It's the end of the year, and everyone is doing their year-in-reviews, Top Ten lists and the like. Here's a few of mine, but only five of each, cause I'm poor.

Top 5 CDs of 2002
1. KoRn, Untouchables
2. Eminem, The Eminem Show
3. OUr Lady Peace, Gravity
4. Johnny Cash, American IV, The Man Comes Around
5. Slayer, God Hates US All (He doesn't really)
6. The Poos, Volume 1

Top 5 Movies of 2002
1. LOTR- The Two Towers
2. Star Wars Epoosode II - Hey- is this YOUR blog? Then shut up!
3. 8 Mile
4. Lilo and Stitch
5. Insomnia

Top 5 Historical Periods of 2002
1. Klondike Gold Rush, 1897-98
2. Great Pooletariat Cultural Revolution, 1966-1976
3. Dynasty Era for the Oilers, 1980's
4. When Neanderthals Walked the Earth, 30,000BC
5. NOT 2002!!!

Top 5 Geographical Locations of 2002
1. On Top of The Golden Stairs, Chilkoot Trail, Alaska/Canada Border
2. Observation Deck of The Empire State Building, New York, New York
3. La Barra, Veracruz, Mexico
4. Does Middle-Earth count?
5. The House of Poo

Last night it sounded like a pod of Humpbacked Whales were swimming around somewhere, outside my window. This is prepoosterous, of course, since Edmonton is about as landlocked as you can get. (Trivia question: What is the most landlocked city in the world? First person to get it right will be awarded a PoohD and Poofessorship at the U of Poo). The only explanation I could come up with is the graders clearing the snow. Sometimes the cold can make some strange accoustics. And it's nice to finally have some snow, even if it is a little too late for a White Christmas, Just like the ones we used to have.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas. I did. I went to Hinton for a few days to visit Grandparents and other relatives. Good to see the Rec Center still has the sign that says "Poo for rent." The first time I saw that was on a caving trip with my friend Carla (Hi Carla!) and a couple others over 8 years ago now. Time flies. But the poo sign remains the same.
I gotta give Alex a poomotion for his thoughtful gift to me- a moose keychain with Special Poo Action! Nicely done Alex. You are poomoted. I can't remember what your rank is so I will get back to you on your new rank.
But that's all for today, folks.

We sometimes have unusual visitors here at the House of Poo. Like last night- I was in my room when I heard the door open, so I went out to see who it was, thinking it was Matty. Instead it was some big guy with a shaved head and a beard, who says to me, "Hi Steve!" and goes straight to the bathroom. I was bewildered for a brief interval, but then Tom came in and explained that his friend Anthony would be staying the night. So that was fine- we have plenty of room when Mike and Andrew are gone.
Having Anthony provided a source of amusement, what with his desire to buy a Pink Robotic Vacuum Cleaner from Ebay ("But it has heat sensors!") and his endearing habit of judging us by our appearance. Andrew is the reincarnaton of Joseph Smith, Matty is the guy who likes to greet people who have been stabbed at his church with a pious "Let's pray to Jesus." Turns out Matt and Anthony have a mutual friend Jonny who, according to Anthony, didn't treat him like an asshole in high school. TO which Matt replied, "That's Jonny alright- not an asshole."
Oh yeah, and I am apparently a Messianic Cult Leader who Promotes Violence. Which may be so, but my name's not Steve, dammit!

For today's poosts, go to the bottom one and read upwards

One last try. Because Tom has been so ungrateful, I have begun to worry about the fate of his eternal soul. So when he came home, I presented him with my most Considerate Gift yet.
"Tom, I got you something that I think you will really appreciate, it will truly last forever."
"I'm not even sure I want to know what it is . . ."
"It's an Indulgence!"
"Wha . . but we're not even Catholic. Let me see that- 'Dear St. Peter, please let Tom out of Purgatory 500 years early. Thanks, I owe you one. Signed, The Pope.' Well, at least you didn't sign it The Poope."
"What do you mean? I didn't sign it, it's from the Pope himself."
"Yeah, right. You know, forging the Pope's signature might wind up costing you an extra 500 years in Purgatory."
"So you don't want this gift, either?"
"No. Leave me alone. In fact, where's that restraining order you got?"

