I got my slab of Walking Dead in the mail the other day. Seriously, it's heavier than a bible- it has 48 issues worth of lumbering zombie goodness. Which made me think, what would be the Ten Commandments of the Zombible? The first is obvious:
1. Thou shalt eat brains
but after that, there's not too much else zombies need to worry about. Learn to dance, that's about it.

So I've been trying to work my way through Pride and Prejudice and Zombies for our book club. Yes, I'm in a book club but really it is a drinking club with bookish discussions and Wii Bowling thrown in. Anyways. Having a minor in English I can tell you I adore Jane Austen in theory without actually liking any of her books. It's okay to not be into something and still recognize its brilliance. Not my thing.
Zombies are my thing, however. One of my things, anyways. Remember when Homie Bear met the zombear? Or the Cadaverous Cattle? Yup. So I thought P&P&Z would be pretty much a lot of fun. Only it's not. The zombies are mildly amusing but I can't help thinking about all the stories we wrote in grade 5 and 6 where we basically did the same thing only with aliens and spaceships.
I am thoroughly enjoying Season 1 of Deadwood, though. And not even any zombies in it!

Some of my deviantArt acquaintances have been doing zombie Star Wars art for Halloween, the full gallery has been posted at Star Wars' Official Flickr page. My favorite is Grant Gould's, who posts more about it at his own blog.
As for us, we are going on a Halloweenish date tonight, to see Marty Chan's The Bone House.

OKay I know I sorta promised but the truth of the matter is that I have nothing- at least as far as hockey/mining analogies that aren't totally dumb. Though it would be fun to play some sort of hockey type of game with the heavy equipment. So on to something else.
Next week we will be going to the Calgary Comics Expo! The last comic con I went to was in 1989, I think, shortly after I moved to Edmonton. Todd McFarlane and Stan Lee were there! But I don't really remember that much about it. Hopefully this one will be more memorable. A lot has changed in 20 years. One interesting trend lately has been "covering" covers. In the same way musicians will cover favorite songs, artists who grew up on comics are covering their favorite covers. Incredible Hulk #340 is one of the classic covers of all time, and there have been a few takes on it, including some zombified versions. Here is the original, and then the zombie version that appeared in Marvel Zombies:


Personally I like Josh Medors' zombied-up version:



Shaun Ward has been doing a series of classic covers, including Hulk 340 and Spider-Man #1 (both McFarlanes):



And House of Duck posted 12 covers that he hopes to cover in his own cartoon style, so far he has one. You can do it!

I picked up this Marvel Zombies comic for my friend Craig and of course I read it before I gave it to him. What a great idea right? Take the Hulk and Wolvie and Spidey and all those guys and turn 'em into zombies!
But, I thought it was kinda silly. They weren't really zombies in the mindless sense- they kept talking about how awful it was that they had to feast on human flesh now but at least human flesh is so delicious! It had a funny ending though, much more satisfying than the ending to Fantastic Four 2, which was a movie that could have used waaaay more zombies.
All the cover homages were cool, though, like the one above which gives tribute to this classic McFarlane cover one of my favorites of all time.

I often think life would be so much easier if I could draw worth a damn. When I saw Lerms' fake movie poster for Attack of the Viking Zombie Babies I wanted to do something similar. And throw in some White/Rob Zombie goodness to boot. Basically, I wanted to make a Sideshowmonkey video (he did Rob Zombie's American Witch and Lords of Salem videos, among others). But I am not Hartman, I am Homie Bear, so instead I give you

Astro-Creep VS The Space Pumpkin

Streaking past the Oort Cloud in his '65 ThunderJeep
The undead dude with an attitude, the bastard called Astro-Creep
Comes flying past the Harvest Moon, screaming and careening
to reap a crop of little kids who go out Hallowe'ening
Ground up bones and pureed guts and sludge blood laced with sucrose-
the ghoulish fuel Astro-creep needs to terrorize the cosmos
But on Olympus Mons a red light turns on
threat detected by Trick-R-Treat-O-Tron
The Space Pumpkin leaps up, he knows the drill
He grins at the thought of a mutant to kill
He blasts off from Mars and heads for the stars
With his jetpack he's faster than a hundred squad cars
He jumps out in front of Astro-Creep's path
and launches an arsenal with a maniacal laugh
Solar spiders and asteroid bats rocket through the ether
Exploding on the ThunderJeep, above and underneath her
But Astro-Creep was far from beat, though he lost his cool
He shoots back nano-slime, laser snot and even robo-drool
Down below costumed kids see aurora borealis
Unaware 'twere an omen of freakyzoidal malice
But the Space Pumpkin was on it, he pulled out some tricks
With Vakuumquats and Saturn Squash and a whole gourdal mix
Orangish melons smash and micronovae explode
Greenish ones burst open and black holes implode
Astro-Creep was forced to retreat and knew for the first time fear
but with skull sockets blazing he swore revenge for next year
The Space Pumpkin laughed and said you can try
I'll use your brains to make space pumpkin pie
The children below are NOT yours to eat
Their souls are mine, they're MY trick or treat!

