Everyone say happy birthday to my girlfriend Michelle! We went and saw Emm Gryner and friends play at the Sidetrack tonight and it was amazing. Besides Emm (make sure you spell it right with an extra M in Em. heh) there were five other singer/songwriters, none of whom I had heard of, but all were excellent. Maybe one weak link but I won't single him out. They were touring as the Bluebird North Tour, and they were arrayed panel style, each performing a song in turn, though often helping the others out.
We went because I had read an interview with Emm last week and it mentioned that she recorded a disc of metal/punk/heavier songs accoustically and called it Girl Versions, though I was unable to track the disc down in town (I got her new one instead which is really good). I decided it would be cool to go to the show, not knowing there were five others sharing the bill. One guy, Andy Kim, was well known with the older patrons, and when they played that Sugar, Sugar (Candy Girl?) song we realized why. And another guy played a couple of fun songs- one about the Monster Mash, which was kind of clever and insightful (the point being, he might have been a one hit wonder but at least that guy had a hit) and The Last of the Red Hot Fools.
So it was a great night, much different than we expected, but all the better for it.
Almost makes up for missing out on Slipknot a couple of weeks ago. Make sure you say to Michelle Happy Birthday! It's actually Friday, and I am a bad bearfriend because I have to miss it since I will be working.

"What did you guys do with the lake that was here?" asked Lord Chamberlain Vivvle, with a fair amount of astonishment, alarm and anger in his voice as he looked down into the huge gaping chasm that had been a beautiful pristine lake just yesterday.
"You said we could use it for the moat," said the foreman, or rather, foreorc, pointing towards the construction site, where two frost giants had placed the lake, along with its foundation, off to the side to await completion of the moat. The giants had frozen the lake to prevent it from sloshing while they moved it, and now they watched lazily as two iron-jawed dragons excavated the moat with their mighty mouths.
Vivvle stomped his steel-toed boots and threw his hardhat on the ground. "I meant you could use some of the water to fill the moat, not rip the lake off its hinges and pour it all in! Put it back immediately!"
The foreorc, whose name Vivvle could never remember, said, "Well, alright, but it will have to wait till tomorrow now- Gront and Biphk are going home- they already put in a couple hours overtime moving the lake over there. Had some problems with the feeder creeks. Got it all sorted out now, but I guess that doesn't matter . . ."
Inwardly, Vivvle rolled his eyes. For the millionth time he wished he had heeded his predecessor's advice about always hiring the second cheapest bidder. Monster Construction worked cheap enough- preferring livestock and land concessions (as long as there were villages to plunder) to gold, but they needed close supervision. Stooping down, he picked up his hardhat, which he thought was stupid and made him look like one of the king's soldiers rather than the Lord Chamberlain, especially combined with all the other safety gear he had to wear to tour the construction site- steel-toed boots and safety gauntlets. Worst of all were the strips of phosphorescent moss he wore as a safety vest-the Occupational Safety demons brought them up from their subterranean lairs, but didn't have to wear the stupid things themselves since they already glowed in the dark supernaturally.
He moved on to the actual castle lot, ignoring the hundreds of small fire-lizards busily welding support girders for the interior. The first of the stone trolls were just arriving on shift now, since the sun had set. Obviously the troll masons could only work the nightshift since they would be turned to stone themselves if they were exposed to the sun- and Vivvle had no desire to have a bunch of troll statues littering the king's new castlegrounds. All statuary was already subcontracted out to the faeries anyways- Vivvle would have liked to hire them to do the whole thing but they can't wear any iron safety gear.
Suddenly there was a commotion- one of the trolls had tripped and knocked another one down, and the two had started fighting. One was sent sprawling into some scaffolding, knocking it down. Vivvle's stomach lurched as the huge latticework teetered and began to fall- "Please don't knock down the wall please don't knock down the wall" he prayed . . . to no avail. Ogres and harpies scattered as the whole thing crashed to the ground. Vivvle was apoplectic. But the foreorc was already cussing out the trolls, firing the clumsier one on the spot, and so there was no one to vent his wrath upon. Deciding he had seen enough for the day, he asked one of the workorcs to fetch his chariot.
Vivvle had more than professional interest in making sure the project went smoothly- if the king failed to reutrn from his silly battles, Vivvle would get the castle, at least until the whiny brat prince came of age. Not that he was a treasonous fellow- just very pragmatic.
A workorc interrupted his musings to sheepishly inform him that one of the dragons had eaten his horses.
"Fine." Said Vivvle in a strained voice. "Just . . . get the castle done." And he turned and walked towards the village. He never got there, however, as Gront had realized he had forgotten his lunchbox and had come back to get it, and accidentally stepped on the Lord Chamberlain.

