ex-room-mate Corey and I went in there and spontaneously started having a drawing contest, since we came prepared with pen and paper. There was a beautiful painting of a nomadic yak-herder on the wall, and we both did our best facsimile. The waitress thought this was very funny- really above average in hilarity, as she shyly watched us and giggled uncontrollably. I like to think she was laughing with us, and not at our sketching ability, which was certainly below average.
When we were finshed and I was judged the winner (if memory serves ;), we presented our efforts to the waitress and she put them up along with the original. So if you're ever in Lhasa you can go to the Tashi 1 restaurant and see some original Homie Bear artwork.

Some exciting things I have noticed lately:
-The Oilers are obviously pumped for Saturday as they have now won four in a row. Yay! All four were played sans Salo, by the way.
-Annie Lennox will be singing the end-song on the Return of the King Soundtrack! Yay!
-KoRn's new CD is out tomorrow! Yay!
-It's Walter, the Farting Dog! Yay!

As I was trudging through the snow today, feeling very much like a polar bear, I stopped in at a 7-11 to peruse the magazines. I saw one I have to get, and here's why: Grizzly polar bears! Be warned, though, if you follow the link, they only print the opening few paragraphs, so that you actually have to buy the magazine. Yeah, I thought I could be tricksy and just go home and read it on the net, but oh well. Canadian Geographic is a fine publication, as long as it is talking about bears or whales or me. I usually skip the ones that have cover shots of Saskatchewan canola fields, though.

It's winter! It's fall! It's winter! It's fall! Edmonton can be like that in November, a month in which it is equally possible to be 10-15 degrees above or below zero on any given day. Even the same day. Last night when I went to bed, there was nary a snowflake on the ground. Today when I woke up there were about eight hundred and seventy-poo trillion of them. Muchos . . . do they have a word for snow in Mexico?
I hope this won't affect the big outdoor game on Saturday. Gretz has said the alumni (old-timers) game will go on no matter what, and to be honest that's the one I want to see, but the regular season Oilers/Canadiens game may be cancelled if it is too cold. Shouldn't be, though. Remember what I said to the Haligonian about the Grey Cup?

This is a little poem I've been working on for a few days, which is longer than they usually take to write. I will just poost it now in case I never finish it. There- finished. I call it
A Study in Blue Conducted in D Major:

The bunnies and beavers, the mice and the moose
All gathered together by the gnarled old spruce
The elk and the deer helped fill up the quorum
For the First Annual Forest Animal Forum
The Chairman Chipmunk called a start to the meeting
First on the agenda was concern over eating
Of innocent animals by big ugly bears
Who crunch on the bones in their big ugly lairs
The squirrels suggested a pre-emptive strike
Mr. Moose had a laugh and said, "Do as you like
"Bombard them with acorns until they surrender
"When their heads start to ache and their heinies get tender"
The squirrels sat down and the bunnies took the floor
"We are known for our cuteness and not for our roar
"So we have a proposal and we hope you will grab it
"Henceforth we shall be known by the name Grizzly Rabbit"
The motion was passed and the rabbits were glad
But the field mice stood up and they looked kind of mad
They squeaked something out about how it just wasn't fair
For a rodent to take on the name of a bear
"We are NOT rodents, and we will do as we please
"So sit down and be silent and eat some of your cheese"
Next thing you know all the animals were fighting
There was scratching and clawing and beating and biting
Elk called Racoon a bank-robbing bandit
The bighorns banged heads and the beavers said dam it
The F.A.F.A.F. was an utter disaster
It went south like the geese but only much faster
Homie looked on and shook his head, all disgusted
He could have helped but predators weren't trusted
This all goes to show that you never should dare
To try changing the world without the help of a bear!

As if the Grey Cup win wasn't big enough, next weekend the Oilers are hosting the NHL's first ever outdoor game at the Commonwealth Stadium. Tickets are pretty much impossibe to get- they auctioned off the rights to buy tickets in a lottery, and 700,000 people, or just less than the entire population of Edmonton, entered. Those who won bought all the tickets. So I will have to watch this one on TV somewhere, but I wish I was going. Especially since the Oil announced today the signing of Adam Oates, a player I have always liked.

