Edmonton's Poet Laureate, Alice Major, read a new poem the other night at the Mayor's Evening for the Arts. Although the text was reprinted in the Journal it isn't available online to non-subscribers. Too bad because it's a good one- about hockey and quantum physics. Just my kinda poem! Overtime is like a wave probability, and so is life, basically. EDIT- it can be found here! I love that Edmonton has a Poet Laureate. And, of course, the Oilers!

Lydia is celebrating her third bloggiversary, so you can head over there, say "happy blogday" and read the guest poost she asked me to write. (I think it is fair to say I can take at least partial credit for starting her on the blogwagon in the first place.) It's kind of about the Toronto transit system, and my experiences with same, written before that crazy havoc-wreaking strike they called yesterday with no warning. I sure hope they settled all that.

Did you hear they're making a Coraline movie? Teri Hatcher will voice Coraline's mother and other mother, and Coraline will be voiced by Dakota Fanning. I hope they stick to the Dave McKean visual style. Coraline was the first book Michelle and I ever read aloud to each other.
Neil Gaiman, of course, has written many fine children's books and has been blogging for a long time- he just met Sherman Alexie. That's cool, I like Alexie's stuff. Actually I have a short story anthology with both of them in it.

The last time the Oilers went to the Stanley Cup final, as everyone knows by now, was 1989-90. I was in grade 10. I mighta had some playoff peach fuzz, but I don't think it was anything to worry about. I'm a little hairier in this day and age (except for up top, maybe!) so I had a pretty good playoff beard going into last night's game- I shaved once between the Detroit and San Jose series, and only then because of my brother-in-law's wedding. And I shaved today, since the Oilers earned themselves a bit of a rest while the Eastern Conference gets settled. Shaving in between series is allowed. At least my wife seems to think so.
My other playoff superstition is my Oilers socks. I found some great work socks earlier in the season at the Army and Navy with the Oilers logo on them. They were so nice I almost didn't wear them to work, but since that's why I bought them, I overcame my silliness. So on game days I make sure I have a pair of them on.
And I'm pretty sure that's the one and only time I'll talk about my socks on Pooing in the Woods. But it won't be the last time I talk about the Oilers winning the Stanley Cup!
Four more wins!

Nightshift philosophizing.

The traditional May blizzard came last night, and as I was mesmerized by the giant puffy snowflakes tunneling down past the halogens, and forgetting if I was on my second or third (or fourth!) bucket for that truck, a difference of 80 tons per so it's kind of important, my mind wandered to the subject of mutation. I have no trouble suspending my disbelief for the patently impossible mutations in X-Men, especially since it is such an elegant way of allowing for an unlimited number of superhumans with any power you can dream up while simultaneously doing away with the necessity of inventing a secret origin for each. Dude shoots lasers out of his eyes? Cool. The blue lady can shapeshift? I love it. No need to give me the genomes and allotype mumbojumbo, I just accept it. My trouble is with real-life mutations.
Obviously mutations occur, but I'm not sure I'm buying into the whole business of evolution being driven by mutations randomly caused by radiation and whatnot. Even given a few billion years, I'm not convinced it's enough. Nor do I propose that God is behind it all. I think that the DNA code comes equipped with some mechanism or sensor to allow for periods of "deliberate" mutation. How else do you explain the sudden and explosive species radiation after each mass extinction event? When an ecological niche comes available, a species immediately (in geological terms) fills it. Therefore I think that DNA, possibly in the "junk" portion, contains some sensor, much like a lightpost senses when it is dark enough to turn on, that switches on a mechanism to allow for spontaneous mutations. Perhaps a biomass sensor with chemical cues- when there are not enough lifeforms emitting scents and other molecules, the DNA starts coding for mutations, random mistakes in the duplication of DNA strands, and some of them are successful and start a new species line. Well, with no genetical training and no empirical evidence whatsover, that's what I came up with at 2:30 AM.
And another thing- aren't we all mutants? What's the difference between a mutation and a trait (not the right word I know)? When does a mutation become a trait?
Things to think about while you watch X3, or load 260 ton trucks on nightshift.