Some months later, when the king had returned from his campaigns abroad, he was absolutely delighted with the end product, which had been finished on time and under budget, and gave Monster Construction a healthy bonus. He did have one question, however, which he put to the foreorc.
"What did you guys do with the lake that was here?"



(This was inspired by a question I heard at work today, which became the first and last sentence of the story.)

According to my young friend (who is four or five years old) I was hanging out with at the Gathering last night, Spider-Man is not real.
"Yes he is!" I protested.
"No!"
"Yeah!"
"No! He's really a boy named Peter who just dresses as Spider-Man."

The other planets in our solar system are named after Roman gods, which is way cooler than some numbering system in Latin or German or something like that. There's something about those cold, aloof jewels spinning around out there in space that seems very regal and god-like. Jupiter, mightiest of the planets, is named for the god king. Venus, the goddess of love, gets a beautiful, bright, yet deadly planet in her honor, or maybe in her worship. And Mars, so aptly named with its blood-tinged hue after the god of war.
Then there's Titan. Saturn's largest moon has always fascinated me- just shy of being the biggest moon in the solar system, it's actually larger than Mercury or Pluto, and it's even colder than Edmonton. Titan was named after a whole class of god-like beings, the titans, who preceded the gods and warred with them. So, it's like having a bunch of goldfish named Dracula and Frankenstein and Casper and then having one just named Monster. Titan is the primeval archetype of bludgeoning brutality and power. He doesn't even need a proper name. Just titan. Cool.
You probably heard that Huygens landed on Titan and has been sending back the first pictures of its surface. Really cool.

I didn't really do any Top Ten lists this year, but for sure my favorite CD of last year was Slipknot Vol. III (The Subliminal Verses). One day in Wellington I thought I saw a Slipknot flyer on a lightpost across the street, so I crossed over to get a closer look, taking my life in my hands once again since I would invariably look the wrong way before crossing in NZ, especially when excited by the possibility that Slipknot might be playing in Wellington. Sadly, it was for some other band with a similar font. But in fact they ARE playing in New Zealand, next week at Auckland's Big Day Out, along with the Beasties (!!!) and System of a Down and lots of other great bands. Oh well. One day I'm sure, Slipknot will come here. Turns out that day is four days hence, or, more pertinent to me, four nights hence. Since I am going to go on night shifts tonight, that means I will be on my last shift on that momentous day, and once more it will be SlipNot for me.
Last night I had a dream that I was at the show, though there was only three of them there and they weren't wearing their masks (still best show ever!!!!) and in the middle of Vermillion Pt. II, a song I doubt they would play live, #0 was stopped in his tracks by a girl in the audience who was messing with his head, and she left for the parking lot and he went after her. Then he came back too torn up to continue, and I had to exhort him with his own lyrics- "I won't let this build up inside of me". I think he felt better after that. But if I had a mask on right now it would be of a sad face.
But ringwraiths can cheer me up, here's a picture I took last night in Mordor.