Well, I don't feel so bad anymore; clearly Tom is too high-strung to get into Christmas this year. But I decided to try again, and get him something he obviously needs this time.
"Here, Tom, I felt bad about making you cry, so I got you this. Merry Christmas."
">sigh< What is it this time?"
"It's a prescription for Prozac! I thought you could use it."
"But you're not a doctor! And you spelled it Poozac!"
"Always gotta find fault, eh, Tom? Just take it to the pharmacy, they probaby don't even read those things."
"And besides, I DO NOT need Prozac, thank you very much."
"You're welcome!" I called, but he was already out the door.

Tom read my poost last night and wasn't very happy with my generosity. So I felt bad and got him something real- A Last Will and Testament!
"Here, Tom, I made out a will for you- you just have to sign it here, here and here. I will be your witness."
"A will? But, it says here I'm leaving everything to my Wise and Benevolent Room-Mate, Nathan Waddell."
"Yes, that's very kind of you, I guess the Christmas Spirit has infected us all. You just have to sign it."
"I'm not gonna sign it."
"Come on, it's my Christmas Present to you!"
"No way! I'm not signing."
"Quit being such a Scrooge!"
And with that Tom threw the Will away and went down to his room. Poopoo head.

Oh yeah, it's Christmas time. I got so caught up in LOTR that I almost forgot. But not quite- I did some Christmas shopping. I didn't go as crazy as last year, but it was still good. Now that I'm all done, however, I realize that I didn't really get my room-mates anything. I came up with a pretty good idea though- Restraining Orders!! Wouldn't that be great? "Here, Tom, Merry Christmas!"
"What's this?"
"A restraining order! You have to stay 500 feet from me at all times! Pretty great, eh?"
"But, my room's directly below yours . . . "
"Well, you should have thought of that before I got you this restraining order."

And for Matty, I have written him this Pooem:

Matt you are my friend and I am glad
That we live together like we do
When you are happy and I am sad
It really makes me feel like poo
So here is a Court Order just for you

Too bad for Mike and Andrew, they already went home for the holidays so they don't get anything.

To see the Two Towers two times in two days is too great. Cory and I got dressed up again, though we left our weapons at home this time- since we weren't explicitly told to take them like at the preview. Come to think of it I did bring the wooden sword. As soon as we entered one of the staff took our picture. Scott and Shannie were there early and got us seats, so we had good ones, but a long wait- we got there just after 6, and I thought the show started at 7, so at 6:55 I was getting excited again, till Cory reminded me that the show was at 7:30. So I decided to go out for a bit of a stretch. I got to talking with one of the ushers for a while, so when I went back inside finally, there was someone sitting in my seat! Oh no! Luckily I didn't have to smite her with my sword- she was very polite and moved over. Then we got to talking, and next thing I know she gives me this poogram from the Two Towers Special Exhibit that took place at the Royal Ontario Museum out in Toronto! Cool! A very nice gesture, so thanks to Marjorie, who will never ever read this, but that's okay.
And the movie was just as good the second time- I seriously think Gollum was poofect. Andy Serkis deserves a Oscar nomination or something. I know! I will give him a special award right now! I hereby name Andy Serkis a Royal Knight of the Order of Poo for his Poofect Pooformance.

So I just got back from the Two Towers preview. Wow!! I won't ruin anything for you guys but it was everything you hoped it would be. I was almost pooing my pants in the first five minutes. Soon enough you will know too. So good!! Cory and I were dressed as Gondorian Rangers- the wizard thing didn't really work out. But Cory looked so cool- he WAS Aragorn. He had a green cloak that went over his brown leather jacket with Aragorn sleeves, and boots and wrist guards and stuff. Oh yeah and he was carrying his SWORD on his belt. An honest, real-life sword. As for me, I was armed to the teeth with my room-mate's wooden practice sword, Cory's longbow and also his shield. And I was wearing Mike's cloak (all rolled up though) and this really cool jacket I bought last year in Tibet which actually fit the motif pretty good. And to complete the effect, my old and trusty hiking boots, covered with gaiters made from the cut-off sleeves of Cory's jacket. It looked good, I have to say. And I never thought I would be doing a fashion report here at Pooing in the Woods, but there you go. And as it turns out, we were the only ones dressed up (Cory contacted the radio station and offered and they were like yeah that'd be great) so we wound up guarding the entrance and leading the crowd to the Playdium after for a free party, with pizza and video games and stuff- everyone was really impressed by the costumes. It was a lot of fun, being all dressed up like that. So, thanks to the radio station guys and again to Cory and Lauren. What a perfect night. And just two more days and I can see it again! Yay!!!!!!!!