One month to go till the King Returns. And one day to go till The Two Towers extended version DVD. 'Tis the season to be jolly.
Plus, for some reason, the Clone Wars microseries is now available to all us non-Americans. I'm feeling more and more festive by the minute!

Mr. and Mrs. Gotthammer went to Banff last weekend and were kind enough to bring me some Black Bear Droppings. Mmm they taste good. Actually, they are chocolate coated cashews. Mike told me that Jen saw them in a store window and said they would be the perfect gift. So thanks to both of them for their thoughtfulness, which has been demonstrated on many an occasion. Next time I have a supply of black bear droppings I will be sure to return the favour! Hehe.

Yup, I knew it. Grey Cup glory for Edmonton.
But I don't regret missing the game on account of the G tonight. It was good- little babies were dedicated. All their extended family was there, and it was a sacred thing.
So really, goodness all around in Edmonton tonight. Yay Esks!

The Edmonton Eskimos have jumped to an early lead in the Grey Cup. I am off to the Gathering now, so I will unfortunately not be watching the game. But I am confident that when I return to my woods that the Eskies will be the champions of the world! Alright, champions of Canada, but really that's all that matters. Superbowl? I eat bowls for breakfast. Or is it, I eat breakfast from bowls? Something like that. Anyways, give me the Grey Cup any day.
Go esks!

So, finally saw Revolutions last night. I liked it, though I will admit it is the weakest of the three movies. I really liked the big battle scene, since I used to be a heavy equipment operator so I could imagine myself (or more likely, my Dad who is a world class operator) strapping into one of those APU (what does that stand for? Can you buy them at the Quik E Mart?) things and wreaking some havoc. But, that is all I will say about that, in case you haven't yet seen it. Oh, and also, there was no Rage song at the end. This was enraging. Well, disgruntling, at least.

And today I FINALLY saw Interview With The Vampire. Good movie. Makes me want to reread the books, since I read the first three 13 years ago, and have never read any of the others. Also it has inspired me to interview the vampire I live with, but since said vampire is sleeping out hunting, I will just give you what I imagine her answers would be. You can be confident that all her answers are completely accurate since I know her so well.

Interview With the Vampire Nomad

Homie Bear: So, Vampire Nomad, welcome to my show.
Vampire Nomad: Thank you.
HB: I know you're not one for small talk so let me get right down to business. Tell me, who is the best room mate in the entire world?
VN: Definitely Homie Bear. Really, there's no question.
HB: I see. Interesting. Tell me more about him.
VN: Gladly, I can't ever say enough about him. He is smart and funny and a good cook and classy (but not shifty) and embodies all that is right about humanity. Or Bearanity as the case may be.
HB: So, have you bought him his Christmas Present yet?
VN: No, not yet. I am still deciding what to get him.
HB: I bet he would like a new car, or maybe a train. He likes boats!
VN: Hmm, all good suggestions, but I was thinking something a little more ornate. But it's a secret. Trust me, though, it'll be the best present ever.
HB: Yay! Ok, next question. Who is your hero?
VN: Homie Bear, definitely. But, aren't you going to ask me about life as a vampire?
HB: Oh yeah! Let's see . . . oh, look we're out of time! Join me tomorrow night when my special guests will be my conference call buddies, the Dalai Lama, King Snowfrost and Marilyn Manson. Have a good night!

I hope you listened to the Star Trekking song I linked to yesterday, because then you will be adequately prepared to go over to the Crypt to read mine and gabrielle's Next Generation version that we wrote tonight. Mostly she wrote it and I laughed, but I will claim partial authorship in terms of being moral support.

Here are some links to amuse you while I edit my friend's paper on Plato's Republic:
Here we have Exploring Plato's Dialogues, a fascinating site on . . . oh, I said amusing links, didn't I? Sorry. Alright, then via Colby Cosh, here is a diagram of the Ten Tallest Skyscrapers. Also from Colby, here is an essay contest in case you have a thousand dollars to burn and always wanted to own a hotel in Grande Prairie.
I remember hearing a novelty song on the radio many years ago now, about Star Trek. Since Trek has figured so prominently here and in the Crypt lately, I thought I would try to track it down. Success! You'll need RealPlayer, but if you don't have it, you can at least read the lyrics.