Today was the day I told my girlfriend I would be coming home from New Zealand, a blatant and deliberate lie, since obviously I came home a month ago. It was getting kind of tricky keeping the web of deciet going for a while there, a lesson that bears and people should just stick with being honest. At one point I had to convince Michelle that the reason I needed her to be home on the day I was actually returning had something to do with volunteering for the Department of Conservation (so I had to call her that day rather than the day I usually called her). "Oh really? That's cool- what is that about?"
"Uhh, you know . . . saving, like, the kiwis . . . or something . . ."
"Well, couldn't you call me the day before?"
"Oh, um, no, because . . . also . . . saving kiwis that day . . . "
Anyways, it all worked out and I am pleased to say that my lie went unpunished. At least by her. Maybe God will still have something to say.
No lying, everybody, okay?

Last week at work my Dad handed me a book and said, "Here, you'll like this one." Since a good book is worth ten times its weight in coal out at the mine (there's lots of coal, not so many books there) I thanked him, till I looked at the cover. It was sort of a "new old-timey" picture of a woman with flowing red hair, and the book was called Rose. Since guys will sometimes leave a romance novel sitting around, I thought my Dad was just joking so I tried to hand it back to him but he said, "No, really- it's about coal mining." Turns out he was right- your basic mystery novel, but set against the backdrop of an underground coal mine in England in the 1880s. Makes me glad that I am an open pit miner, though.
Speaking of underground miners, did you know that more than 5000 Chinese coal miners were killed on the job in 2004?

Happy New Year everybody. I'll be moving into my own little basement suite in the next couple of days, and for the first time since August I will have a home. Expect more regular updates once I gert settled in. But for now I have one more night shift to work for 2004.

Working 12 hour shifts (actually, we get paid for 12.66 now with our new, even more faraway pit, though we are away from home for more like 15 hours) doesn't give me much time to update. And when I do I am usually so tired from the 12.66 hours that I don't make much sense. And the coal mining life, as fascinating as it is, doesn't always make much sense to the non-miner. But maybe I will tell the odd story here and there to teach you guys the language.
Today I got to be a refugee, off on my own a bit. Sometimes I like to pretend I am actually a prisoner on a penal colony- an airless asteroid or moon somewhere. Where all our machinery are really big robots except for me. The minesite could certainly pass for an alien world- the stark black-and-white landscape, especially at night, really helps the illusion. But today I saw a decidedly terrestrian sight- a group of bighorns stampeding away from either a very large coyote or perhaps a wolf. The canine wasn't exactly chasing them, per se, being too smart for such a waste of energy, but was more testing the waters to see if there were any stragglers, as any good predator would. Luckily for the sheep, there weren't any today.

All the links and more- the goods from our trip to Malaysia and New Zealand.
Te Papa National Museum- the amazing national museum of New Zealand.
Weta Workshop- Didn't get to visit but I met someone who works there . . . Also, Weta's store.
WOW- only the Kiwis would combine classic cars and wearable art in one musuem, but the end result defies description, but it seriously one of the coolest museums ever.
Hobbiton- although they dismantled most of it, some of it is still there and it is a lot of fun. "As it was, as it is, sheep."
Awesome Adventures Dolphin Swim- the water is COLD but it is soooo worth it.
Milford Sound- one of the more beautiful places on Earth.
National Tattoo Museum of New Zealand- a good place to see beautiful artwork and maybe get some done on yourself.
The Film Archives- An amazing resource- every motion picture ever filmed in NZ, free for viewing. Sure you could watch LOTR, but there are many other great movies to see. Such as In My Father's Den.
Black Water Rafting in the Waitomo Glowworm Caves- good fun and worms with glowing poo!
Pelennor Fields filming location- just a tour of a field, but the guys who run it are great- they were either extras or drivers and have a lot of first-hand stories to tell.
Whale Watch Kaikoura- where you can see sperm whales.
New Zealand Herald- the best paper in NZ. The best team in NZ? The All Blacks.
Flora Bay Dive- the best dive school on the best island with the best resort attached.
There are way more but that is all I can think of for now.