On another note, because I was at work last night, I only got to hear the game, so I haven't seen any actual visuals to go with my Rod Phillips-induced hyper-realities. But as always, the Cosh (am I allowed to call him that?) has the best post-game. Me=broken record, I know. At least he provides some laughs to soothe the (minor) pain.

Here's some Oilers trivia that should even interest you non-fans, assuming there are any ;)
First, we start with this guy:



His name is Venom, and he is one of Spider-Man's arch-nemeses. I hope he is in the new movie but I haven't heard one way or the other. Venom doesn't care for Spider-Man.
Next we have this guy:



As the big logo says, this is Spawn. He made a deal with a devil to come back to life so he could see his wife, only he got screwed over a bit, so now he is an unwilling soldier in the battle between Heaven and Hell.
Finally, we give you this:



The Oilers alternate logo, a beautiful piece of art. All three of these icons were created by Todd McFarlane, an Alberta native (Calgary, sadly), comic book mogul, toy company founder, and part-owner of the Oilers. Or at least, he was until he was successfully sued by former NHLer Tony Twistelli for $15 million- I'm not really too sure where everything stands financially after all that mess. And for accuracy's sake, I should point out that he co-created Venom with David Michelinie, who wrote Spider-Man back when McFarlane was the artist. Cool, eh?
The Mighty Ducks logo, on the other hand, has something to do with Donald Duck and Emilio Estevez. Not quite as cool as slavering-tongued alien hybrids and hellspawns, but whatever.

Maybe it wasn't the prettiest game ever, but the bottom line is the Oilers got it done. Even after only one day off to Anaheim's seven. That Roloson flyball to Peca, who then went 5-hole on Bryzgalov, was a pretty play. Heck, I even liked Todd Harvey's empty-netter. The guy who is the spitting image of Orlando Bloom did his best Legolas impression by bullseyeing the net from center ice. After being knocked down by Orcs, no less.

Sorry for all the hockey talk lately. Well, not really- the Oilers are kicking ass! But I know it isn't the primary focus of this blog. Remember a few years ago when I was an Oilers blog pundit? It was fun but I know sportswriting isn't my primary calling- the guy who ran that blog got all mad at me when I did a fun post about the ultimate Oilers dream team and had such hall-of-famers as Jennifer Garner and the Incredible Hulk in the lineup. Oh well.

On the radio yesterday they had an enthusiatic young Oilers fan, maybe 7 or 8, giving a mighty cheer- you could just see his face bunch up, eyes squished tight as he yelled, all the words running together into one: "All you Detroit fans might as well go home now because if you wait till after the game you'll just go home crying to Detroit . . ."
The announcer very gently cuts in, "That's a great cheer! But you know it's a different series now, right? San Jose?"
"Oh sorry."
"Do you want to try again?"
"Yeah." Deep breath. "All you Detroit fans . . . "
Anyways, the San Jose fans went home crying last night too, so what difference does it really make? I was lucky to catch the third period, but I was at work for the first two. I had staticy radio, but I missed Peca's goal when I had to jump down and stem the deluge from a water hose that had jumped free of its tank. And then our crappy poobus radio didn't work, and when I tried to see if I could fix it the bus driver got all mad at me, threatened to slap my fingers and turned it off. Bit of an overreaction. Oh well. The important thing is they won! Yay!
And all you Detroit Anaheim fans might as well go home now because if you wait till after the games you'll just go home crying!

Hopefully this picture of Jupiter looks a little funny to you- because it's upside down! The amazing thing to me, though, is that it was taken just the other night from Earth. Cool, eh? Good view of the Great Red Spot. The photographer, or planetary imager, is Paul Haese from Australia. Check out some of his other works here.