Although there is no book called Ape of God, there is the intriguing-sounding Monster of God, about man-eating predators (such as tigers, gabrielle, I think you should get this book!). I wish I had thought of this title first. David Quammen must have been listening to Metallica's Some Kind of Monster and Sepultura's Apes of God and suddenly the lightbulb went on in his head.

Back in my university days, my friend Rob and I were always lab partners. We hardly ever sat still long enough to do the labs, though. Instead we were always wandering around the room, looking in on others' work, going off to HUB mall (the U of A has its own mall- only in Edmonton, eh?) for lunch or video games . . . it was a state of mind. Actually, it was its very own Nation. Glorious Slackerland, we called it. We even thought about making a flag for Glorious Slackerland, but that would have been too much work.
Anyways, I was reminded of it today when I encountered some true Patriots of Glorious Slackerland.
Vixi desidiosis!

In my browsing yesterday I came across a friend of Selkie's by the name of Gimmy who is holding a bloggiversary contest. She is a pretty good photographer so the contest is to pick one of her photos and write a poem about it. You can see my entry over at her blog, as well as the photo I used for inspiration. And of course you can enter yourself if you like. There is a link to the rules from there. Better hurry- though I just found out about it yesterday, it has been on for a couple of weeks and the due date is the 15th.

The vampirenomad is always brilliant, but I feel doubly compelled to point you to her latest entry- it is Star Trekky again, but (repeat after me) this is never a bad thing. The additional cultural references and mini-review of Pink's new album are a study in . . . um . . . something. Zeitgeist or whatever you call it. Anyways, go check it out.

I finished reading Life of Pi today. It was pretty good- though I thought it was about a talking tiger, and it wasn't. The tiger is a major part of the book, but he doesn't talk. Don't know where I got that from. I heard that M. Night Shyamalan is filming an adaptation of it right now- that should be pretty cool. I won't say much more since I recommend you all read the book.
But I will say that I didn't expect the book to have an almost Bradbury-ish quality to it. Now, it so happens that I have Bradbury on the mind right now as my room-mate just got me reading The October Country by him, so it's hard to say if I would have thought so without that recent influence. But those of you who have read it, do you see what I am saying? Should make a cool M Knight movie, anyways.

In fairness, she DID warn me. Gabrielle and I, pursuant to our mutual Trek obsession these days, watched Insurrection tonight. It was horrible. As in, truly terrible and godawful. I saw Nemesis for the first time a few nights ago (having dropped out of Trek fanhood for a few years, there), and I thought it was pretty good. Very close to great, even. But Insurrection just didn't measure up. Because it sucked (it is an odd-numbered Trek movie, and thus subsceptible to the curse). There were a few inspired moments, usually involving crew interaction, and the space battle was pretty good, but the story was so talky and boring and completely devoid of tension. Sample line, "How could I ever look at another sunset knowing all the suffering we let these people endure?" I think gabrielle's exact words referring to the first time she saw it were, "There goes two hours of my life I'll never get back."
But at least I was allowed to watch it in my own country.

Grrr! You know, I can handle being shut out of most contests due to being Canadian- it would be nice to enter to win a free Two Towers DVD or a chance to be an extra in Star Wars III, but since the chances of winning are so negligible, it is really not a tragedy that I am not eligible. Hee hee I used negligible and eligible in the same sentence.
But what really frustrates me is that I can not watch chapter 2 of the Clone Wars simply because I do not reside in the UNITED STUPID STATES OF POO?????? Why the hell would I want to live in a country that . . . ok, rant averted, simply because I do not want to offend my American friends and readers, of whom there are many. Still. I watched Chapter 1 no problem just the other day, so why all of a sudden is chapter 2 denied me?
Perhaps this is the CRTC at work, come to think about it. In which case it would be MY country that is the pooey one, and I would owe an apoology to the 'mericans.

There is something wrong with the blogspot banner ads. I think someone has hacked into them because there is no way blogspot would do this. And just like with the creepy nun picture, this one is on all blogspot pages. Hopefully by the time you read this it will have been fixed and you won't have any idea what I'm talking about.
Update: Interestingly, with my very limited hacker skills (ie, nonexistent), I was able to discover a couple of things. I checked the properties of the image, and this is its URL: www.blogblog.com/images/header1.gif. Now, www.blogblog.com is just a 404 not found page. But I typed in blogblog.com/images/header2.gif to see what would come up, and it was the old blogspot logo that used to appear. Strange, n'est ce pas? But what does it all mean?