A conversation I heard today on the bus at the mine, between a guy who had been laid off and one who hadn't.
"So what's changed?"
"Lots of things. Things change on an hourly basis out here."
"That hasn't changed."
"Nope."

I don't think the Honda Civic was ever really designed with snowplow functionality in mind, but Little Green Jellybean came through for me today yet again. Though LGJ looked more like a mobile igloo than a jellybean. Or a car. I think I need to add another stanza to my ode. Who needs caffeine when you can just drive through a blizzard at 6AM in the middle of nowhere? A couple of times I had to stop and clear snow from my headlights and tires, which were under about ten inches of unplowed snow. Crazy. But amazingly I didn't get stuck or even slide, and I to top it off I wasn't late for work. Work is good- some things have changed, but the job is still the same- driving haul trucks is like riding a bike, you don't really forget. I was even reunited with my old truck 31 today.
On a totally different note, I just want to express my sadness and dismay over the senseless murder of Dimebag Darrell and three others.

Here is a sort of road map of all the places Wedge took us. Well, it was the best I could do in two minutes. All told we put about 6000 kms on Wedgie's odometer. Good ole Wedgie. I miss him. I finally got used to driving on the left and now it is weird to be back on the right- and all the snow and ice right now is just making it worse. Kind of scary.
The northernmost point is Paihia and the southest we got was called Bluff. All the inbetween places can be put under the umbrella name of Middle-earth.

As Samwise Gamgee says at the end of LOTR, "Well, I'm back."
Just in time for the deepfreeze, ole Homie came home. It was a pretty great trip, and even though I cut it short, I can honestly say I have no regrets- I went pretty much full-bore the whole time (though for me, scuba diving, whitewater rafting, going to a ballet and researching Maori mytholgy at a library are all equally exciting activities, so . . . ), ran out of money and decided to suprise my girlfriend by coming home for Christmas. gabrielle remains in Kiwiland and I look forward to hearing about the many adventures that are in store for her.
Oh yeah plus I got my old coal mining job back.
It's really cold here in Edmonton, though, and I'm really jet-lagged. But on the plus side I have discovered that spending time in the arms of the one I love is even better than abseiling into a 35 meter black abyss, which is saying a lot.

Auckland
Here is some sad news- more than 50 pilot whales died not far from here in the Coromandel area when they were beached for unknown reasons. A whole pod senselessly destroyed! Very, very sad. Here is the full story.

Otherwise, it's going alright here. It is strange to be approaching summer and Christmas at the same time- there are Christmas displays everywhere and they seem so out of place. NO snow! How can it be Christmas? There is a giant Santa just up the street towering over Queen Street. He is menacingly curling his pointer finger for some reason. Kind of creepy actually.

Well, we're in Wellington and all is well. I wish there were a wishing well where I could wish my sandals had fell.

Motueka
This internet cafe's terminals are all named after Simpsons characters- I'm at Abe, next to me is Santa's Little Helper and Monty Burns. They all have little bios, as well, possibly printed off the internet. Fun. Also there's a poster of kiwi birds, which is a little more common around here than back home. Kiwis themselves, however, are quite endangered, so I was quite happy to give a kiwi to save a kiwi at a bank.
Really close by is Abel Tasman National Park, so I hitched a ride over to Kaiteriteri, hoping to rent a sea kayak. instead I wound up on a sea shuttle, with the intent of being dropped off for a short hike, when we encountered a pod of orcas! So I stayed in the boat and we watched these incredible predators for a while. I tried getting pictures but all I got was a bunch of dorsal fins, they are tricky to catch when they just grab a quick breath and dive again.
Some interesting articles in the paper today- dolphins protect swimmers from shark, not far from where we swam with them, and (though I can't find a link for it) there was a big earthquake off the southwest coast yestedray morning- I didn't feel it but it was quite big. Luckily it didn't do any damage, but if its epicenter had been on land it could have been quite severe. Te Anau, where we were just a few days ago, reported some shaking.
Anyways, Grampa Simpson is shaking his cane at me so I guess that means I have to go.