Astro-Creep, of course, is in reference to Astro-Creep 2000 and the song More Human Than Human. Did you know that song is very loosely about Blade Runner? That's where the title comes from.
Anyways, Happy Hallowe'en! For more Hallowy goodness, click on the halloween tag below. And my new blogbear, which is me dressed up as a panda, and offers a respite from the unremitting horror of my poetry, was done for me by Madison, aka Heartsmackingboombox.

My sister had her neurosurgery and is recovering well. She was sent home today, actually. We visited her yesterday and she looked great. The incision in her skull was pretty cool looking, with all the staples and stuff, and surprisingly long. I thought she kind of looked like one of Saruman's orcs but I decided to keep that observation to myself- I would take it as an immense compliment but she doesn't always see things the same way I do. She told some funny stories about being high on codeine, asking her nurse to hand her the Wiimote so she could turn off her drooling.
Anyways, I thought I would write her a little story to cheer her up:

Zach woke up feeling confused and disoriented. There was a septic smell, and he realized he was in a hospital. He sat up in alarm. Nightmarish, incoherent images flitted through his mind- but the only thing he clearly remembered was the ambulance. Pushing these thoughts aside, he took stock of his body. Three fingers on his right hand were missing, and he was pretty sure they had been there before. His head was wrapped in a big bandage, like a mummy. Perhaps most alarming of all, there was a very large discolored patch on his left leg.
A nurse came into the room. "You're awake!" she said. "How are you feeling?"
"What happened to me?" Zach asked.
"You had a very close call but you're going to be alright."
"Okay, but, what happened?"
The nurse stopped fiddling with his EKG and IV drip, and looked at Zach. "It's best if your doctor tells you directly. He's on the floor right now doing rounds so he should be here soon." She smiled at him. She had a nice smile, gentle and pleasingly assymetrical. Zach found her attractive and decided to trust her.
A distinguished looking gentleman entered the room. The nurse introduced him. "Zach, this is your physician, Dr. Moon."
"Hello Zach," Dr. Moon said.
"Doctor. Can you please just say what happened to me?" Zach didn't fail to notice the quick glance Dr. Moon exchanged with the nurse, whose name Zach realized he didn't know. She coughed and excused herself, and Zach wanted to call out and ask her her name. Anything to get her to stay. But he said nothing.
"Zach, you had a very close call, but you were lucky. I believe you will make a full recovery. Undoubtedly you've noticed your missing fingers- I had to cut them off. It seemed the best option. With your leg, we felt we could save it with some aggressive treatment, and it seems to be responding well. The vitasticizing regions are shrinking, and the Streptococcus pyogenes we applied are stabilizing the affected area nicely."
"Vitastisizing . . . I don't even . . . why won't anyone just tell me what happened?"
Dr. Moon sighed. Finally he said, "Alright. This will be hard for you to believe. Zach, you were exposed to a consecrated substance. Holy water. You were attacked by nuns."
"Nuns? That's ridiculous! There's no such thing as nuns. You're just messing with me, right?"
"I'm afraid not. A whole convent of nuns attacked Deadmonton yesterday in full daylight. They managed to resurrect and convert several zombies and vampires before they were contained. Your grave was one of the ones exhumed, but we were able to save you."
Zach tried to absorb this crazy news. His defingered hand went up to his brow, and touched the bandage there. "What about this, then? Why did you operate on my brain?"
"A CAT scan showed some activity in your cerebral cortex. We think you were exposed to a crucifix. We decided to lobotomize it to be safe. We saved some grey matter for you if you like, sometimes our patients like to celebrate their recovery by snacking on their brains."
Zach nodded, the enormity of the news still not totally sinking in. Brain snacks seemed like a minor matter compared to everything else he had learned. He looked down at the skin-colored portion of his leg, in such stark contrast with the greenish hue of the rest of his body. It was probably just his imagination, but it seemed like he could almost see the flesh-eating bacteria munching away. A beep sounded from across the room, and Dr. Moon excused himself to check on the other patient in the room. For the first time, Zach realized he wasn't alone. The zombie in the other bed looked to be in even better shape than he was, the poor bastard. His EKG beeped again. A third time.
Dr. Moon erupted into action, pressing the alarm button to call for help. "Code Blue! We have a heartbeat in 313."
In the flurry of activity, Zach took comfort in his own heart-rate monitor, which showed a nice, comforting flat line. In a world with nuns running around bringing zombies back to life, Zach was just happy to be undead.
THE END

Anyways, in keeping with the zombie theme, here is a zombear I asked a Deviant named FunkYeti to make for me. You might remember my Homie Bear poem, Lair of the Zombear. So there you see the Zombear in all his horror.