Disney seems to have a fascination with bears, did you ever notice? Winnie the Pooh, Baloo, Little John in Robin Hood (both Baloo and Little John were voiced by Phil Harris, incidentally), the Country Bears, and now Brother Bear. I think it's only a matter of time before they approach me regarding making a movie about Homie Bear. I'll be right here, Disney, when you're ready!

Just the other day I was thinking about how I don't have anyone of just the right age to take to movies such as Brother Bear, a movie I don't particularly want to see, but feel obligated to in light of its subject matter. There used to be this little guy named Zach who came out to the Gathering, and we were friends. His mom thought it would be cool for me to take him out from time to time, and we had fun seeing movies and tobogganogganing and stuff, but then they moved away.
Tonight at the Gathering I walk in, and who should be there but A and Z! They have moved back, and though Zach didn't immediately remember me, it didn't take him long to warm up again. And he asked me, "Do you want to go see Brother Bear? Or Matrix Revolutions?"
I told him Brother Bear would be a great movie to go see. Matrix might not be appropriate for him, since he is only 8. And besides, I couldn't possibly go see Matrix with anyone other than gabrielle.

And did you know there was a lunar eclipse going on right this minute? I can see it out the balcony door. Pretty.

Remembrance Day is coming up, so I wrote a little piece which I published over at the Cave. It's a few days early but I went over to a coffeeshop this afternoon and wrote it, so I might as well put it up now.

The Genndy Tartakovsky Clone Wars microseries debuted last night, and you can watch Chapter 1 here at the Star Wars site, or at the Cartoon Network site, which has some pretty cool Flashness going on. It's just an introductory episode, and like all the chapters, only a couple of minutes long, but it's pretty good. As in, better than Attack of the Clones.

Remember the Choose your Own Adventure books? I was good at them- I always chose the right adventures. Anyways, someone recently emailed me the URL for a site they made- Choose Your Own Adventure New York!

I finally finished reading Cryptonomicon yesterday. That was one long book. As gabrielle said, "Now you can read something good." For the record, I enjoyed Cryptonomicon very much. One doesn't read an 1100+ page book that sucks, but it is nice to move onto something else.
And that something else is Life of Pi. It's quite good, so far. It's about animals and religion and who knows what else. But the cool thing about it is, it is the second book in a row to mention cassowaries! Yay! Though both times were very incidental. Still.

What is with the creepy nun that is on all the blogspot banner ads? She is looking decidedly unnunnish.

Ahh, so good to be back, safe from vampires and nomads at last. Bear with me while I attempt to put things back the way they were.
And there! I kept a few changes- I thought the black looked kind of cool. What do you think? Of course, if you were to offer me a completely reworked template featuring trees and bears and streams and even snow, that would be even cooler. But for now, this will do.

Hello? Can you hear me? Hopefully this works. I think gabrielle and I have figured out the cause of all the mayhem. You might have read the account of my deductive reasoning over at the Crypt where I was stuck for the last few days, where I poosited that it was Poe who was responsible for the switch. Gabrielle tended to agree with me, and said this:
"I tend to believe Poe was typing and nefariously reversed the polarity of the gravitational field while attempting to make an interplexing beacon that would alter the timeline of the current universe to one where cats rule the world and humans exist only to carry the cats around on cushions."
And then I found Poe doing this.
So. Caught in the act. Unfortunately she is not in the least bit scared of me so when I commanded her to re-reverse the poe-larity she just off-handedly swiped at me with her claws.
So then I tattled on her to her mom and she made her put it back the way it was.

For those of you following along at home, Blarg is now 5 for 5 in the potential solution department and the rest of you are either too baffled to attempt to make sense of this switch or you don't care. I'm vain enough to believe everybody cares what happens to Homie and I so I'll assume you're all having brain farts (or, as I like to call them, Keanu moments) and cut you some slack. In any case, Blarg did come up with 5 very intriguing and potentially devastating options. Let's review...

