How To Buy An Engagement Ring

As I recently learned, buying a diamond ring is no easy task, even for someone like myself who has a degree in geology. Knowing about kimberlite pipes and all that is of no help when choosing the gem that will symbolize your love for and commitment to the woman you love. You need to know about the four 'C's, which are Color, Cut, umm, Caratness and . . . cuality? Craftmanship? Cookie monster? I'm not really sure, so you can see where I might have been in over my head. I kind of shuffled in to the jeweller and tried to pretend I knew what I was talking about.
"Can I help you, sir?" the kindly jeweler asked.
"Yes, I'm looking for a diamond, you know, something with lots of carats and colors."
"Very good sir. You might be interested in this one, which is a little over 1 carat and has outstanding clarity."
"Oh yeah, that one's nice," I say, surreptitiously glancing at the price tag. Whoa! It's a little high- might as well buy a diamond mine and dig your own for that price. "What about that one over there?"
And so he showed me a series of stones, each one with its own qualities, good and bad, but none with that elusive, indefinable "This is the one-ness". Ever patient, the jeweller showed me yet another.
"You might be interested in this one; it was mined here in Canada and has the trademarked polar bear emblem laser-etched on its surface."
"It has a polar bear on it? Really? Let me see!"
"Of course, you can't actually see the polar bear as it is microscopic; it is merely there as an assurance of quality."
"But you're saying this one has a polar bear on it, though, right? No fooling?"
"No fooling."
"I'll take it."
"Very good, sir."