Bear Wars Epoosode 2

Ambush! As Homie Bear came out of hyperspace a scarred and battleworn ship immediately started firing lasers at him.
"Hey!" yelled Homie on his two-way radio. "Stop that!"
"This is the Slave 1. You must exit this star system immediately or be destroyed."
Homie Bear had no intention of running away, so he dropped some firewood as chaff. But it didn't fool whoever was behind the controls of the funny-looking ship. So he tried a different strategy. Clearing his throat, he keyed his mic once again.
"Slave 1, this is the, uh, Emperor. Um, we need your help to, you know, hunt some bounties and stuff, so . . . could you rendezvous with us over in that asteroid field over there please?"
The Slave 1 changed course almost immediately. It delayed just long enough to fire a seismic charge at the Horribilis. Homie took evasive maneuvers but just then he lost propel ("Damn electricians," he muttered) and the charge's blast grazed his ship. The explosion sent him plummeting to the icy planet below.
Staggering away from his burning ship, Homie soon succumbed to the cold and his injuries. He collapsed on a snow bank, resisting the urge to go into a state of perfect hibernation, deliriously calling out to his old friend the vampirenomad who would surely fetch him a medic. "Been!" he called. "Been!"
A blue apparition appeared, and said, "Luke! You must go to the Dagobah system!"
"Been?" Homie called.
"Ben, Luke. It's pronounced Ben. You must go to the Dagobah system, Luke, and seek out Yoda."
"But I'm not Luke, I'm Homie Bear. And I'm not seeking Yoda, I'm seeking the Alderaanian princess."
"Oh, my bad. She's over there, at the secret rebel base." The apparition pointed to the horizon and faded away. After a while Homie smelled an odd, distasteful lizardy odor. He tracked the scent and came across a dead four-nostrilled, bipedal, bighorn ram thing whose guts had fallen out of it for no apparent reason. Desperate, he scavenged the remains and regained a measure of strength. "Eww. I thought they smelled bad on the outside, but they taste even worse on the inside." Homie made sure to keep his eyes out for yellow snow and other surprises- he certainly didn't want to step into any poo made by that foul creature!
The beleaguered grizzly headed off in the direction of the secret rebel base. But before he could get there, a gigantic white creature, resembling an albino Sully from Monsters Inc, reared up from the snow with a mighty bellow. Homie sighed, reared up on his hind legs, and engaged the creature in paw-to-paw combat. They grappled. They wrestled. Claws slashed and teeth bit, and they both roared and snarled, but Homie's heart wasn't really in it. It had been a long day. He settled for biting off one of the creature's arms, sending it whimpering away to its cave. For a moment Homie thought he was seeing double, since it looked like there were two one-armed wampas, but he shook his head and turned away. He growled at the insectoid robot with all the bulbous eyelenses that had watched the fight, and it retracted an antenna and floated away.
"Bloody National Geographic photographers. Bet I never get any royalties. Wonder if I'll make the cover again?"




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