1. Reverse the polarity. This is a popular choice. Homie came up with something not dissimilar himself. Reverse the quantum polarity, reverse the effect of the space-time rift, reverse the dataflux... it's all the same theory. Geordi could expound upon it in nauseating detail I'm sure but I'll put it to you in lay terms. If we make the engines go the other way, we'll be sucked back into our own blogs. The Enterprise reversed polarity rather frequently, usually in terms of gravitational fields, and to the best of my TNG knowledge never blew up as a direct result. So this is definitely in the running.

2. Redirect power from the EPS manifolds. There once was a time when I could flip open my Star Trek Technical Manual (I'll pause for the laughter to subside) and tell you exactly what the EPS manifold was and how it worked. Of course since then I found myself living a rather eventful life and promptly forgot all my isolation-induced Academy training. However I can tell you that messing with the EPS manifold is no mere trifle. (Puppy you just hush - we're not aiming for Data-like accuracy here. Just a vague Riker-esque impression of what things do.) If we redirect power from the EPS manifold we not only have to contend with a drained manifold but the reality that... well... redirect power to what?... and for what purpose? In blog terms this is too vague to be considered an actual answer. But as theories go it's like bubblegum. Fun to chew on, little nutritional value.

3. Venting plasma. If I had a dollar for every time venting plasma solved the problem du jour, I'd have, like, five dollars. Venting plasma can really solve just about any problem. Warp core overheating? Vent the plasma. Anti-matter containment breach? Vent the plasma. Ten-Forward out of Romulan ale? Vent the damn plasma! When all else fails... yeah, you guessed it. This is one of those all-encompassing no-brainer solutions. It's an alternate to using Data's superior speed, processing, intelligence, or strength to get out of a tight spot. Definitely in the running.

4. Try using the navigational deflector array as an interplexing beacon. This is by far my favorite of the Blarg Solutions. It worked not so well for the Borg but not because the idea was flawed. The idea is sheer and unadulterated brilliance. With the navigational deflector re-worked to function as an interplexing beacon you can re-write the fabric of time. Give or take dimensional rift plausibility and timeline consistency. Where the Borg failed was in execution. They tend to lack the ability to adapt to change with any degree of creativity. Creativity is not a problem here. In fact, all we're really working with is creativity. Which is why this is such a great idea!

5. Email the guys at blogspot. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *gasps* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... wheeeeeee... what sort of science fiction reality do you think we're living here?

I'm going to get my crack team of scientists (re-runs of Geordi's finest moments in combination with my old grade ten science text book) working on these options straight away. Hopefully Homie will weigh in with his own observations sometime tonight. I feel pretty good about our chances here, truth be told. Barring sudden disaster (like letting Deanna drive), we should be back in our own blogs before you can say 'Bob's your uncle'.

G the VN

P.S. I hate the color orange.

P.P.S. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

P.P.P.S. So... it's been, like, five minutes since I last posted. Any ideas, anyone? Hello?

G the VN

I just watched two more episodes of TNG to see if I could come up with a solution to the whole blog-switch insanity Homie and I currently find ourselves in. I didn't learn anything directly applicable to our current dilemma but I did observe some things that may be useful in future situations. For example...

1) Site-to-site transports are useful for evading forcefield corridor blockages. And pursuant Klingons.
2) Dating on the Enterprise is just another excuse to work more.
3) Bad things happen when Riker is left alone on Risa.
4) Flashlights are called 'palm beacons'.
5) Geordi will be alone forever.

Other than that I have to admit that I'm stumped. Over at my beautiful crypt, Homie has been getting a few bewildered comments in regards to the switch just as I have here in the woods. It seems this little dilemma is causing more than a few head scratching moments. Listen, there are a few things you all should know about this situation. First of all, we didn't plan it. Nobody plans dataflux or a quantum filament. Come on, people. Second, we'd each like to be back in our own home blogs before Christmas. Or Wednesday. Pick your poison. Third, there is one more thing I learned from Trek - to be open to suggestions. Which is why I'm now turning to all you loyal readers for assistance. HELP!

Just click on the 'bite me' link... *sighs*... I mean the 'droppings' link and leave me your comments, thoughts, and plans of action. Seriously. We could use a hand here. Not that I'm not brilliant but much more of this cold wintry woodsy existence and my brain will stop functioning altogether. And I'm sure by now Homie's starving. Unless you're an immortal, a vampiric twilight isn't the best place to forage for food.