Greymouth
I like glaciers. They are cool. You could probably even say I love glaciers. There are two on the west coast of the South Island of note, the Fox and the Franz Joseph. To be honest, they are not all that impressive compared to the glaciers of the Rockies or Alaska, but what makes them kind of unique to my experience is you drive through a coastal rainforest to get to them- with giant ferns looking just like palm trees. Since it was raining and muddy, gabrielle left me to my own devices to explore Fox, but gamely came with to see the bigger Franz Joseph. This is a big deal since gabrielle is mortally opposed to anything icy and cold. Whereas I am completely in my element, what with polar bear sensibilities and all. "Peter Jackson didn't use any glaciers in LOTR," she grumbled good-naturedly, illustrating yet another reason why she shouldn't be expected to explore these magnificent relics of a departed Age of Ice. "Yes he did," I replied. "Didn't he use these for the Shire? No? Well, I think he used time-lapse photography to record the flow of the glacier, and then digitally turned it red and used it for Mt Doom's lava." But she didn't buy it.

Dunedin
I guess life is not so bad when your biggest source of aggravation is not being able to see the new Star Wars trailer. Because I've tried. Some internet cafes have pretty ancient machines, and some, like this one here, seems thoroughly up-to-date and yet they don't have quicktime. Oh well. Luckily there is plenty to occupy my attention in the meantime. Since last I spoke to you I have seen penguins and orcs! And been sick. And survived a deluge- well, to be fair, it was more our intrepid campervan Wedge that survived the deluge . . . without much in the way of permanent damage. Wedge verily needs some sort of award, or reward, for putting up with a bear and a vampire for so long. Seriously.
Since we arbitrarily decided, with no proof whatsoever, that we saw a Narnian film crew the other day, I started reading The Silver Chair. I would like to share a quote from it with you, but don't think I am sending some sort of secret message about our morale. We're fine. This just made me laugh. Puddleglum is talking about adventures:

That's the spirit, Scrubb. That's the way to talk. Put a good face on it. But we all need to be very careful about our tempers, seeing all the hard times we shall have to go through together. Won't do to quarrel, you know. At any rate, don't begin it too soon. I know these expeditions usually end that way: knifing one another, I shouldn't wonder, before all's done. But the longer we can keep off it . . .

Christchurch
When you're having this much fun it's hard to blog! It's kind of the opposite problem of writer's block- there's so much to say where do you start? How about this: I saw whales! Yay! Not just any whales, sperm whales! Fourth biggest animal in the world. Largest of the toothed whales, deepest diver (that we know of- the elusive beaked whales may turn up some surprises if we ever see a living specimen)- just an impressive sight in general. Normally these whales live too far out from shore to be seen by commercial tours, but near Kaikoura there happens to be a 3000 foot deep trench which is an ideal habitat for the sperm whales' needs. To put that in perspective, I am certified to dive to 60 feet. So that was cool.
I learned a lot about whales and other things at Te Papa Tongarewa, Museum of New Zealand in Wellington. As far as museums go, Te Papa can stand alongside any that I've ever been to, including New York's American Museum of Natural History. As a bonus, it's free to get in! And for a different type of museum altogether, you can check out the National Tattoo Museum of New Zealand. Tattoos are a big part of Maori culture, with the beautiful moko facial tattoos recognizable the world over. You can stop in to see the art, and if you like, you can even get a tattoo to commemorate your trip to New Zealand. I did! And I made a handy little interactive description of it over at my flickr page.
Right now as you can see we're in Christchurch, which is a pretty nice city, though we can't stay for very long. Too much to do!


*Lest We Forget*