And my friend Mistytang, who is Emily Weber's younger sister (you may recall the interview I did with Emily last month), drew me this rendition of the Jovian zeppelin beings of the previous poost:



Cool! And once again, for the best recap of last night's Oilers win, go see Colby Cosh! Yeah, that was Jason Smith with the topshelf game winner!

The book I just read had potential- it dealt with a classic sci-fi concept. The idea is that Jupiter could possibly support life, sort of manta ray whale-like zeppelin beings, living in the atmosphere. I've read some great stories with this concept, but alas, this book was not one of them. I could forgive the terrible dialog and stock characters, but the ending was just too ludicrously dumb. Oh well- it passed the time on our circuitous route to and from Smithers.
Speaking of circuitous routes, here is my poetic homage to Jovian aliens.

Hydrogen

My entire world is made of clouds
just sky and sky and sky and sky
I sail on the unending windcurrents
serene in silent singing meditation
never to see the same place twice
I carefully avoid the colossal storms
that rage for thousands of your years
and are twice the size of your world
these cyclones are our terrible gods
and when we die, we merge with them

But such weighty matters are for
our songs that ripple and evolve
endlessly as we call to each other
across the vast sea of clouds
these songs are our own, inscrutable
Mysteries beyond your reach
for you, I use these tiny words
fit for tiny beings on tiny worlds

You also have clouds, I am told
in a blue sky with a yellow sun
and something else besides, eery and
alien to our behemoth brains
an enigma to contemplate for eons
as we travel our circuitous routes
in wonderment we try to comprehend
that on your world, you have a surface
___________________________

The first time I ran into this idea was in a Ben Bova book, I forget the name. And does anyone happen to remember a story where the main guy was changed into a sluggy sort of creature so he could hang out on Neptune? Anyways, back to one of my favorite authors with the best name ever, Greg Bear, for The Forge of God. One of Jupiter's moons goes missing in that one.

Yay Oilers!!!!!!
What an incredible game last night/this morning, eh? Who wasn't heroic? Best first period ever. Smyth left his teeth all over the ice, Smith left Sharks all over the ice, Moreau was flying and of course Roloson, Torres and Horcoff won the game. Colby Cosh has the best recap of it anywhere on the net, so never mind the CBC or the NHL, just go read his summary.

Here's an update on that unusual bear that was killed by an American hunter- it was a grizzly/polar hybrid after all. No surprise there, polar bears are not very far removed from grizzlies on the evolutionary tree. In fact, there are grizzlies on Alaska's Admiralty Island that are genetically closer to polar bears than they are to mainland grizz.
Did you like how the article stated that "It was considered nearly impossible for the two species to mate, since polar bears mate on the ice, while grizzlies mate on land." I would presume this conclusion was drawn based on this quote from the earlier story:

"The probability of a grizzly and a polar bear mating is actually pretty low. Partly because polar bears mate on the sea ice and grizzly bears mate on the land."
(Dr. Ian Sterling)

Most people live their whole lives without going to Smithers, BC for a wedding, and I have been to two! And again, most people live their whole lives without building people out of bales of hay, and I have built two! Well, helped build, along with my father-in-law and my brother-in-law's brother-in-law and father-in-law (but not my brother-in-law). My lawful father has pointed out several times that the English language just doesn't have enough words to describe these various relationships. Nor does it have a word for people made out of haybales. How about haybillies?

