The Apoocalypse- A Socratic Dialog 

Walking along the shores of Lake Paskapoo, an earnest young acolyte approaches the great Messianic Cult Leader Who Promotes Violence. They walk together for a time in silence, reflecting on the scenery and the fact that it was -15 degrees out. Luckily they were wearing their winter robes. "What are you thinking about, Master?" asked the acolyte after a time. "I am thinking I should not have had so much chili for supper last night. But tell me, Novice, what lessons can be learned from the ice and cold?" "Umm, the ice and cold reflect the state of mankinds' hearts, how they are closed off to the things of the Spiritual Realm." "Very good. Also, it teaches us the value of Winter Tires, or at least a good set of All Season Radials." "Which in turn reminds us of the great Wheel of Life, right?" "Well, sure. But something troubles you, my student." And indeed, the acolyte looked very downtrodden in spirit. "Master," said the acolyte, "today is the third day of the third month of the third year of the third millenium." "So it is, young Poodawan. What does this mean to you?" "Well, master, according to your teachings, today is the day of the Apoocalypse, when the Sun will turn brown like poo, and showers of poolike gelatin will rain down on the heathen masses, followed by the approach of the Four Horsemen of the Apoocalypse: Constipation, Diarhhea, Flatulence and Death." "It is? I said that?" "Yes master, you have prophecied this since last month. You told us it is an Ancient and Irrevocable Doom, and you instructed us to stock up on food and weapons." "Oh. Well . . . has there been any mention of this on the news?" "No master, thus far it has been a normal day- perhaps a few more fender benders than normal in traffic this morning, but no Horsemen of the Apooclaypse anywhere." "So what can you learn from this?" "Master, it troubles me to say this, but it seems like today is not the Apoocalypse at all, and I beg your forgiveness, but I am glad that it isn't, for I was scared. But doesn't this make you (forgive me) a false prophet?" The Messianic Cult Leader Who Promotes Violence chuckled for a second, and then said, "Let me enlighten you, my disciple. Although it is indeed the third day of the third month of the third year of the third millenium, umm, it is not yet the third age and so we are safe for another two ages of time. Now go, and get me some donuts."