I must take a moment to honor a Noble and Sacrificial Woman of Great Compoossion and Grace. Lauren has Generously and Selflessly given up her free ticket to the Two Towers preview TOMORROW NIGHT so that her husband Cory (also a Great Humanitarian) can take me instead!!!!!!!! It is a dress up affair, but not Black Tie, more like Middle-Earth. I guess Lauren prefers not to get all dressed up. I can sympoothize, but honestly she could pass for the Fair Lady Galadriel without any costumey effects at all. (And I already mentioned that she is married so NO I will not introduce any of you pooverts to her). For my costume we discussed taping some twigs and branches to me so I can be a Ent, but then Mike offered to lend me his Jedi Robe so I can go as a wizard. Thank you Mike and Thank You Very Much to Cory and Lauren- may you ever have a place in the woods to call your own.

Oh yeah, and Super Pooper First Class Cal is coming over tonight at 1AM for a final pooker night before he moves to Vanpoover forever. An epic night of card playing awaits. Can life be more poofect?

And the winner of the coveted Poo Pioneer award- Scottie Superhero!! He is one of the webmasters at the Gathering, so go check out the link. He also has his own site but it seems to be down- poohaps he can enlighten me so I can add a working link to it.

I have added a commenting function, so feel free to voice your opoonions about any poost on this site, hopefully it works. And I just fixed it so it appears in a non-confusing place. The first commenter will be awarded the status of Poo Pioneer.
And I just learned how to make links open in anew window so click away on the links.

I watched Ralph Bakshi's version of Lord of the Rings again tonight. This is an animated movie that came out in 1978, and is almost universally deplored. But I first watched it as a kid in about 1985 or 1986, and was pretty impressed by it at the time, and I have to say, even if it has a few touches of '70's cheesiness, it is still not that bad of a movie. Sure, they ran out of money before they were finished, so it ends at Helm's Deep (with the happy news that evil has been banished from the face of Middle-Earth forever), leaving the somewhat important sub-plot of Frodo and Sam just heading towards Mordor, with no resolution as far as the Ring goes or anything. I guess the fate of the Ring isn't really THAT important. And Merry and Pippin meet Treebeard in this movie, but that's all. The last you see of them they are heading off to Treebeard's house. And everyone inexplicably calls Saruman by his proper name half the time, and Aruman the other half. Anyways, even after all that, it is still pretty cool. They use a lot of live action shots that they animate over, so even though it was a money-saving device, it produces some interesting visuals at times, especially with the Nazgul and orcs.
Obviously, the Sam Jackson movies are ten million times better, but I don't think it's fair to compare them. Although I haven't seen Two Towers yet, everyone knows it will have the same near-perfect quality as Fellowship. I will even award it this rating in advance: 0 poos out of 5.
As far as the Bakshi film goes, it's rating is necessarily a little lower, but still a respectable 2 poos out of 5.

Decision-making is a skill that a lot of people don't really have. Ever notice that? So, as a pooblic service announcement, Homie Bear is going to teach you how to make decisions. Here is a case study. Shannie called me today and invited me to the Two Towers of Poo (at least, that is what it should be called) on opening night with a bunch of folks. Now, my sister is flying in from Mexico that night, so I really shouldn't make any non-family plans. However, I don't really know when she's flying in. So the decision is, do I go to the Poo Towers and risk the wrath of the female members of my family (that's a lot of wrath)? Or do I say, "No thanks Shannie, I had better not"? Well, obviously I am going to the Two Pooers. In a way this is a bad case study because there is really no decision making required here, the correct answer is self-evident. But here is my advice to you: it is better to make a wrong decision then none at all. This is a sound poolicy in the case of deciding where to go for supper with a bunch of friends or somethng like that. For big life decisions, the same holds true, just that you have to invest a little more thought and prayer into the matter. In other words, Poo or get out of the woods!
This pooblic service announcement brought to you by Pooing in the Woods.
Need advice? email homie bear

I preached at the Gathering tonight- it went okay. Actually the whole service was pretty great, though I don't mean to insinuate by that that I was great. But everything else was. Anyways, I only bring it up because I used the following story in the sermon, which was a weird dream I had that I think is worth preserving:

The Murderous Axe of Morgoth

In this dream I get to be Aragorn. And Aragorn is in a very large, enclosed chamber similar to Moria. Sauron is present, more as a felt presence, but gigantic. So is a sorceress, for some reason. Sauron is controlling a very large, enchanted weapon, the Murderous Axe of Morgoth. It's huge, bigger than a bus, and he's trying to bash me with it. So I'm ducking and dodging, and he embeds the blade into the stone walkway. So then the sorceress sends this whirling spear thing at me, which flies everywhere, caroming here and there. At one point it scours the entire length of the Mudrerous Axe of Morgoth, rendering its enchantment useless. The sorceress is furious at me for this, and grabs me in her evil clawlike hand and yells, "You ruined the Murderous Axe of Morgoth!"
And I was like, "Well, you're trying to kill me so I'm not really sorry."
Then the scene changes, and i'm in a sterile church or school basement, white tiles, flourescent lights, and there are some cubicle dividers I can hide behind, because orcs are coming in. I shoot my bow and arrows at them, though my arrows are really just twigs and shouldn't do any damage at all. Luckily for me, Legolas shows up (in the form of this Jamaican guy I used to work with) and helps me out.
The scene changes again and this time I'm Frodo, and I've got the Ring, and it sucks cause I have to find a way to get it past Sauron and into Mordor to cast it into the fire. Luckily, I get a brilliant idea- I pretend Sauron is my Dad and get him committed to an Old Folks' Home. Does that ever piss him off! There he is, confined to a wheel chair in this carehome, the nurses and orderlies all around him. Everything they give him bursts into flame. He's just seething, he's so mad. Now with him out of the way like that, I am free to go to Mount Doom and do my thing. Except, it gets out that Sauron is my Dad (supposedly) and a live action Nelson Muntz comes and beats me up because of it. That's pretty much how the dream ends, with a feeling of profound sorrow that the very people I was trying to save were beating me up and hating me. And I couldn't tell them the truth, cause then they would have to let Sauron out.

Anyways, I'm sure Tolkien would probably spin in his grave if he saw that. Or else be grateful that he had lived a long and satisfying life and got to leave before he had to put up with all the crazies telling him how they had figured out a way that he could rewrite LOTR to make it way better -"It's about a talking pie that goes back in time for some reason . . ."
"Oh yeah, and you need to mention poo more often."

Don't Wake Daddy always reminds me of being in Ottawa on my hitch-hiking trip, listening to that song on my walkman (a walkman is a device that plays cassette tapes, which are tightly wound cartridges containing little strips of magnetic tape that have the ability to play music) while walking across a bridge spanning the Rideau Canal. I was heading to the MEC to buy a butane cannister for my stove. Funny how songs can often remind you of a very specific time and place, eh? Now I admit, that isn't much of a story, but it gives me an excuse to mention the House of Commons, Canada's seat of government, where all our pooliticians get together and debate matters of poolicy. They are mostly full of poo. Mostly.

A neat little side note to add to that Nirvana/Poo Fighters/Queens of the Stone Age post from a few days ago- Cobain is also mentioned in Innocent by Our Lady Peace, which also happens to be in the Top Ten at the Bear. Weird, eh? Not that songs that mention Kurt Cobain are unusual- the Chilis mention him in Californication, Neil Young wrote a tribute to him soon after his passing (Sleeps With Angels), and probably a bunch more too. But my favorite, for its pooeticness, is the Tragically Hip’s Don’t Wake Daddy-
“Sled Dogs after dinner close their eyes on their howlin' ways
Kurt cobain, reincarnated, sighs and licks his face
Then they drift past strips of Seregeneti and the gates of sleepy hollow too
You can pause and wonder they pause and wonder yeah I pause and wonder too”

Here is a submission Alex sent in a while ago. I'm not sure whether to promote him or demote him.

I was supervising chroes to be done at my work. A kid came out of the washroom saying that he refuses to clean a toilet because it is plugged. Another kid then popped out of the washroom saying there was a big poo in the toilet and tried to show the circumference of the poo with his hands. So the toilet was plugged so I said I would have a look and show the kids how to unplug a toilet. Upon my discovery I saw what the problem was. The poo was so big that it was stuck in the hole in the toilet. One would think that it would break up. That's not the case. I tired to break it up with the toilet brush only to jam it furhter into the hole. Fortunetly the plunger helped the poo to slide down. I've never seen a poo get stuck in the toilet before. That's because I have never seen a poo thick enough to get stuck and this stuff was so compact it wouldn't break up. Another poo story provided by Alex.

