Bear Wars Epoosode 1

Homie Bear examined his hybrid time machine/spaceship with satisfaction. The Horribilis was mostly made out of logs, though its electronics, tires and wheel motors were all parts he had stolen from a nearby coal mine. It didn't look like much, but Homie thought it would make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs. Well, maybe thirteen, but since parsecs were units of distance rather than time, it didn't really matter, as long as it sounded good.
Climbing into the cockpit, Homie donned his crash helmet and set the navicomputer for "a long time ago and a galaxy far, far away". Before long he was looking out at the gigantic grey sphere of the Death Star. He landed in Parking Lot 22A and ventured into the bowels of the gargantuan battle station. Soon he had plastered the walls with the poster he had made after that little robot had come up to him and played a strange hologram message the other day while he was fishing:

Missing
One Alderaanian Princess
Last Seen on Death Star
Reward: Your share of More Than You Can Imagine
Contact homiebear@pooinginthewoods.com

His job done, Homie headed back to the Horribilis, stopping only long enough to poo in the tractor beam room, which had conveniently deep plumbing. His parking paid for, he blasted off. There seemed to be an unusual amount of traffic around the Death Star, and Homie was surprised by how vehement some of the space rage seemed to be. One ship, a funny looking round pod with two wings bent into three panels each, was spinning wildly out of control and came within inches of hitting the Horribilis. Homie flipped his middle claw at the stupid sithhead and hustled out of there. Just as he was about to go to hyperspace, he looked in his rearview mirror and saw the Death Star blow up. "Awww!" Homie said out loud. "So much for my posters."
But just then his computer chimed- he had mail.

From: stoopytroopy08@empirenet.net
Subject: Alderaani@n Princess
Cc: bfett@slave1.org
The princess has been seen on Hoth. Watch out for wampas! xorz!!!! If you find her I want my share of the reward. Oops gotta go, there's a red alert. Probably more mynocks on the superlaser power cables again. LOL! ^.^

Homie Bear set a course for the Hoth System.


Tune in tomorrow for Epoosode 2!