*Sigh* I was hurt at work again today. Nothing too serious, though it feels bad, and it looks, well, actually kinda cool. I was hit in the face by a big metal pothead. A pothead in mining terminology has nothing to do with Cheech-and-Chong-like-shenanigans, it is the metal collar that connects power cables to each other or to equipment. They're big, heavy and hurt like hell when they come flying up out of a pickup truck and smash you in the face.
So, my cheek, temple, nose, jaw and teeth all hurt, and there's a goodly bruise right below my sideburn, as well as other cuts on my nose and temple. It hurts to eat. Doctor said nothing was broke or seriously damaged. On the plus side I got to come home a little early.
I'd take a picture and post it but I don't have my USB cable for my camera here. So instead you can use your imagination and come up with WAAAAAY better visuals than the truth anyways. Imagine I'm a zombie with one eye! And no teeth! Yeah! And green brains oozing out of my temple. You know, because I was smashed in the face with a giant metal Tommy Chong robot.

In honor of Rob Zombie's new CD and zombies in general, Homie Bear proudly presents :

Lair of the ZomBear

Deep in the Woods, where it's all overgrown
There lurks a menace, unseen and unknown
Rotting flesh comes together in hideous dread
An army arises of animal undead!
Poor Homie Bear is fishing, quite unaware
That he's stumbled on the lair of the Fell Zombie Bear
"Grurp" Homie belched, as he spit out the bones
of the trout he had caught, into the pine cones
So he turned around and went back to fishing
Not hearing the bones make sounds of gut-squishing
The zombie fish pounced and Homie Bear yelped
As zombie fish scales smeared all over his pelt
Gross! Homie yelled as his paws made a splat
Crushing the zombie's putrid corpse flat
But Homie's ordeal wasn't over, as from the forest lurched
Zombie bees, zombie beavers, zombie birds, zombie birch
"Eeewww!" Homie said, "It's a whole zombie zoo
"Zombie elk, zombie rabbits, even zombie poo!"
"Brains!" the zombies groaned, "We eat you brains!
"We suck you guts and you blood from you veins!"
"No!" Homie said, "Anyone else you might scare
"But I am a big, bad, burly old bear!"
So Homie attacked, and zombie flesh flew
He killed 'em all (except for the poo)
But the King of the Zombies, the dread Zombie Bear
Emerged, dripping flesh, from his cavernous lair
"Rarrgh," roared the Zombear, and Homie's heart sank
Not only was it scary but the ugly thing stank!
But it was skeletally slow and not very smart
(It had eaten its own brain as well as its heart!)
So, bolder than a boulder and twice as brave
Homie lured the Zombear back into his cave
Simple and easy, like the best kind of traps
Homie kicked in a pillar and caused a collapse
The Zombear was buried in a pile of debris
And Homie went home, for another day free
But the Zombear was an undead corpse re-animation
And under them rocks he was just in snug hibernation!

New Rob Zombie! Yay! That's always good news. Especially when the guitarist is John 5. I love it, especially the atmospheric intro song, Sawdust in the Blood. Remember my ultimate Zombie fambly playlist? There are many worthy songs from Educated Horses to add to the list. And this is a great song that should be on there too.
Zombie!
Oops- the disc keeps switching over to Beethoven. Nothing like the soothing melody of the Pastorale to jolt you out of Zombieland!

After six nightshifts you might think I have turned into a zombie, and you would be correct. That's why I have reanimated my corpse with an all-Zombie playlist which I share with you here:

1. Start off with the monster track of all Zombietunes- More Human Than Human. Arrgh my disc is scratched, but the skips sorta sound like a cool remix, so it's okay I guess. I am the astro-cr-cr-cr-creep!
2. Move back in time a bit for some Thunder Kiss '65. Yeah!
3. Though Rob has had a pretty good solo career, with Dragula and Living Dead Girl and appearing on pretty much every comic book movie soundtrack for the past 7 years, I think his cover of Blitzkrieg Bop is the best thing he has done post-White. ZombieRamones!
4. But come to think of it I haven't heard Dragula for a while so throw that on, too!
5. Rob's brother Spider fronts Powerman 5000 and everybody loves Nobody's Real.
6. You probably know that Scum of the Earth are part of the Zombie universe, since it features members of both Zombie and Powerman, and Get Your Dead On actually helps you get your dead off, and wakes you right up!
7. Finally, make up your own song about zombie bears and send it to me! Mine goes like this:

Zombie bears! Yeah! Zombie! Bears! Yeah!

(I've been awake since yesterday, so that is the best I can do as a just-recently reanimated zombie corpse)

Duendes Everywhere I Turn!
If my sister ever comes back here, I would tell her about a place I learned about just now from Outside magazine called Duende Vista. It's just a little surfing resort near Puerto Vallarta, but the name certainly caught my eye. Duende= zombie. If anyone (anyone at all, I'm not pointing directly at anyone here) wanted to know a little more about duendes, they might try here, which is something my sister wrote on the subject once.