So I was listening to the Bear last night (what else would Homie Bear listen to?), and I noticed a rather unusual phenomenon. Dave Grohl has three songs in the Top Ten at Ten, with three different bands! This must be some sort of record. The songs were "You Know You're Right" by Nirvana (a fine tune, by the way), the almost contradictory "No One Knows" by Queens of the Stone Age, and the new single by Grohl's own band, the Poo Fighters, "All My Life". For this Sonical Hat Trick, I give Mr. Grohl The Lady Pooyng Trophy, given for gentlemanly conduct while holding three songs in the top ten simultaneously.

Oh no! Esks lost. This makes me feel like poo. And the food I had at the Grey Cup Breakfast yesterday morning had me puking all night, which is like pooking, but much worse.
Anyways, I have found this scientific survey that I encourage all you poopieheads to fill out:
www.griot.net/house/toilet/survey.htm
Sorry, I tried to make that a hotlink, but all I did was wreck my blog, so you will just have to cut and paste. I need to learn a bit more about poogramming.

Oh yeah, for the following piece of Delving and Penetrating Journalism, I hereby award myself a Poollitzer Prize.

The Eskimos are in the Grey Cup, and all over town this week the important prediction has not been who will win the game (everyone already knoews it will be the Eskimos), but what the weather will be like on Game Day. And it's actually been quite warm the last few days. Not quite Mexico warm, but pretty good for Edmonton in November.
The last time Edmonton hosted a Grey Cup, in 1997, I was on my Cross-Canada hitch-hiking trip.
Once, I was heading for Fredericton from Halifax. This was around October 21 or so. My first ride came quickly enough, which surprised me since I had a hard time IN Nova Scotia. Plus there had just been a couple of prisoners escape frm the Cape Breton Penitentiary, and one of them looked a little like me. Anyways, this guy asked me right away where I was from.
"Edmonton," I said.
"ESKIMOS!!!!!" he yelled.
"ESKIMOS!!!" I yelled back. When you hitch-hike, you have to have the ability to adapt quickly to any situation. This situation was agreeable enough- I had just been picked up by the Maritimes' biggest CFL fan.
"You like the Eskimos?" he asked.
"I sure do!"
"Yeah the CFL rules, eh?"
"Yup."
"The NFL is for shit, right?"
"Yup." Well, I actually don't mind the NFL, but it does pale compared to the Mighty CFL. One might say the NFL is Poo-tball compared to the Canadian game.
"Yeah. Hey man, you think the Esks will get to the Grey Cup?"
"Of course they will!" They didn't.
"That will be the best Grey Cup ever! The Esks playing for the Cup at home in the Commonwealth!" He was right, just five years early.
"Yeah, I kind of wish I could be there, but I'll still be hitch-hiking."
"Oh man, you should go to it. Hey! Maybe I should go!"
"You should! It'll be the best Grey Cup ever!" Enthusiasm is so infectious.
"I will!"
"Cool!"
"Oh wait." All of a sudden the bubble burst.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I got a little guy, he's only four. It will probably be too cold for him."
"Oh well. You can always watch it on TV."
"Unless . . . what do you think the temperature will be?"
"Uhh . . ." I decided I'd better try and explain some basic meteorological principles to him- namely that it is impossible to predict the weather a month in advance. "It could be anywhere from plus ten to minus ten, maybe even minus twenty in Edmonton in November."
"No, man, I need to know. I can't have my little guy sitting there if it's too cold. Are you sure you don't know?"
"I wish I did, but I just don't. No one does."
And for the next ten minutes we had the same conversation over and over- him trying to get me to commit to a Grey Cup weather prediction, me trying to convince him that I couldn't do that. IN the meantime, I missed my stop. Like I said, you have to pretty adaptable.
"See, I can get the time off and book a couple of tickets no problem, i could do it today. But I need to know what the temperature will be. What do you think it will be?"
"Minus ten degrees." I said, firmly.
"Oh man, are you sure?"
"Yup."
"Oh that's great man, thanks. I can dress my little guy up nice and warm. He'll love it, right? Best Grey Cup ever, right?"
"Yup."
Anyways, the rest of the ride went smoothly. We decided that Halifax needed an expansion team. We even named it, though I can't quite remember what we called it. Something with black in it- The Black Schooners or something like that. The Black Bluenoses maybe. I don't know. I eventually made it to Fredericton, and hopefully my new friend (he said his name was Spider) made it to the Grey Cup. Actually, I hope he skipped it, and that he'll be there this year for the best Grey Cup ever. The weather report calls for it to be a nice and toasty 3 degrees.