"You are my blogging hero!" The wise words of my friend Susan. "I want to be a good blogger like you." Since she is also my financial advisor and hasn't steered me wrong so far, I will hereby become her blogging advisor, and dispense some blogging advice for her and anyone else who cares to listen. Here then are some of my
Do's and Do Not Do's of Blogging:

Do interest me. Tell me something new, something amazing. Talk about the things you love. Be stimulating and engaging, make me laugh. If you can do that, even inconsistently, I'll keep coming back to read your blog.
Do Not rant. Half the blogs out there are called "The Rantings of an Insane 14 Year Old Psychopathic Crazy Nut" or some such. But all ranters do is spew negative vibes out into the blogosphere. It's the textual equivalent of a farting in a crowded room- sure, you feel release, but everyone else is disgusted.
Do Not ramble. The other half of blogs are called "The Ramblings of a Boring 41 Year Old Monotonous Insomnia-Curer", and all they do is ramble on and on about who-knows-what. Even if I could figure out what they're talking about, I still won't care. If you have nothing to say, don't say anything.
Do try and be concise. This helps cut down on the rambling, and makes your blog easy to read. My friend Blarg doesn't believe in scrolling, so if he has to scroll to read your blog, you've lost him. Lots of people are like that, though perhaps not as extreme. (Blarg also doesn't believe in updating his website, either). If you're an interesting writer, though, you can get away with longer posts from time to time.
Do try and interact with your readers. They won't necessarily all interact back, but it makes it more fun for everyone when they do. The ABCs of Abominations didn't quite make it to Z, but it was still fun.
Do Not sweat it when no one responds. It can be a little disheartening to write a Homie Bear poem that I think is the funniest poem ever and then only my wife comments. But oh well, right? Not everyone is going to like what you write, and that's okay, as long as you like what you write.
Do try and learn a few basic html or CSS tricks. When I started blogging I didn't know a single word of < html >. But just from tinkering around I eventually was able to make this nice clean template, and gabrielle's layout is my latest experiment. Try to do something to change your stock blogger template to something slightly unique. Or, get someone to help you. It'll help you to stand out from the other 150 million bloggers. And make sure it's readable! Nothing is worse on my 31-year-old eyes than white text on a black background. Please don't add java doolies and auto-play mp3s and all the other doodads that are just tacky and slow down the page loading time.

There's lots more I could tell you, and feel free to ask (any of you out there), but ultimately the most important thing is your content. Try to update semi-regularly- don't go two weeks without posting, unless you're traveling or Blarg. Keep at it, and your writing will improve- you may even grow beyond making a billion silly poo puns to rediscovering a whole side of your creative self you forgot was there. That's what happened to me, anyway. Have fun!

The stereoscopic lenses included with 10,000 Days come with a dire warning to use them safely, and only for the express purpose of enhancing your enjoyment of the traditional trippy TOOL artwork, lest diabolical things occur. Which brings me waaay back to first year Geology 102 labs, using stereoscopes to study aerial photos. That was pretty trippy too, and it didn't take me long to see the potential for evil that TOOL was undoubtedly warning against- I spent the majority of the three hour lab doing my own extracurricular experiments. Pretty soon the professor popped in for a visit and hovered over my shoulder admiring my work.
"What have you here?" he asked, in his refined, 'I'm-a-millionaire-gold-mine-founding-geologist' voice.
"Oh, well, this is Superman chasing a nuclear missile, and here is a caveman shooting a pterodactyl with his bow and arrow."
He peeked into the scope to see if I had achieved the trick of getting them to appear in stereo- something which had been devilishly hard to do, but through perseverance I had (sort of) managed it.
"Isn't that something?" the professor commented, and then he wandered away.

Happy Miner's Day! You didn't know today was Miner's Day? Well, it is. So you have to buy Miner's Day cards for all the miners you know (that would be me!). They usually say something cheesy like "I dig you!" or "You are not an overburden to me!", but they are still appreciated.
Yeah, so, I should've been at work today but instead I got the day off to celebrate being a miner. And actually I'm on holidays so I have 13 days of non-miningness to savour. 13! Yay! My brother-in-law is getting married on Saturday out in Smithers, so Michelle and I will be flying there on Thursday night, and hopefully have some time to enjoy the amazing scenery in that area of the country.
Here are some more mining pics for you.
Also, today should be Oilers Day. Go Oilers!