G the VN

"Fuck breakfast!" ~ Marilyn Manson
(Except tomorrow when I get a free furbday breakfast at Denny's.)

In honor of my new surroundings (woods and poo, in case anybody could forget), I went wandering to acclimatize myself to the region. What I learned is not necessarily any sort of profound (or POOfound, as Homie would doubtless say) life lesson. It was freezing cold. There was snow. And yes, there were trees. So I will now bastardize MM's statement to suit my needs.

"Fuck winter!" ~ Gabrielle

I long for the dark closeness of my crypt where snowflakes dare not penetrate. Not even to fall feather-light on my eyelashes. The beauty of such moments is tangible but preferrably viewed from within the confines of a warm sanctum. I wander these woods and try to learn what lesson must be learned in order to send me back to my lush twilight realm.

I did have a marvelous furbday celebration last night, however. To all the Beautiful People who surprised me and showered me with friendship and gifts, I was truly taken off guard and truly touched. It was the best party I could have imagined and I thank every one of you for being part of it. As I thank my dear sister for planning it all and feeding the hungry masses with a feast fit for an immortal.

HAPPY TO ME!

G the VN

Oooooooookaaaaaaay....

WTF?

I posted a whole entry about the glories of my birthday to my blog and it ended up posting to Homie's woods. What the hell is going on here?

Yeah, I'm screwed. After five log-out and log-in attempts, I can't make anything post to my blog. Just Homie's. I can't explain this switch. I can only theorize that it has something to do with dataflux. I suspect that the anti-matter containment mix somehow reversed polarity when we passed through the vertiform particle storm thus triggering a rift in the fabric of space. I can't back that up. And actually I think I'm beginning to sense that too much Trek can begin to affect your daily life in ways heretofore considered impossible...

I don't know what to do about this. I mean, I DON'T EVEN LIKE CAMPING! Guh... woods... poo... hmmm... though a true vampire could have a seriously good time converting the wildlife into immortal predators here. Fear me. My impetus knows no bounds.

G the VN

So far my birthday has more closely remembled the twelve days of Christmas than any traditional sort of birth celebration. Deservedly so, I may add.

It began on Tuesday with the first of Homie Bear's seven-part gift to me. So far I've received a 'Shakespeare In Love' DVD, a Beethoven CD, a Luke Skywalker action figure (complete with removable hand), a 'Star Trek: First Contact' DVD, the promise of the new Britney CD, a collection of grrl power songs, and a Marilyn Manson concert DVD. WOOHOOO!! Go me. In case you're wondering what the hell Marilyn Manson, Star Trek, Beethoven, and Britney could possibly have in common, Homie Bear's genius is the explanation. In the course of our friendship so far we've been to Shakespeare in Hawrelak Park, a Beethoven symphony, a play about pop music (including a Britney and NSync spoof), a play about a Shakespeare professor, a one-man Star Wars show, a Marilyn Manson 'Golden Age' concert, and we've watched enough Trek to choke a moose. Thus, you see, it's thematic.

Last night we celebrated Halloween (and my birthday, since I've laid claim to everything from October 30 to November 5) by watching the Director's Cut of 'Alien' in the theatre. Um, how many ways can I say KICK ASS? Sigourney Weaver blows my mind. She's a woman in charge. She should have done Trek. She would have made a formidable Tasha Yar... and would never have let some smack-talking oil slick take her out in the first season, either.

Tonight my sister is whipping up a feast for my birthday (I love having a sister - especially one who cooks) and then we're doing the time warp with other Rocky Horror-ites. Such a worthy celebration for a vampire.

G the VN

In a moment reminiscent of 'Freaky Friday', Homie Bear and Gabrielle inexplicably change online places. Homie Bear now finds himself wandering the preternatural twilight of the vampire nomad's opinion-soaked domain while Gabrielle blinks in some consternation up at the towering trees where pooing in the woods occurs. Neither is quite sure what to make of their new environments. How did they come to be in each other's blog? Could all that Star Trek: the Next Generation they'd been watching of late have opened some bizarre online space-time portal? How will they get back home? And, more importantly, what sort of havoc will each wreak in the other's domain along the way?