I have no idea why, but for some reason this original Poo page is what shows up now. To read new poosts, I guess you have to click the archives for the current month, off to the left there.

Here I am in Mexico. Astonishingly, I have not yet been stricken with Montezuma's Revenge.
Maybe my stomach has finally adjusted to the years of abuse I subject it to. But I want to grant
this little village (called Comoapan) where I am staying Pooeblo of the Year Award. Pooeblo is
Spanish for little village, for those of you in linguistic limbo.
Comoapan is a sleepy little town in a sleepy little county in a sleepy little state in Mexico, and
it's where my sister lives, and where my Mom is from. So props (oops I mean poops) to Comoapan.

Just got back from the Eskimos game- we won 27-21. But that's not all! Me and Tom were up singing the Eskimos fight song
and I was doing my usual amazing rendition when Tom noticed we were on the big TV screen they have! Yay!
And I was wearing this killer pooncho, so it was triply cool. For this Bold and Inspiring Achievement I hereby promote myself to
Empooror!!!

Plus, Tom gets a Super Pooper award for telling such an amazing poo-related story in the course of his sermon at Shine today.
Which reminds me of my own Heroic Poo-related reference duiring my last sermon at Shine. Truly I am a Poo Pioneer.

A great pooker night last night. Classic. We debuted three brand new games- Lithuanian Limbo, Black Market and Mafia. What great games,
even if I got a little burnt at Mafia for not totally being on the ball. I was still up at the end of the night, though, so all is well.

Anyways, when I proudly announced to the table that I made a Poo Blog, Steve immediately asked, "In the backyard?"
And then Cal said he had a poo blog of his own a couple weeks ago, when he couldn't go for a couple of days.
So after I explained what a blog is, they all expressed amazement and awe. And then Cal asked how many hits I get, to which I responded I don't know.
Then he said they shouldn't be called hits for a poo blog, they should be called wipes!
For this Legendary and Daring Insight I hereby award Cal the title of Super Pooper, First Class!

It's pooker night tonight. Heehee.

OK, already there is a submission for a Poono, from Alex. He is well acquainted with all things poo, and he sent me this:

Sometimes my cat gets poo stuck to his fur. This can be troublesome sometimes.
One day I woke up and went up the stairs to do a poo of my own and there at the top of the stairs was a poo streak the length of my arm.
Turns out there was a poo stuck on my cat and the only way to get it off was to drag his bum across the carpet and he applied a lot of
pressure to get the poo off.

For this I will give him Poo Bear status.

Introducing the Poono awards! These will be given out for displaying excellence in the field of pooing.
Actually, I will just arbitrarily give them out to whoever I feel like. First, I hereby award myself the
Grand Poombah.

OK OK, there is far more to life than just pooing. I was just practicing. But I will have more poo updates as warranted, though.
In the meantime, congratulations to Cory and Lauren, who are expecting! Babies are great. Plus they poo a lot, too.

A big happy 9th anniversary to Rowan and Jason.
Only one more year and we'll all be able to poo in our own toilets.
Or the woods, wherever.

The three of us will be celebrating tonight, even though Jay is in Costa Rica.
Rowan is coming over here and then we will hook up with Jay via Messenger.
I tried to buy a Costa Rican cigar in honor of Jason's locale, but the closest I could get was Dominican.

We have a no pooing rule in effect at our house today.
Some people are working on the sewers outside and have requested that we not use any water.
Luckily there's some woods just outside . . .

Speaking of poo, it sure is nice to be winning my hockeypoo. Currently I am in first place with 98 points.
Followed by Cal with 94. Alex is in last with 81. He is EMP- Eating My Poo.

A bear was sitting on a log in the woods, having a poo.
Along came a rabbit, who sat down at the log next to the bear, to poo too.
The bear says to the rabbit, "Don't you hate it when poo sticks to your fur?"
"Poo never sticks to my fur," replies the rabbit.
"Really . . ." says the bear.
Then the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his bum.